01/03/26

for the last month I have probably cried every day. I think the iron infusion fucked my body up. not that I wasn’t already crying a lot before that but everything seems worse. also my antidepressants ran out and I avoided going to the pharmacy until today because the pharmacist always talks about my mother when I go there. he was kind to her when she was on the verge of death, gave her something she needed though we didn’t have a prescription and her doctor was away and no one seemed to care. it’s March now. the card for March is the nine of pentacles, so something good surely has to happen. today I went to a cafe I don’t go to very often. I read some of the Annie Ernaux book I started yesterday. on Friday, I read another of her books called Happening. I read some on the way to work, some on the way home, finished it that evening. the book is about her trying to find someone who will give her an illegal abortion. she said something in it about the purpose of things happening to her being so that she can write about them.