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A Moment’s Peace

Life is busy whirring on and on. The bees in my head are nesting successfully. There is simply too much to get done in a day and the world won’t let me be.

I often have days where I feel like this. It’s common for me to come home, ears ringing from the voices of the people around me, my mind ruminating on the demands the day brought and replaying the conversations I have had over and over again. During these moments, I just want to be alone, preferably outdoors.

When I was quite unwell with burnout a few years ago, convalescence looked like walking every day to my local park. Now with my mental health slightly more settled than it once was, it occurred to me recently that I could bring the park to my house.

I’m fortunate that I have a small back yard. Not the kind of ‘small garden’ people lament on Gardener’s World, however.

Sidenote (aka ADHD tangent): for my overseas readers, Gardener’s World is a British institution. It does exactly what it says on the tin, in that it teaches you about gardening, and for the past few years it really has tried to portray gardening as not just something that is exclusive to posh people. Us skint proles can plant up a pot or two and legitimately call it a garden. Exciting!

It’s also extremely mindful viewing, with quite a bit of the programme taken up with birdsong, and silent bits where the presenter, a lovely gentleman called Monty Don (the most British name anyone can think of) pushes a wheelbarrow while his dog trots alongside him.

I’m a loyal viewer, but one little thing about the programme always gets my goat. There is usually a segment where we see a viewer-made video. It’s typically someone filming themselves in their own garden showing you how to grow potatoes in a cardboard box or something. Here is where we tend to hear from someone like Rosie from Weston-Super-Mare who describes the acre she inherited from her father, the 17th Duke of Englandshire, as ‘rather small’. This happens loads, where people look out on their literal field of a back garden and mutter ‘I know it’s rather pokey but we make do with what we have.’ By the standards of Gardener’s World, our back yard is miniscule.

I digress.

I’ve never bothered with the yard, save for the lockdown years where I had a go at growing tomatoes. The results were…variable. At the start of my tomato growing fixation I bought a sign that says ‘Gardening is cheaper than therapy, and you get tomatoes.’

Only problem is when you don’t get tomatoes, and they failed surprisingly more often than I imagined they would. Ironically I found myself so upset I could have done with therapy.

I had a bit of a blank canvas with the garden. I repurposed the vegetable growing pots and planted flower seeds like nasturtiums and cosmos. I cleaned up a pair of chairs that are, I’ll admit, rotting away a bit, but still do the job, and placed them in the corner alongside a bunch of rose campions whose seeds I kept from a wildflower mix a few years ago. There are a few dahlia bulbs growing in pots, as well as three sunflowers. In a separate corner I have a cluster of very small trees I’ve have collected over the years. A bay tree that comes in handy when cooking (not my cooking, natch). A conifer I bought at Lidl years ago for about £3. The landlord’s bamboo plant that was dying until I started watering it, so it’s basically mine now. There are also a lot of weeds, or as I prefer to say, hero plants.

I’m so glad I decided to bother to do something with the yard, and to have the mental energy to get it looking ok. The best bit is just being able to sit out amongst the greenery after a busy day of having a busy brain.

You can either sit there, feel the sun on your face and catch your breath, or, if your brain won’t switch off, you can potter about a bit. Do a bit of weeding. Deadhead some flowers. Move some pots around. You can keep yourself busy, away from your phone and distract yourself a bit.

It’s cheaper than therapy, and you get a garden.

I’m so fortunate, and very grateful.

Take it easy,

Ren

Thank you so much for reading.

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These are very exciting times for Wavy Thoughts. Thank you for being here.

Take it easy,

Ren

PS. If you liked this post, you might also like:

I keep finding grey hairs - by Ren Riley - Wavy Thoughts

And it brings me joy

Pausing in the park - by Ren Riley - Wavy Thoughts

My daily trips to the park during autistic burnout

'Slow Down' - a phrase I'm trying to understand

It is one the essentials to ensure recovery from autistic burnout, but how do I actually do that?