Lean In
Lean in to co-regulation and its impact on parenting
Dear fellow parent,
Thank you for meeting me here again. Whether today has brought a quiet moment of connection or a tangle of unmet needs, I’m so grateful you're reading.
In our last Lean In newsletter, we reflected on the strange, courageous act of hope — the kind that parents of children with developmental differences carry, even when no one else sees it. This week, I’d like to lean into something equally powerful, but often overlooked:
Co-regulation.
That word might sound clinical or abstract, but I want to bring it down to earth. This is a word I have used many many times over the years as I support parents and children. It is also a critical element of how I parent my own children. If I am not ok, this affects how I am with them. Putting on my own oxygen mask first comes to mind.
Co-regulation is what happens when nervous systems meet — when one person’s calm helps another soften. It’s how babies learn to feel safe, how trust grows without words, how bodies remember they belong.
And here’s the quiet truth that modern systems often miss:
You are co-regulating with your child all the time.
In the car. On the floor. In the meltdown. In the waiting room.
You are the steady beat beneath the chaos.
The rhythm that says, “I’m still here.”
The breath that says, “You don’t have to hold this alone.”
This is especially true for children who process the world differently — who may not be able to tell us with words when their systems are overwhelmed. Often, we learn to listen with our whole bodies. And often, no one sees how much work that takes.
Co-regulation isn’t just something you offer your child.
It’s something you need, too.
From a friend who doesn't flinch when you vent.
From a stranger who smiles at your child without judgement.
From the barista who remembers your name.
From the land under your feet, or the dog who leans into your leg to say hello.
This week, I invite you to notice the co-regulators around you — those who help your nervous system find its breath again.
Try this:
Pause and reflect:
When did you help your child feel safe this week — not by fixing, but by simply staying present?
Notice the unnoticed:
Who helped you regulate this week? It could be someone who said nothing at all — just stood beside you with kindness.
Ask yourself:
What would it look like to build more moments of shared regulation into your day — not as a task, but as a form of mutual nourishment?
A Glimpse Ahead
Next, we’ll continue our journey through the L-E-A-D invitations:
Engage with purpose and presence.
And always:
Before you close this email, take one breath for yourself, and one for your child.
Not the child systems label — but the child whose very being invites you back into relationship.
And may we become the kind of community that co-regulates together—through the storms, through the stillness, through it all.