Hi everyone,

It feels like stress is this big black shadow lurking at the edges of my vision that I cannot make it shrink and I certainly cannot make go away. I am working on that. Stress management was a large part of what last week’s note was all about.

Here’s my issue: I stress when there is nothing that I can do to ensure everything goes perfectly, and I stress that I cannot stop stressing.

Sometimes when I desperately need guidance on something, it is helpful to write to myself as if I am writing to a friend, and honestly, how much more perfect could this newsletter platform be for that?

Before I go any further — lets do the housekeeping.

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Third, I say some personal and vulnerable shit every week. Say some vulnerable shit back. It’s called a community.

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Okay — back to it.

Dear Friend,

Gosh, everything is a lot right now, isn’t it? There are a million and one things that you are trying to keep straight, trying to communicate, and trying to execute. I totally get how that can be frustrating and overwhelming. I get that sometimes you just wish people could do things the exact way that you would do it. You know that is not realistic or fair to them or to yourself. You cannot control everything and you cannot control everyone.

Here’s my advice.

I want you to first, go back to everything you know about managing your stress —like this newsletter (about breathing), and also this newsletter (about leaning on your tools in high stress situations) and also this one (about a time management strategy).

So that is established: you do know some things. I can hear you already, screaming but none of that is helping! I get it. Like I said, you are navigating some stressful things right now. Hell, it’s been a stressful last couple of weeks and you are tired. I see that. It doesn’t mean that you can’t get through it though. It doesn’t mean that you are inevitably going to fuck everything up or make enemies. That sounds like black-and-white thinking and you know better than that.

Second, remember that everyone is shittier when they are stressed. For you, your warrior tendencies come out and you get more controlling and headstrong when you are stressed. You can also be more responsive to challenges and are good at trusting your gut. It’s awesome that you know that! You can be aware of when you are being controlling or domineering and decide when that is necessary and when it isn’t.

You realized this week that one of the hardest things that you navigate when you are stressed is the strain that it puts on your relationships at work. It makes sense. People matter to you and relationships really matter to you. It also makes sense that relationships get strained during periods of stress. Honestly, the best advise I can give on that is to do your best not put more stress on these relationships than is already created by the circumstances and be ready to rebuild trust and relationships.

You got this.

Best,

Zoe

Femme Futures Cooperative

The Femme Futures Cooperative is a community space for young professionals who identify as over-achievers and activists to generate collective success by providing resources and platforms to thrive in challenging workplaces.

By Zoe