[Seth Says] Cleaning Probably Won't Kill You...

...but there's always a chance! Most accidents do occur in the home, and cleaning is exactly the sort of thing that disturbs long-dormant evil forces which might have been peacefully resting beneath layers of dust. So I certainly can't blame anyone who avoids cleaning just to stay on the safe side.

Of course, a lack of cleaning is also potentially unsafe, presuming you are not blessed with hover-feet. (I love the concept of hover-feet, even if anyone I mention it to thinks it's nonsense, I think I'm just ahead of my time and it will be a cool trend in the future.)("If you wanna see me hover, you gotta get with my trends...") I've tripped over any number of things just in the past few weeks, although admittedly some of them are unlikely to be thrown out or put away even after a big cleaning. (e.g. beds)(because I don't have one of those beds that just folds up into the wall)(which I guess you can blame on Murphy's Law)(Does Murphy have anything else besides beds and laws? I guess it would be a good name for a narcoleptic legislator.)(Especially as "Murphy" sounds just like the sound your mouth makes when you've fallen asleep at your desk with your face in your arm and someone asks you a question.)(Not that this has happened to me recently.)
 

I recall growing up that people used to say that a messy desk is the sign of a clean mind, but if my ceaseless parenthetical asides are any indication (and they are!), it's safe to say that my mind is even messier than my desk. Although I don't think it works in reverse; it's not as if people with clean desks automatically have well-ordered minds. Frankly, it's a bit annoying when people make judgements about people's personalities based solely on some space of theirs.

I recall a business guru who had opined that managers interviewing candidates for a standard office job should ask to go out to the parking lot to view the applicant's car, and should only hire people who had a clean car because it means they'd keep a clean desk at work and have a clean mind.

Which I dislike, not only because it's annoying demanding your employee have a car in the first place when it's not a job with traveling, but because someone who is e.g. a single parent wrangling multiple children is exceedingly unlikely to have a clean car. And as a general rule, I find that judging someone's work ability based on some random visible aspect of their life is a huge mistake. Not just because I wouldn't want someone judging my corporate writing (expert) based on my car (non-extant), but because we're all human and make priorities, and many of us can turn on professional mode when it's time to do things professionally, and then turn on trash goblin mode when it's time to hang out on our own time in our own space. The past decade or two has blurred the line between the personal and professional, but as this newsletter has mentioned before, people need space to be themselves.
 

Of course, me being myself means promoting my latest column. ("Column, we're giving you more responsibilities and switching you from hourly to salaried. You'll also now be expected to work Saturdays.")

In a shocking lack of coincidence, this week's column is 

       A Guide To Cleaning Styles

Covering everything from the Marie Kondo method to the Marie Curie method. And there's also a story of me cleaning by accidentally spilling water on my desk. You might wonder, did that really happen, or did I just try to make myself sound more ridiculous for the column? Well, if anything, I tried to make myself sound LESS ridiculous for the column because the truth would be harder to believe, which is that after I spilled the first glass of water on my desk, I rushed to clean it up and in so doing, inadvertently spilled a second glass of water all over my desk.

You might ask, why do you have two glasses of water on your desk, to which I'd say, it's none of your business, I'm good at my job so just hire me and stop staring at my car you weirdo.
 

Although not as globally popular as his bed and law, I do often refer to "Murphy's Raincoat" or "Murphy's Umbrella" in terms of the anti-rain device which you bring in order to ensure that it doesn't rain, thus making your bringing of it useless. This hasn't quite caught on, but I'm sure one day it will be trending along with the hover-feet.

Meanwhilst, thanks for reading, tune in in two weeks for another column, and try to avoid death by cleaning, lack of cleaning, or bed that folds you up into the wall and eats you. 



Murphy's Regards,
Seth