21/01/26

last night at dinner, R was giving me options. there is always money vs. something else. I couldn’t believe the numbers that came out of his mouth. I said how I’m used to making it work with whatever I have. I need to be discerning about offers, nothing good comes to me when I push. an offer is an opportunity to sharpen my intuition and recalibrate my path, via choosing to accept or not accept it. today I went to the doctor to get iron put into my body. I lay on the bed and liquid flowed into my arm and I googled R while I waited. I saw articles quoting him. sometimes a kind of stormy cloud passes over or through his eyes while he’s talking or as a reaction to something I say. the nurse took my blood pressure four times. I asked her how long the iron takes to work and she said probably a couple of weeks. she asked if I have been feeling tired and I said yes I have no energy and she asked if I’d eaten breakfast this morning. while she removed the needle she tried to distract me by asking questions about my job. I walked home and the air felt suspiciously cold.