Hey there and welcome to Simply Solidarity, whether you're joining for the first or the **checks** sixth time!

[tiny party in acknowledgement of making it to six newsletters without giving up - fitting and relevant party as our Solidarity Spotlight features someone whose birthday is TODAY!!]

ANYWAY! Apropos of quite a lot that I've observed lately, I wanted to focus on the stories we Pale People of Privilege tell ourselves, especially the stories that act as barriers to solidarity action. Stick with me on this, because although we tell ourselves these stories, if we really interrogate them I think we'll find we didn't write them!

So who's putting the stories into our heads?

I'll get to that.

Let's start with the stories.

The most common one I see across social media is 'I wish I could do something (but I can't)'. I'm willing to bet any amount of fake money that this one also features regularly IRL*.

Other stories seem to be variations on a theme; 'It's such a big, complex problem, I just don't know where to begin (so I won't try)'; 'I would love to do more but I'm already at my limit (and I don't want to consider what I could change)'; 'I've already tried to do something and it didn't work (so I gave up)' - in all of these stories there is a helplessness, as well as a justification for inaction, the sum total of which amounts to that fancy newfangled concept - the thought terminating cliche.

Somewhere between childhood, when (if sufficiently privileged) we got excited to hear or read the opening 'Once upon a time…' and discover what interesting things followed, and adulthood where we often end up telling ourselves stories that deliberately stop us investigating or being open to new ways of thinking, SOMETHING happened to us.

Our stories got twisted by something insidious that used stories against us - a greater, societal force that taught us we are deficient, we are less than, we are lacking, but that if we try hard enough, spend enough money, act and dress and appear in certain ways, we can be closer to WORTHY.

Worthy of what, exactly, is never clarified, but it lies somewhere between envy, status, importance, adoration, veneration, and belonging to a better set than everyone else. Or at least, than everyone lesser.

Sometimes it's packaged as being worthy of love, and that's a particularly low blow, especially when a quick scan of tv, movies, novels and social media in the West, demonstrates that the 'love' being peddled is not the love we learned about as children (though maybe this reflects my age, and younger generations will have a different experience of the type of love that was sold to them as kids). The 'love' I see portrayed most often is jealous, controlling, coercive, temporary, and almost inevitably bound up in heteronormative relationships, but somehow it's always still everyone's ultimate goal to possess.

My recollection of 'love' in fiction was very Disneyfied - it involved heroics, swooning, overcoming an external threat or villain, magical helpers or supportive circumstances, and a happy ending.

My personal experience of love as a child was much more of a contradiction in terms, as is often the case for children in abusive households. This confused matters for me, because being on the receiving end of something that feels very much like NOT love, but being told it is, leaves a person muddled.

I suspect many of my peers might be familiar with the following: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) - this was a beautiful group of aspirations but a set of ideals I found very distant from my experience. I liked that they weren't necessarily bound to relationships, but they felt like a list of goals I was doomed to fail at.

More recent input via my wife, brought me to this: "Love in the Qur’an is not confined to sentiment but is demonstrated through action. Allah, described as Al-Wadud (The Loving) in Surah Al-Buruj (85:14), establishes love as both spiritual devotion and ethical conduct. Believers are called to express love by practicing mercy, fairness, and generosity, ensuring that compassion extends beyond personal bonds to humanity as a whole. These teachings form the foundation of Islamic ethics, where love for Allah inspires love for family, society, and creation itself." (https://rohani.my/themes/life/love/) This I appreciate very much, because it gives a list of pretty clear instructions for 'how to' love. That's a fantastic start for someone like me, who often feels uncertain about what I should be doing.

I've digressed…maybe…but here's the thing about stories - they often go in a loop and come back to the point, and I promise to reel it in soon.

There's a story missing.

That story is our relationship with ourselves. That's the most important one of all, and the one that seems to have the least external input from fiction, faith, education, or (certainly in my experience) family. And that leaves us vulnerable to stories from other sources about how we ought to be.

(See? I'm getting there, I said I would!)

When we're told from all angles that the most important things about us are how we look, what brands we wear, what our bodies and minds are capable of achieving, how much we earn, who we're in a relationship with, and who we ostracise as unworthy, we are vulnerable to heeding them.

When we start to value those stories, we are susceptible to internalising them.

When we refuse to reevaluate our outlook and approach to life, we are done.

