NTC eleven: “fake it” asian soup
Hey friends;
Thanks to an ongoing global pandemic, my local noodle soup shop has been closed. Not just closed for customers, just closed. In this edition of the No Talent Club, I will tell you how to make a good-enough asian noodle soup. It’s not a real asian soup, it’s just near to asian soup.
above: you too can make this soup
It’s the end of the year as I write this, that week before the New Year and after christmas. In the past, I’ve gone back to my parents house for longer periods around Christmas and New Years, to see old friends and my parents. This usually ends up with me still on the couch, watching bad films, in the first few week of January, when everybody else has gone back to work. I am avoiding this embarrassing mistake by not going home this year, as the global pandemic makes it harder - and possibly slightly deadlier.
above: yup, that's me Dec 23 - Jan 08
This means that I have to cook for myself over the winter period. I’m pretty good at cooking for myself, but now I live with my partner I have to be more creative - I can’t just eat red lentil dhal for four nights, or boiled eggs and toast. I have to put effort into making meals, even when I don’t feel like it. And on the nights I feel like making the least amount of effort, I make fake asian soup, because it’s quick, it doesn’t taste like the other things I make, and it doesn’t have potatoes in it. I hate potatoes.
If you’re bored of leftovers and potatoes, maybe this is the soup for you:
HOW IT WORKS
This soup makes the most of two things: the Japanese idea of ‘umami’ flavour, and the Chinese idea of cutting things up real small before you fry them really hot. Umami is the Japanese word for super-savoury things, things that are delicious and salty. For this recipe, you’ll be grabbing all the umami things from the cupboard and throwing them in a pot.
The other thing you need to do is cut up your food really small so it cooks quickly. The food historian Bee Wilson says that Chinese food uses food cut up into small pieces so that it cooks quicker, because firewood would often be hard to find. English people, on the other hand, had loads of firewood and only learned how to roast things, hence the French nickname for English people, ‘rostbif’ (roast beef).
WHAT UMAMI THINGS?!
Here is a list of umami ingredients you might have in your kitchen:
Sun-dried tomatoes
Soy sauce
sesame seeds
Miso paste
Mushrooms
seaweed
INGREDIENTS:
At least two of the above umami ingredients
cumin
an onion
some ginger
peppers, carrots, or other vegetables
water and boullion
a pack of instant noodles (and it’s flavouring)
some smoked tofu
some cheap wine
TOPPINGS:
sesame seeds
kimchi
chilli flakes
fermented ginger
parsley and corriander
maybe some feta
seaweed and sesame mix
spring onions
You know what? I wrote a whole email about this last time, maybe check that.
START CHOPPIN’:
Before you even turn the hob on, cut up all your vegetables really small. Like teeny-tiny little bits of carrot, strips of peppers, and almost see-through bits of onion. In fact, if you can cut your onion so small that you can see through it, that is perfect. Once you have a big pile of vegetables, cut up the tofu into cubes. I recommend getting the smoked tofu because that adds even more umami flavour.
FIRE IT UP:
Heat up your soup pot and put some vegetable oil in. This is one time you don’t want to use olive oil. While the oil is heating up, put the cumin, the extremely thin pieces of onion, and garlic in the pot. When the onion is looking cooked, throw on the ginger and whatever umami things you have for a few minutes. This means the onion should be cooking for about five minutes, getting really brown. You might have to poke it around. Once it’s smelling strong, throw the rest of the vegetables and let them get steamy.
On the other hand, if you have no time and a hangry family waiting to eat, just throw everything in at once.
Once everything is hot and sweaty, pour some wine in the pot to lift the oil off the bottom of the pan, add the chopped tofu, water, and bouillon, and then bring it to the boil. Because you cut all the vegetables up into tiny, tiny little bits, they will cook quickly - hurrah!
above: I am a dirty dirty cheat and I don't care who knows
Now it’s time to start cheating. Take the instant noodle packet and throw all the noodles into the soup, as well as whatever ‘flavour’ packet came with the soup. If it also came with some other packets, like oil or weird dried herbs, throw them away - the food in your kitchen is probably better quality.
While the noodles are cooking, prepare your toppings. Maybe you have to get the seeds out of the back of the cupboard, or cut up the herbs. Also get the plates and spoons out, because lord knows I always forget to; I am writing this sentence for me, not you.
THE END
Look, I have some other stuff to write and I need to get back to eating chocolate on the couch. Next year I will continue to write these stupid little newsletters about food, with the same care and attention I bring to everything else in my life: that is to say, not so much.
