[Seth Says] Present: Tense
Are you proud of stealing people's gift-wrapping materials? Go ahead, take a bow. Yes, we're into the thick of it, or I guess arguably, into the thin of it,...
[Seth Says] New Essential Thanksgiving Songs!
(By which I mean, they contain the essence of Thanksgiving. Think essential oils, rather than medical essentials, which is to say you don't need them and...
[Seth Says] I Also Hate It
So yeah, here we are, this is the world and this is the country. Not great, Bob. But also, I'm sure you, like me, have already read/watched/eaten far too...
[Seth Says] Who Gives A Damocles?
Q: Why don't theatre companies ever stage the story of Damocles? A: Too much overhead. I was originally going to title this week's newsletter "MF...
[Seth Says] Do the Needful
It's the hot new dance trend that's sweeping the nation! Do the Needful! Well, okay, it's not sweeping the nation. (For that matter, it's not even a hot new...
[Seth Says] Settling For Happiness
I know, weird concept, right? Isn't happiness one of those unattainable sky-high goals? Don't you need things to be going much better in order to be happy?...
[Seth Says] Snoop Loggy Log
Greetings Friends, Readers, Countrymen, I come not to bury Snoop Dogg, but to praise him. (He's not dead, sorry, just realized that could worry people)(Well,...
[Seth Says] In Which Seth Gives A Speech
Hello Friends (and Very Committed Enemies), Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Blatherton Court, the place where we court blather. (The judge's...
[Seth Says] Part of This Complete Breakfast!
The other day I was chatting with a friend about following through on inspirations. Inspiration is as natural and important as breathing, which is probably...
[Seth Says]Bad Link
What, he’s not even gonna rescue Zelda or fight Ganon? Apparently the link to my column in today’s email was incorrect — here’s the correct link to The...
[Seth Says] Olympic Fever!
Or, as it's commonly known, "Covid". ("Jesus, Seth, can't we get a single sentence into your newsletter without something depressing? Don't you like humor?"...
[Seth Says] Comedy= Tragedy+Time
I'm a math head. Still better than using Sethamphetamines, but I do tend to overdo it on math sometimes. What can I say, I derive pleasure from applying...
[Seth Says] Courting Disaster
It's really the only appropriate way to treat disaster. What, you just want to show up, wham, bam, thank you apocalypse? No, where's the respect? Where's the...
[Seth Says] I won the National Press Club Humor Award!
No burying the lead here -- we wouldn't want it to get into the groundwater! Yes, I am delighted to say that I have won the National Press Club's 2024 Humor...
[Seth Says] NOW That's What I Call Madness!
If you remember the 80s, which were a mere 20 years ago, 20 years ago, you may remember an avalanche of TV commercials for music collections. Before everyone...
[Seth Says] Bonus Content!
I mean, arguably, the whole newsletter is bonus content. (Or malus content, depending how much you enjoy it.) But my column this week comes with some bonus...
[Seth Says] A Delicious Bowl Of Wrong Flakes
Because breakfast is too early in the morning for eating humble pie. Yes, I make various pronouncements in my newsletter to the best of my knowledge, but I'm...
[Seth Says] The Most Dangerous Game
As protests rage across college campuses, some administrations are threatening to expel the student leaders of the protests, while in other locations police...
[Seth Says] National Poetry Month!
There's something that I may have threatened to do,and will actually do it this time.And that's for this newsletter, all the way through,I'm writing the damn...
[Seth Says] Clippy's Revenge
Tonight we feasted on various kinds of frozen (well, unfrozen and then steamed) shumai, and it occurs to me that dumpling should be a gerund. Dimpling sort...
[Seth Says] Ready, Set, Godot!
Wait for it... Although if you're waiting for actionable advice, go do something. INDEPENDENT THOUGHT Confession time: Thought Leadership is a style of...
[Seth Says] March Times On
How is it March already? I'd already lost my time sense years ago, but now it's completely gone. Of course, it's also true that I have nothing approaching a...
[Seth Says] This Is Perfectly Normal
So the other day I'm walking around my house talking to myself in a menacing voice while introducing myself like I'm some sort of movie henchman, you know,...
[Seth Says] Good Vibes Only
Hello Friends, In an attempt not to actually turn this newsletter into Sad Times Monthly, I'm aiming for good vibes only in this issue. There is, admittedly,...
[Seth Says] Apocalypse Number Five
Because at times like these, who can mambo? A little bit of covid in my life,A little bit of climate change causing strife,A little bit of fascism every dayA...
