[Seth Says] Fear My Inept Kung Fu!
Q: What martial art do you use on a challah thief?
A: Judo.
Hiya, folks!
Or I guess alternatively, Hi-ya! Folks!
I've got martial arts on the brain (should have said "I'm on a martial arts kick")(it would have been punchier) because I've been reading the (translated) novels of Jin Yong, currently part 4 of "Legend of the Condor Heroes".
For those of you who are wuxia fans, you might enjoy reading one of the major golden age wuxia novels which spawned many movies and TV shows in Hong Kong and China.
For the other all-but-one-or-two of you, you might not care to read about heroes practicing 34 forms of the Dragon-Repelling Fist whose punches can create wind blades that break trees in half. But at least you get the gist. (Dragon-Repelling Gist!)
KUNG FOOL
I am a sucker for martial arts media, in spite of the fact that you will never catch me anywhere near a dojo. Books, movies, TV, even the Wu Tang Clan (new album next week!), there's just something about martial arts media that I enjoy.
But I sure don't have any skills whatsoever. And that was the topic of my column this week. Well, that, a broken door, the essence of humanity, current events, and a terrible pun. (Fear, ruthless efficiency -- I'll come in again.) Basically everything you could want in a column. (Okay, fine, basically everything I could want in a column. I don't know what you want.)(Tell me what you want, what you really really want.)(although these days that's usually "for the world to be much less unkind", and I can only make the world very slightly less unkind)(Our government is unkind; German children are kinder.)
Hey, I got sidetracked, what are the odds? (it's me, I'm the odds.) Anyway, column:
This one took me a long time to write and weave everything together, but I'm pleased with how it came out.
EVENTUAL PAYOFF
In other good news (localized, like most good news is these days), this week I was excited to receive my first ever royalty check, for my Mahjong book.
That's a long-timeline payoff - now seven years since I wrote the book - but it represents the first time I've ever had a book earn out the full advance and send me royalties. Which may be surprising given that I've probably written two dozen books but:
- Most of them were ghostwritten for clients (hence Work For Hire)
- A few were self-published (no advance, just selling each copy for my cut)
- A few were for indie presses (limited print runs, limited distribution, limited chance to earn out)("is he sad to have no royalites?" "Yeah, he's indie pressed.")
- My one other major publisher book was Work For Hire (no royalties or ownership, just a one-time payment for the writing)
So this is my first book for a major publisher that has had the distribution and time to actually earn out. The check, admittedly, was less than what I get for two hours of ghostwriting, but it's the thought the counts.
THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
("Hmmm... 1,2,3...") I interrupted the writing of this newsletter to email both of my state's senators to thank them for not voting to send more bombs to drop on Gaza. They were, alas, outvoted by most of the rest of the Senate, but I still appreciate people voting for less death of innocent civilians even when they're outvoted.
As you may have noticed if you exist in the world, there's a lot of negativity and people are quick to complain when they don't like what you do. But there's a lot less positive feedback, because people who are content don't speak up as much. The result is that feedback from people often tends to skew negative, and as anyone in government will tell you (if you have friends in government)(I would like if more of my friends were in government; maybe you'd like to run for something?), that goes double for people in government.
Consequently, especially if you're going to criticize people when you don't like what they do, it's worth adding a carrot to your stick arsenal and praising them when you do like what they do. (I guess technically this also applies to children or employees, but I wouldn't want to give the impression that this newsletter ever contains any useful advice)(instead, I'd like to give the impression of a 1930s mobster: "Myeah, you'll never get me copper, myeah!")(I guess technically, impression of Bugs Bunny cartoon 1930s mobster impression)
AND THEN IT WAS NOW
I got distracted again and had to watch a Bugs Bunny cartoon online after typing that. For all the Internet is terrible, it's also glorious. I guess that's life: Lots of terrible, but still some lovely things to appreciate. I appreciate you reading my newsletter, will be back in two weeks with another column, and encourage you to show positivity for what you like. For me, that’s media filled with karate chops.
Fewer Chopsticks, More Chopcarrots,
Seth