Making it easy for people to refer you
Coachee, counselee, referee
I’m being coached. It’s another novel and profound experience in my fifties. I seem to be collecting them. There’s always something to look forward to.
Skill is required on both sides of a coaching relationship. That goes without saying for a coach. Coaching is a profession. There are frameworks, qualifications, and accreditations. But we don’t pay as much attention to the qualities of a receptive coachee*. An unintended consequence of therapy was to set me up for being coached. I learned a lot from being a counselee*. It’s a more rewarding experience if you let your guard down and surrender to your vulnerability. The same goes for being coached. It rewards openness. On the receiving end, a coaching session is a rare and rarefied occasion when there’s no incentive to impress. Quite the opposite in fact. It works best if you embrace your ignorance, which is liberating. Having someone dedicate an hour to your improvement feels self-indulgent. It’s like an intellectual massage. And it’s energising. I’m convinced that the joy of learning is the closest thing we have to an elixir of youth.
*A side note on “ee” words. I Googled “coachee” and I’m assured that it’s a bona fide dictionary word. However, it obviously wasn’t in the training data for spellcheck applications. They hate it. “Counselee” is also real, which surprised me. Spellcheck is set to kill for that one too. I would have used it anyway because it contributes to the “ee” motif in this article.
Passive or pushy
Conversation with my coach turned to referrals recently. I’d like more work to come from referrals, but my approach has been passive. Referrals will take care of themselves as long as you leave a trail of happy clients behind you, right? And given the choice between passive and pushy, I’d choose passive every time.
My coach has other ideas. Crucially, he has other ideas that don’t conflict with my values and personality. Passive and pushy are not the only options. You can be strategic and proactive about referrals without any crass behaviour.
There are two aspects to meaningful referrals: vouching and matching. Vouching is about trust. Matching is about fit.
When a person refers you to someone in their network, their reputation is on the line. If you help one of your contacts out with a useful introduction, it strengthens your reputation as a helpful and reliable person. But it can damage your reputation if you get referrals wrong. So most people don’t make referrals lightly. Reputation is everything and they manage referral risk accordingly. Reputation brings out the conservative in all of us.
Vouching and matching
A. Vouching.
You’ll only get referrals from someone if they can vouch for you. They know you're good at what you do. They trust you to make a good first impression. And they believe that your values generally align with those of their contacts. The vouching bit of referrals is like passing Go in Monopoly. Trust is uncoachable, and it’s not something a Lowfalutin article can help you with if it’s a problem.
B. Matching
You’ll only get referrals if someone knows how to match you to the right opportunities. This is the bit that coaching has helped me with. If you want someone to help you with referrals, you first have to help them.
Your ideal client and their problem stack
The best way to help someone match you for referrals is to give them the language to filter the people in their network and identify the bullseye problems that you can solve for them. You need a pithy and precise description of your ideal client. And you need a pithy and precise description of their typical “problem stack.” If you get these right it should be easy for someone to match you with the right opportunities. And, because they can vouch for you, they’ll be happy to do so.
Here is the prototype language that I’ve been working on with my coach.
My ideal client is:
The founder or CEO…
… of a b2b or service company.
They have close relationships with their customers. (Their customers know them well.)
They see themselves as being on some kind of crusade.
It’s very important that advisers get them.
They like things kept simple, direct and pragmatic.
Does that remind you of anyone?
And their typical problem stack is (in their words):
Our customer relationships are strong, but our first impressions are weak.
We’ve a great story to tell, but it’s not coming across in our comms.
Our culture sets us apart, but there’s not enough of our character in our marketing.
OVERALL, OUR BRAND IS UNDERWHELMING AND WE DESERVE BETTER.
This is all loose and 1.0. I'd love to make it better. So I’d be grateful for any feedback. Does it work for you? Can you immediately narrow down the likely candidates from your network? If you were so inclined, could you spot the right opportunities on my behalf?
Regardless, I hope this is as useful for you as it is for me. The idea of a problem stack was a lightbulb moment. It’s applied empathy. Put yourself in the shoes of your ideal client. Put yourself in the shoes of a potential referrer. And make yourself an easier referee.
There's obviously more to seeking referrals than having the right matchmaking language. Ethical referrals are about doing right by everyone involved. Who do you ask? When do you ask? How do you frame the ask? How do you ensure that everyone benefits from the various exchanges that are involved?
I'll ask my coach.
Talking of referrals
If there’s someone in your network who would get something from this newsletter, don’t be shy about referring it to them. Thank you.
