Repenting in the Group Chat: How I Came Out as Straight to My Friends
It started with a meme.
Just a simple SpongeBob reaction gif — tasteful, even. But as I hovered over the “send” button, something in my spirit hesitated.
Was this really me?
Or was this the ghost of sassiness past, still clinging to my keyboard like a last, desperate Sephora reward point?
I deleted the gif.
Then I deleted the last three years of messages.
That night, I made the bravest decision of my life:
I came out to the group chat… as straight.
The silence was immediate and deafening.
Someone replied “lol u good?”
Another said “this better not be one of your performance art pieces.”
But I stood firm. I had already unfollowed three thirst accounts and replaced all my Spotify playlists with ambient Gregorian chants and Creed.
I was ready.
I sent my final message:
“I’ve left the lifestyle. I no longer know the difference between Ariana eras. Please respect my journey.”
Since then, the group has been… distant.
No one tags me in drag brunch invites anymore. I haven’t been asked to weigh in on anyone’s Hinge bio in weeks. And someone muted me during a FaceTime without saying anything.
But I’ve found peace.
Now my group chat is filled with verses, accountability reminders, and links to Home Depot Father’s Day specials.
Yes, I miss the drama.
Yes, I sometimes whisper “mother” when I see Angela Bassett.
But I don’t act on it.
Tips for Coming Out as Straight to Your Friends:
Use phrases like “I’m choosing a life of quiet humility” or “I’ve deleted BeReal.”
Send a selfie looking vaguely dehydrated to signal spiritual maturity.
Never, under any circumstances, acknowledge astrology.
Final Word:
Coming out isn’t easy. Especially when it’s backwards.
But God doesn’t make mistakes — unless He made me fabulous just so I’d have something to repent for.
And honestly? That sounds about right.