Q: Why does a pianist always have his piano in black and white?
A: Because he's a man a'keyin'!

I'm not normally given to a Manichean worldview because life is complicated and often conflicts are morally grey. Disagreements occur between parties (it would be rude to disagree at the party) who are both trying to follow a course of action that accomplishes some good but alas also has some downsides (especially for others), and the result is that clashing forces each have their own justifications for why they are in the right.

This is why traditionally I've preferred media which presents a more nuanced view of conflict (e.g. Suikoden, Witcher, The Expanse, etc.) where each side has some people with good motivations and some people taking horrible actions and often they are the same people. Generally, I found that more appealing than the simplistic "The plucky heroes are all TEAM GOOD, and they must fight against TEAM EVIL", because life is not always so simple.

BUT SOMETIMES IT IS SO SIMPLE

On the other hand, it's pretty dang difficult not to look at the world in terms of stark contrast between good and evil and say that, to pick a random example, human beings who just want to peacefully coexist with their fellow humans are good, and racist pedophiles looting the treasury while jailing children and murdering civilians are evil.

It's probably no coincidence that every major religion has some words about being kind to other people just trying to peacefully coexist. Texas Rep. James Talarico gave an interview on Colbert talking about how Love Thy Neighbor is a cornerstone of Christianity. NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani gave a lovely speech over the weekend talking about how Loving The Stranger is a crucial part of many religions (and also the Camus fan club).

And I feel it's important to mention that I wrote this week's column before seeing either of those speeches. (But also I should note this feeling is VERY DUMB because it's not like you're going to say, "Oh wow, Seth wrote about this slightly before he saw those guys, he must be the FIRST PERSON EVER to notice that the key message of every major religion which people have been commenting on non-stop for centuries or even millennia might apply to current circumstances; surely no other person could have made this connection and all of those clergy at the protests over the past months were probably just coincidence.")(Also also I should note that it is sometimes useful to be able to have feelings while simultaneously recognizing that they are very dumb.)

ANYWAY, HAVE A COLUMN:

* The War On Love

WASHINGTON, DC

The Federal government announced today that it was declaring war on love. Love has long been opposed by the current administration, but previously only fought with more targeted actions like painting over murals promoting Compassion and Integrity at the FBI. Going forward, love will now be opposed with full force on every front. Things came to a head over the weekend as Americans across the country participated in "Valentine's Day", a controversial holiday celebrating love.

A spokesperson for the administration explained why love has now been officially designated as an enemy of the state:

"We've already seen how dangerous empathy can be," said White House Press Secretary Jess Droppit, "causing people to oppose our detention of 5-year-old children just because those people have their own children they wouldn't want to see detained. Or opposing the unconstitutional dragging of US citizens from their cars and homes because THEY wouldn't want to be dragged from their car or home without due process. If everyone started thinking like that, ICE wouldn't exist at all."

Her opinion is shared by business leaders like Noel Skum, who has called empathy "the fundamental weakness of Western civilization", a problem he attempted to solve by dismantling USAID and other organizations that supported care to improve or save people's lives.

But Press Secretary Droppit believes that as bad as empathy is, love is worse. "Empathy tricks you into caring about others by imagining yourself in their shoes. We can work around that by othering and dehumanizing our targets to make it more difficult to imagine yourself as them. But love? Love means believing in the value and humanity of other people just because they are people -- even if they're TOTALLY DIFFERENT than you. It's anarchy."

...

"There's nothing funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding," said TX Governor Presley Abbott. "We've seen a lot of radical leftists promoting these dangerous ideas for many years, sometimes even quoting a historical criminal and troublemaker who said 'Love Thy Neighbor'. The government of the time identified those ideas as unacceptable and they certainly aren't acceptable today."

God knows I could rant about the current regime forever but we've all read enough about that. So instead, here's last week's Banner column:

* The Good Old Boring Days

LOVE AND/OR COVID IS IN THE AIR

What's the opposite of preaching to the choir? (I actually know the answer to this one, it's an old joke about a devout septuagenarian Jew who prays at the Western Wall every day for world peace, and has been doing so for 50 years. A reporter is doing a story on him and asks him, "Sir, do you ever get discouraged after 50 years of daily prayer?" And he says, "Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a wall.")

Anyway, I realize I am far from my readership when it comes to how much Covid precaution one deems appropriate, but we are amidst another massive wave, 700k infections daily, national estimates that 1 in 71 people are actively infectious, all not ideal for a virus that weakens your immune system so if you're going to a crowded and/or indoor (and/or indoor!)(If you go to the Star Wars theme park your options include dining beneath a giant figure of Cassian as well as visiting a room that's made up to look like the Ewok planet -- it's under Andor and/or indoor Endor) location please consider a mask because I'd love for you to stay healthy and alive.

Love is also in the air, Vday vapors bleeding into another wedding speech client whose speech I recently finished, and it's always such a nice feeling to do those. When the world is dark it feels good to be part of something that brings light and love. Would be nice if Amor could get on with the Vincit Omnia, or at least Vincit These Bastards In Particular. (I am not looking up the Latin for "these bastards in particular")(okay fine, auto-translate suggests "hi nothi in specie", but I'm absolutely not going back to change it.)

As always, I thank you for reading, will be back in two weeks with another column, and bid you all love and happiness in the fleeting days of February.

Q: Why is Cassian happier flying a U-wing than a boxy transport?
A: Andorfins

Only the Seth deal in absolutes.

Absolutely Nonsensically Yours,
Seth