The Best $5 I Ever Spent*
*Not for the first or last time, surely.
Oh, hey, Bestie!! Do you want some googly eyes?
I was walking around Target last weekend, looking for Rit dye when I saw a bag of googly eyes. Rit dye and googly eyes are, improbably, in the school supply aisle (in my day we called it Green Lines), and for $5 I flung the bag of googly eyes into my cart faster than, well, anything I’ve flung in my cart before.
Endless amusement for $5? Say less.
I haven’t peeled the paper backing off a single eyeball yet, but I’ve been handing out full sets when I remember I have them. I went to grab my AirPods and offered googly eyes to my co-worker. “Here, have a full set,” I said, as I found three sizes. “Thank you, I’ll hold on to them forever,” he said, and it sounded very caring, but what he meant was, “I, a grown man, will never do a single thing with these.”
I’m sure if he looked harder on the boardwalk, he’d find a good place for them.
I thought I’d stick them on offensive graffiti, but the only graffiti I see, and don’t like, is “Let’s Go Brandon” on blank name tags stuck over the Atlantic Avenue-Pacific Street escalator outside the Barclays Center. I’ve been studiously slapping Coney Island Brewery stickers over those on my way home from the other, larger Target.
I opened my belt bag (fanny pack) at BAM and offered a bestie a “full set.” They put one on their calf. We should have put the googly eyes on their tattoos!
The fact that none of you have received googly eyes is because I haven’t remembered that I was carrying a bag of them when I saw you last.
I thought I could round out this newsletter with what should be a fascinating history of googly eyes, but there’s not a lot to say about kid’s craft supplies: the name may derive from the comic strip Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. It wasn’t until the 1970s, and the introduction of the Weepul, that the googly eyes appeared at the kitchen table for crafting sessions, though the eyes had been on other toys, and dolls, before. Wikipedia credits the 2000s with “eyebombing,” the act of putting googly eyes where they don’t belong; I’ve put googly eyes where they don’t belong my whole life (and I think Wendi McLendon-Covey has, too). I would guess that the Internet made this idea more accessible, leading to the 2008 SNL sketch wherein Christopher Walken is surrounded by cacti decorated with googly eyes.
In any event, the largest pair in the world is twelve feet across. Harder to carry around than my bag of eyes from Target, but I surmise the smiles you’d get for offering your colleague a set of twelve-foot-wide googly eyes would be, well, bigger.
Another Great Purchases (Dribs and Drabs)
This $10 toilet light sort of eliminates the need for a night light in the bathroom. Great if you don’t have a goddamn outlet in the bathroom.
I saw Bottoms Monday, and I loved it. One of the characters went on a tangent so spectacular, so me, that I laughed so hard I cried. It’s like Barbie, if it were violent and had more bombs.
Always your friend,
Katherine!!
SOURCES
“125ct Googly Eyes with Sticker Back Black - Mondo LlamaTM.” Target, www.target.com/p/125ct-googly-eyes-with-sticker-back-black-mondo-llama-8482/-/A-81212460#lnk=sametab. Accessed 13 Sept. 2023.
“Googly Eyes Gardener - Saturday Night Live.” YouTube, YouTube, 30 Sept. 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc7qJE9Nzo8.
“Googly Eyes.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 2 July 2023, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Googly_eyes.
Gotthardt, Alexxa. “Where Did Googly Eyes Come From?” Artsy, 2 Oct. 2018, www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-googly-eyes-essential-crafts.
“Largest Pair of Googly Eyes.” Guinness World Records, www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/largest-pair-of-googly-eyes. Accessed 13 Sept. 2023.
McLendon-Covey, Wendi. “What Wendi McLendon-Covey Can’t Live Without.” The Strategist, 1 Sept. 2017, nymag.com/strategist/article/wendi-mclendon-covey-favorite-things.html.