[Seth Says] Good Vibes Only
Hello Friends,
In an attempt not to actually turn this newsletter into Sad Times Monthly, I'm aiming for good vibes only in this issue. There is, admittedly, something a little off-putting about the phrase "good vibes only", probably because it's representative of that type of toxic positivity culture (note that toxic positivity is a subset, like masculinity, I'm not claiming all positivity is toxic. Managing to be cheery amidst challenging circumstances is great! Covid positivity, toxic. Britney Spears, toxic. Brittany spears, probably toxic if they're rust-encrusted)(can't have encrusted without rust!) that wants you to shut up and not call attention to any problems (let alone asking people to fix them), and also if you've been following the news you basically need to dive into an old Beach Boys album if you want to find any good vibrations therein (or technically, theremin).
Still, while the awfulness continues unabated, I'm trying to enjoy the good things in life, and this past fortnight that has largely consisted of soup.
MMM MMM GOOD
Today it has been very easy to forget that it is technically winter, since I went out for a walk with no jacket and after a few minutes, had to take off my sweatshirt because I was still overheating. But back towards the beginning of the month it was winter, and few foods are better for winter than soup. It's souper. (pardon my ladle joke.)
Over the past two weeks we had ramen (both instant and homemade)(but good instant), pumpkin soup with sausage, tortilla soup, and potato soup with broccoli and bacon. (It's like we're running a broth-el.) And oddly, I'm still not tired of soup. I found myself recalling a rap about soup I'd heard nearly two decades ago from Starfinger, a song I wasn't sure still existed on the internet, but apparently it does.
I have no connection with the song in question, save for enjoying it and it being very much the type of thing I could have written. I didn't write it though. I wrote something else, for
BLACK HISTORY MONTH
A question that many humor writers struggle with is, "How do you write satire when the world is already so preposterous in awful ways?" Well, I don't know that I would call my latest column satire, because it's largely a collection of things that already happened. But it's also not not satire, because it is an attempt to illustrate how a consistent moving of goalposts is a pretty common tactic for certain people (e.g. racists) who always manage to find new reasons why Black people should be quiet about all the injustice they have faced and continued to face. ("Good vibes only!")
Anyway, I imagined a University with staff of the moving goalposts variety tasked with putting out a statement celebrating Black History Month, and then put together this dramatic re-enactment of how the pitch meeting might have gone, and I suspect some of you will appreciate it:
Black History Month - A Florid Celebration
I think for me the most blatant example of the moving goalposts was the Black Lives Matter protests some years ago, where people said, "The message is fine, but these protests are violent, they cause property damage, they obstruct essential traffic, etc.", and then a man named Colin decided to enact the most peaceful, non-violent, non-damaging, non-obstructive protest humanly possible, and quietly kneel in place (originally sit in place, but he talked with a veteran who convinced him that kneeling would be more respectful) on the football field during the national anthem. And this quiet, non-violent, non-destructive, non-obstructive protest made people lose their minds, and got him basically thrown out of the NFL while being vilified by half of the country.
(Admittedly, a risk for any professional sports player; sports were the main way people identified themselves with teams before politics became so polarized. Now everyone's red team or blue team though, you can't even date a pop star without being vilified by half the country.)(Black bear is eating berries with a Brown bear, and sees a white bear walk past and growl at him. Black bear says, "I hate how this country has become so Polarized.")(Thanks for bearing with me.)
TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Disappointed to hear that the Acme v. Coyote film may end up being binned after all, which someone likened to burning down your own shop for the insurance money. (at the very least, it ought to blow up in Zaslav's face so he appears charred before he crumbles to ash.) The continued destruction of art for tax write-offs seems bad, but as mentioned last time it doesn't crack the top 5 worry list, and as mentioned this time I'm trying not to dwell because I'm aiming for gooder vibes (intentionally poor grammar is a cheap and easy way to lighten the mood)(or maybe a gooder is one who goods, making good into an action verb)("Is this thought leadership?") this week, and as mentioned next time I hope your Year of the Dragon is off to a good start.
Wait a minute, we're not at next time yet. Sorry, this time travel stuff is confusing. Anyway, thanks for reading my next newsletter, and back in two weeks with the column above.
Sorry, this time travel stuff is confusing.
Hello,
Seth