No Homo, No Problem: How I Replaced My Need for Male Validation
It started innocently enough.
A compliment here, a bicep flex there. I told myself I was just appreciating the male form, the way ancient Greeks did — academically.
But after I called my gym crush “king” for the third time in one week, I knew something had to change.
That’s when I found Jesus…
…and a YouTube video on “How to Build a Tool Shed Without Crying.”
At first, I thought the shed would be a symbolic gesture — a monument to reclaimed masculinity. But somewhere between measuring raw lumber and screaming “I AM ENOUGH” into a pile of cedar planks, I felt something shift. The gay thoughts didn’t disappear — but now, they had to knock before entering.
I began spending every weekend in the shed. Alone. Shirtless. Sweating.
Not in that way. In the righteous, testosterone-soaked, spiritually dehydrated kind of way.
Each hammer strike echoed a mantra:
“I do not need validation from Chad.”
“I am not what Tim’s jawline made me feel.”
“I am wood. I am nails. I am emotionally distant.”
By month two, I’d developed:
A beard patchy enough to assert dominance but sad enough to earn pity.
A newfound hatred of Pinterest.
A deep, spiritual bond with my Craftsman circular saw named Salvation.
Now, every time I’m tempted to say “work, queen” when someone parallel parks perfectly, I clench my jaw, stare at the shed, and remember:
Masculinity is built — not moisturized.
Final Thoughts:
If you’re feeling lost, gay, or just slightly too good at decorating open shelving, grab an axe. Build a shed.
And when the demons of thirst whisper in your ear, scream, “I AM THE CARPENTER NOW.”