Hi there,

I have wanted to write a note on self care for a long time. What better time to write on than Valentines Day?

One of my friends used to use the question “what are you doing to take care of yourself right now?” as a small talk question. Truthfully, it was always a really hard question to answer and a really vulnerable one too. It did work to get me thinking, though. Every time she asked it was a reminder that no matter what was going on in your life, it is good to make time to take care of yourself. But here’s the key question: what does that mean?

I am a fan of ugly self-care. Don’t get me wrong, I have recently become a fan of a good warm bath, but I also think that taking a minute to lie face down on the floor also has its value.

Before I get ahead of myself, I want to warn you that this is the start of a collection of self-care activities that we can refer to on a bad (or good) day. This will not be the last installation of this series.

1. Take a bath. It is a classic, but I swear, I have only recently started to like baths. The thing that changed my mind? You can make the temperature whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be boiling hot. You don’t need to worry that you are burning the top layer of your skin when you first step in the tub. Additionally, the point of the bath does not need to be getting clean. You can shower, too. For the bath, grab a book or your phone and a glass of wine, light a candle, and just let nothing else matter.

2. Remember, nothing is all that important. Trust me, I am the queen of making mountains out of mole hills. I can actually feel my anxiety spike as I write this because I swear that every little work thing that gave me hives today was actually important. My boss has this saying, “what we do isn’t rocket science, and it isn’t brain surgery”, and by that she means that if we miss a deadline, drop the ball, or make a mistake, no one dies and we don’t lose the space race. It’s good to remember that sometimes. Unless you are a doctor—then maybe skip this one.

3. Unload the dishwasher. This one is a two-fer. I work from home about half of the week and sometimes I get so exhausted just staring at my computer. Oddly enough, changing from my computer screen to my phone screen doesn’t help that much, but doing a chore like unloading the dishwasher or the laundry machine works a little bit better. The other part is, if you do it when you don’t feel overwhelmed at how many chores you need to do, you are making it so that your future self has one less chore to deal with.

4. Take a shower in the middle of the day and change your clothes. While I love a good bath, a shower is my one true love. It is my reset button. You literally cannot be doing anything else while you are in the shower. It’s forcing you to be with your thoughts—or with the sound of the water on your skull. It is warm, and when you step out into a steamy room, somehow things feel a little more manageable. Then, you get to put on clean clothes, potentially change the vibe of the day and keep going.

Four is my lucky number, so I will leave it at that. Take care of yourselves and I will talk to you next week.

If you want to hear my thoughts between newsletters, follow me on Substack, where I post a couple of notes (kind of like tweets) a week.

Happy Valentines Day,

Zoe

Femme Futures Cooperative

The Femme Futures Cooperative is a community space for young professionals who identify as over-achievers and activists to generate collective success by providing resources and platforms to thrive in challenging workplaces.

By Zoe