[Seth Says] Calm Before The Storm
Reminds me of the time I had to write a piece about a racist senator, but first had to fortify myself with seafood.
It was the clam before the Strom.
(Seriously, a crazy thing about Strom Thurmond is that he was so racist, that I swear a while back I recall another government official being censured just for saying he agreed with Strom Thurmond, but then Strom Thurmond himself just got to go on being a senator, a job for which racism is not a disqualification)(Hell, in a month it might be a qualification)(I know, I know, too heavy in the intro)("what's a polite way to tell someone they've gained weight?")(trick question, there isn't one, and I assure you they already know.)(I could make this whole newsletter one endless paragraph.)(but I won't)(this time)
WEATHERING THE WEATHER
It is, literally, the calm before the storm, with rain scheduled for Sunday and Monday. (Scheduled rain is an unprecipitous precipitation)(also, who schedules rain? I'd just tell them I was busy and not add rain to the schedule)(Who are delugers in charge of that?)
As of now, Tuesday's weather is supposed to not suck, which would be convenient for me since I was hoping to catch a few friends for a walk who are in town for a new years party. Although it's possible after two straight days of rain, everything will be icy and terrible anyway, which, to be fair, is pretty much right off the brochure for winter.
("Icy! Terrible! Face-Hurtingly Cold! If that's the kind of thing you're looking for, you'll love winter! Consult your local sales rep for details!")(And yes, it has already been added to the schedule.)(Naturally.)("So, I add winter to the schedule and give it to Who?" "Naturally!")
CASTING ASPARAGUS
("Have you seen my little gyroscopic scooter thingy?" "Sorry, I can't find your Segway.")
It is also the metaphorical calm before the storm with the new (old) regime rapidly impending, which has combined with the weather to freeze out my jubilant optimism, which I seem to have misplaced somewhere in 2019. I am, consequently, casting aspersions at everything because in spite of playing a mage in every RPG where it's an option, the number of spells I can successfully cast in real life is very limited. Casting aspersions (or, as I like to say it, "casting asparagus"), however, is always an option.
Thus, my column this week is a little less wacky fun and a little more soapboxy:
Ivory-lly apologized for the soapbox, but there's a Joy in Dialing up the messaging occasionally, and I have a Zest for trying to Safeguard the ideals of the land I Lava, although it Dawned on me that I mostly Dove into it for puns. (Hope that didn't put you to sleep; I realize it was soaporific.)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Still, in spite of problems impending and Thanksgiving being long gone, there's plenty to be thankful about, both in general and for me personally. Many friends and family continue to have good news along with the not so good -- friends have had kids get into college, friends have found more success in their creative pursuits, my aunt has acquired a tractor, and my aunt is visiting the Canary Islands (different aunts). So everyone's got their own little victories, and I hope you can find yours in the new year.
I'll leave you with my traditional New Years song, which I'll be playing on New Years Eve as I do every year, and I can't believe I recorded the last verse for this a decade and a half ago:
Thanks for reading (and possibly listening?!), back in two weeks with another column, and may your weather both actual and metaphorical be not too unpleasant.
Sturm und Dangnabbit,
Seth