Seth Dislikes Living in the Updates Tab and Longs for the Primary Inbox Folder.
OBLIGATORY GREETING
Hello Friends!
And I guess also hello to any enemies using my newsletter to keep tabs on me? I think I'm not really important enough to have personalized enemies any more. Back in elementary school, I had lots of enemies. But at this point, my enemies are just angry folks who hate large swaths of people that happen to include me.
Hopefully, this means I'm at least partially succeeding in my attempts to not make people's lives worse, outside of my resource consumption. (And I guess the making the opening of my fun casual writing newsletter a rambling introspection.)(And the ceaseless parenthetical asides.)(And the aqueducts.)
Regardless, thanks so much for opening and reading this email. As you may have gleaned from my subject line, apparently some people are having trouble getting it through the filters, so while I'd love to suggest that you tell your email system to direct me to the inbox, anyone who is getting these filtered away won't read this anyway. So, uh...
Hello Friends!
And I guess also hello to any enemies using my newsletter to keep tabs on me? I think I'm not really important enough to have personalized enemies any more. Back in elementary school, I had lots of enemies. But at this point, my enemies are just angry folks who hate large swaths of people that happen to include me.
Hopefully, this means I'm at least partially succeeding in my attempts to not make people's lives worse, outside of my resource consumption. (And I guess the making the opening of my fun casual writing newsletter a rambling introspection.)(And the ceaseless parenthetical asides.)(And the aqueducts.)
Regardless, thanks so much for opening and reading this email. As you may have gleaned from my subject line, apparently some people are having trouble getting it through the filters, so while I'd love to suggest that you tell your email system to direct me to the inbox, anyone who is getting these filtered away won't read this anyway. So, uh...
Hello Friends!
EXACTLY TWO COLUMNS
As promised after the secret zeroeth newsletter, this first newsletter kicks off the bi-weekly sharing of my two most recent columns. Which is the minimum number you really want to hold up a portico. How ionic.
One of the things about living during a pandemic (still better than dying during a pandemic!) is that it sort of skews a lot of baselines. Like, there's a ceiling on how well you can be doing. And it also very much skews the floor, which is much lower, which does force one to re-evaluate how you're going to look at Minor Headaches.
But it's March now! And since March is the birthday of Dr. Seuss (and also my dad), I wrote up a big Dr. Seuss-style poem for my most recent column. I have titled it, imaginatively, The Marches of Dr. Seuss. The rest of the column is more imaginative, I promise.
Geez, promises, promises, Seth. Don't you have any great advice?
One of the things about living during a pandemic (still better than dying during a pandemic!) is that it sort of skews a lot of baselines. Like, there's a ceiling on how well you can be doing. And it also very much skews the floor, which is much lower, which does force one to re-evaluate how you're going to look at Minor Headaches.
But it's March now! And since March is the birthday of Dr. Seuss (and also my dad), I wrote up a big Dr. Seuss-style poem for my most recent column. I have titled it, imaginatively, The Marches of Dr. Seuss. The rest of the column is more imaginative, I promise.
Geez, promises, promises, Seth. Don't you have any great advice?
TALK LESS, SMILE MORE
Sure, it's from Hamilton, but it's still probably good advice. It's possible that people don't want a very long newsletter every two weeks, so I should keep this short. So just one anecdote here. Over twenty years as a freelancer and I still get inordinately pleased every time a client tells me that they really love my work. Most recently, I was writing some humor about spreadsheets (I Excel at it), and I had written a joke to the tune of a Hamilton song.
And then for the rest of the day, everything in my head just turned into a Hamilton song.
"Amendments... they've never been ratified."
"Tempura... so tasty and batter-fried."
"Oedipus... motherfucker did patricide."
That's my story. I hope you're Satisfied!
And then for the rest of the day, everything in my head just turned into a Hamilton song.
"Amendments... they've never been ratified."
"Tempura... so tasty and batter-fried."
"Oedipus... motherfucker did patricide."
That's my story. I hope you're Satisfied!
ONE MORE THING, MISS
Since this is officially the first newsletter, I can reuse the final section Columbo header from the zeroeth newsletter, right? Anyway, as mentioned at the top, these days my enemies are people who hate large swaths of people for not a good reason. So I hope we can be better than my enemies, by not doing that. As a sovereign nation being invaded, it has been nice to see much of the world supporting Ukraine, hoping for the survival and freedom and health of the Ukrainian people. I also hope for that (and for peace).But with some pundits already talking about deporting Russian foreign exchange students, it's worth remembering that this is Putin's war, not a war supported by every Russian citizen just trying to live peaceful lives (many of whom are taking serious risks by protesting in Russia), and very much not the war of people in America who happen to come from Russia.
Coming from the same country as a warmongering leader is not a crime (and if it were, every American would be guilty). So I hope we can learn something from our terrible history (much as some people would prefer it not to be taught), and not be awful to everyone of Russian ancestry just because Russia's leader is making war. Consider that Russians who speak English and/or don't spend all their time in Russia are some of the least likely to support Putin.
Also, delighted that people are welcoming Ukrainian refugees, but as I'm sure you've seen in the calmly racist media reports, many pundits seem to view this as a wholly different situation from other, less white war-torn countries. For that reason, I've just now amidst writing this paragraph made a small donation to Save the Children (rated 4 stars on charity navigator) to help Afghan refugees. So whether you're feeling altruistic or just craving the relatively cheap dopamine rush of doing something useful in a world that is mostly nonsense, feel free to join me.
I thought Seth wrote humor! Why so serious, newsletter?
Okay, we'll end on a joke, this is one of my favorite "cute jokes" I've written, and has even been in my stand-up act:
Q: What did the broccoli say to his getaway driver?
A: Floret!
Thanks for reading.
Appreciatively,
Seth
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