Lean In
Lean In: Noticing What You Know (and Why It Matters)
Dear fellow parent,
Thank you for being here. Whether you’re reading this in a stolen moment of quiet or while mopping up crumbs, answering questions, and responding to cries, I’m so glad we’re together again.
Last week in Lean In, we explored co-regulation — the invisible dance between nervous systems. This week, let’s build on that:
Notice. Affirm. Need.
This beautiful triad comes from the work of Zach Mercurio. Zach in his research looks at leadership and team leadership specifically. I think that when we parent we are like team leaders and as I read his work I thought this is an interesting way to look at how we parent.
1. Notice
So often, you know exactly what your child needs.
You see the subtle signs — how they tuck their hands when they’re overwhelmed, how their breath quickens in unfamiliar spaces, how they reach not with words, but with energy.
That noticing?
That’s not small.
That’s relational superpowers.
It’s you tuning in when no one else does.
It’s the slow pacing of parenting that doesn’t show up in diagnostic reports or progress charts.
2. Affirm
When you notice your child’s needs and respond with care — you are parenting exactly as your child needs you to.
Even when the outcome isn’t tidy.
Even when others don’t understand.
Even when your own inner critic tries to tell you you’re not doing enough.
This is enough.
You are seeing. You are showing up. You are doing the work that matters.
Let that land. Let it soak into the part of you that often only hears what’s missing.
3. Need
Here’s the part we often skip over, especially those of us parenting children who move differently through the world:
You are needed.
Not because you do everything perfectly.
But because your presence — the way you notice and respond with care — is something no one else can replicate.
You don’t need to become someone else to be the “right” parent.
You already are the parent your child needs.
This week try this:
Notice:
When did you “just know” what your child needed this week? Even if no one else saw it —you did. What did that moment teach you?
Affirm:
Can you tell yourself, right now:
"That mattered. That was good parenting. I saw something no one else saw."
Write it down. Say it out loud.
Need:
Who are you needed by, this week? Not just your child — but maybe a friend, a neighbour, a community that doesn’t even know yet how deeply your way of noticing is reshaping the world.
A Glimpse Ahead:
Next time, we’ll explore the E in our L-E-A-D framework:
Engage
And always:
Before you close this email, take one breath for yourself, and one for your child.
Not the child described in forms or systems.
The child whose being called you into becoming.
May we notice what we know.
May we affirm what is good.
May we remember why we are needed.