[Seth Says] Oft Given, Rarely Taken
Hello Friends! Welcome to the Bob Newhart Sh-- I mean, the Buttondown mind of-- I mean, my new Buttondown newsletter. Which, okay, is basically the same as...
[Seth Says] Short and Sweet
The Peter Dinklage of emails. (well, he was sweet in Cyrano.) This is early because it's not a real newsletter, it's just a test email to see if you can...
[Seth Says] I'm OK - You're ????
Happy Holidays, Friends. By which I mean that it is the holiday season, and I hope this timespan contains some happiness for you. (One might well ask why I...
[Seth Says] Gratitude: The Lonely Journey
A weird thing about gratitude is that it sounds like "Grrr, attitude!", which is sort of the opposite of what it means. But that's not really what I had on...
[Seth Says] Never Don't Not Stop
You can tell I'm not an optimist because I use a quadruple negative. (Clearly I need one more negative, making it quintessential.) (Hi Five!) There's a joke...
[Seth Says] Sponsored By No One!
Hello Friends, Welcome to another exciting edition of this newsletter, which is not sponsored by anyone, and is written entirely by me. I can't promise that...
[Seth Says] Create Yourself By Your Own Bootstraps
An interesting thing about the phrase "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" is that it is mostly used today to mean "Put in the hard work and effort and...
[Seth Says] License To Kill -- sort of
I have a license to kill. I mean, I guess it's not technically a license to kill, but in some sense the end result is the same. Just like a license for a...
[Seth Says] All You Can't Eat!
Longtime subscribers used to not loading the same photo that is always there should be sure to see the above photo, which is a departure from usual. It is a...
[Seth Says] With Great Power...
...you can do all sorts of stuff! You can bend people and even rules to your will. (Maybe that's why they call it "going on a bender"?)(It isn't.) Having...
[Seth Says] Amateur Nouns In Your Area
I was going to put something in the subject line about this newsletter being safe for work despite the title, but is it really safe to read anything at work...
[Seth Says] Always Be Enterplaining
People are exhausting to deal with. This is a general truth about people. Or I guess arguably, it's two general truths about people, both that they are...
[Seth Says] Cleaning Probably Won't Kill You...
...but there's always a chance! Most accidents do occur in the home, and cleaning is exactly the sort of thing that disturbs long-dormant evil forces which...
[Seth Says] "Just two things of which you must beware..."
"...don't drink the water and don't breathe the air." Yes, with 3 straight days of air quality warnings here and today's AQI over 150, today's newsletter is...
[Seth Says] It's a Matter of Pride
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! This newsletter proudly supports LGBTQ+ people in living their best lives. (This newsletter has also apparently gained sentience? I guess...
[Seth Says] The Benefit Of Being Useless
TGIU: THANK GOD I'M USELESS I know it seems like a super-weird thing to say, right? Like, isn't being useful sort of a goal? And no, this isn't just due to...
[Seth Says] You'll Just Have To Wait
"...you can't hurry love, no, you'll just have to wait, That is, unless she tells you, 'Hurry up, or we'll be late.'" GREETINGS, READERINOS! Yeah, that...
[Seth Says] It's easy to predict the future...
...as long as you don't need to get it right. People are predicting the future all the time, and if you predict enough futures, some of them are bound to be...
[Seth Says] Lose Your Soul With Just 50 A Day!
I hate networking. I was going to write this newsletter and got distracted by Facebook and sure enough I didn't scroll down more than 2-3 pages before an ad...
[Seth Says] How does a toddler eat oatmeal?
Everything Everywhere All At Once. Yes, last week I finally got around to watching the winner of this year's Oscar for Best Picture and countless other...
[Seth Says] Would You Settle For A Partial Idiot?
Hello Friends, I hate doing my taxes. Partially this is because we shouldn't have to. But partially it's because sometimes they make me feel like a complete...
[Seth Says] Simpleton!
SIMPLETON! Turns out it's tricky to have a subject line that talks about my award-winning musical "Simpleton!" without sounding like I am insulting you via...
[Seth Says] Punctuated Productivity Tips
I considered ending that subject line with an interrobang. For those of you unfamiliar with that punctuation, it's probably the best way to get information...
[Seth Says] I Didn't Quit!
Friendly greeting! Attempt to engender goodwill by briefly addressing you before immediately talking about me! Spoiling of desired effect through compulsive...
[Seth Says] With Library and Justice For All*
*offer may not be valid in all states; see your local listings for details. Hello Friends, I am here to tell you never to take a nap 5 hours before you...