We've been sold a package rooted in our lack of worth, according to the people who can sell us what 'fixes' it. We've invested in their ideals and if you look under the shiny advertising offering a more worthy you, you'll see the stain of white supremacy, capitalism, and patriarchy.

But the shiny is addictive and most people are doing it, and humans LIKE to be in the trendy club, keeping up with our peers, showing we've 'made it', and PART OF THE GROUP, so we go along with it and keep doing it, and that's how we end up with people spending their lives miserably trying to get the influencer look, the better job, the next size down and the next house size up - for the majority of us, these are unrealistic expectations that corporations tell us should be easy to achieve, and our personal failing, if we can't. That's how we end up with the idea that we CAN'T make changes, can't make a difference, can't even sort our own lives out so they're close to how they 'should be'. That's how we end up with SHEIN and Temu and Apple and Amazon and Epstein and Musk.

At some point in history, we meandered (or were led) away from the stories about US and got lost in the stories about STUFF. Then muddled the two together and the stuff became what made us US, and we started chasing impossible ideals that profit a handful of rich old white men (reductive, I know, but this is MY telling of the story, and I'm allowed!).

So who are we, when everything's stripped away? What are our core values? How strong is our integrity? Are we staunch in our principles? Do we even like ourselves? Are we kind? Do we err on the side of generosity? Do we give the benefit of the doubt? Do the things we believe matter, actually matter, in the bigger picture, beyond the context of our own selves, our lives, our generation? Do we feel responsibility to the people who will inherit the earth? Do we care about where we live? Are we good stewards? Good ancestors? Do we even know the point of our existence? Do we create? Do we imagine? Are we searching? Are we stuck?

Which brings me neatly to a beautiful allegory that seems to feature in various faith traditions as well as biology and nature - the transformation of the stagnant lake, which can only occur if fresh water flows in AND old water flows out, and the result is that an entire ecosystem begins to flourish.

Have a think over the course of this week about where you can open yourself to fresh water. What old water are you hanging onto? Where are you stagnant and where are you growing? How's your relationship with yourself, and what do you cherish about who you are?

And what kind of person do you want to be?

In a world where you can be anything, be KIND.

Solidarity Spotlight

This time the spotlight shines on my friend Britt, who is a disabled, Black, non-binary person whose birthday month (now, and their birthday as I write this) marks their second birthday homeless. For SEVENTEEN MONTHS they've had no fixed abode, been dependant on the whim of friends and strangers to stay off the streets, and faced life isolated apart from their ESA, Topaz (black cat/gremlin/tiny chaos entity). They've been at risk on the street, spent daisychains of days without their basic survival needs met, experienced the complex, interconnected bureaucratic nightmare of the voracious cycle of homelessness, and still have not been enabled to escape. They are a living testament to the viciousness of systemic disparity and deprivation, coupled with relentless prejudices, injustices, and adverse childhood experiences.

They are also a kind, funny, beautiful human who is filled with whimsy, humour, creativity, and hope, as well as constant disappointment, deep sadness, and rage. They make jewellery. They create cute graphics of Topaz doing Cat Things. They want to get a job and go back to school but remain trapped trying to perform poverty without making too many people uncomfortable, for upwards of 12 hours a day online, to glean enough support to stay off the streets.

Please grab the graphic below, made by our friend Dalton, and share it somewhere on social media, and consider if you can spare even a fiver, to keep Britt off the streets. Share this newsletter with your friends and family, so they can join in the stories, the retelling, and whether or not they too want to choose a next chapter where they really do Do Something to Make A Difference.

Britt needs all the difference they can get!

Text to share: Britt is entering their SEVENTEENTH month homeless and needs support to stay off the streets THIS WEEK! Please share if you're not in a position to spare, and spare (if safe) via linktr.ee/hiitsbritt

[alt text - Graphic alerts to a mutual aid need: a central image of an upside down black cat, a toadstool, and a pink potion, are surrounded by swirls and stars. Text says 'Britt is a disabled, Black MaGe who is entering their SEVENTEENTH month homeless! They need all support for immediate shelter and basic needs as well as long-term rehousing. What a wonderful world this could be if more of us did what we COULD to make a difference.' You are directed to support via linktr.ee/hiitsbritt]

*I have an issue with calling it IRL but at the moment I can't think of a simpler way to distinguish 'online life' from 'offline life'…but it's all REAL life, ok? Ok.