Hi everyone,
My little sister and I have a habit of releasing these big sighs every once in a while. We have done it since before we can remember and it is so habitual that our dogs may have picked up on it and begun replicating it. I have done it at least four times since I started writing this note to you. For me, this sigh is air being sucked in through my nose, my chest rising and expanding, and then air going out through my nose accompanied by a whooshing sound.
In working through my stress and anxiety, I have come across more breathing techniques than I truly know what to do with. I am sure that you don’t need my non-credentialed self giving you any more. Who am I to let that stop me?
Before I go any further — lets do the housekeeping.
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Okay — back to it.
If last week was hard, this week was herculean.
The flow of my work is largely determined by the projects that I am working on—chiefly the six annual board meetings that I either manage or support. In academia boards generally meet once in the fall semester and once in the spring semester. With the way that the calendar works, that means that at least two of these meetings happen within a month of each other. As of this this week, I am in that month.
Now, despite this being my second year with this particular flow and my fourth year working in a project-based job, I get stressed every time. Like our last Friend in the From a Friend series, I care too much.
Caring is a good thing. Unfortunately, caring seems to go hand in hand with burn out, and her cousins, Anxiety and Depression.
I have tried a lot of things to decouple caring from burn out, but for right now, the thing that is working the best is just breathing.
A lot of the stress that I have been dealing with has been interpersonal. Because it is about my relationship with people, it is something that has no clear fix and has the unique ability to linger in the back of my mind and mix with my anxieties. In talking to a friend today, I expressed that I was just tired of this particular issue taking up so much of my brain-space when I have other things in my life that need it more. Dealing with people has the special ability to do that.
When I notice myself feeling that I might actually start steaming from the ears, I call in the cavalry: my breathing techniques.
Technique One: I have heard this one called box breathing, though personally, I associate it with yoga classes.
This one requires some focus, so hone in on your breath. As you breath in, count to four — slowly. Hold it for four, and exhale it all out. Your exhale will probably last more than a four count and that is okay. Do this at least four times.
Technique Two: This one comes from a couple of podcasts, one of which is my go-to bedtime podcast and the other is one that my boyfriend insisted I listen to earlier this week. (Yes, I am stressed enough that my boyfriend is suggesting science backed breathing practices.)
Breathe in through your nose as much as you can. Take a quick additional inhale to really max out your capacity. Hold it for a couple of seconds. Breath it all out. Repeat one time.
Technique Three: This is the most basic mindfulness that I know.
Close your eyes and place one hand on your chest and one hand on your tummy. Feel the weight and heat of your hand through your shirt. Breathe in and notice how your hands are pushed by the expansion of your body as it makes room for your breath. Breathe out and notice how your hands come back in to your center. Do this for as long as you can keep focused on the feeling of your hands moving and your breath coming and going.
I suck at keeping myself calm. I care too much and honestly believe that everything matters more than it really does.
I have tried beta-blockers. I have tried cold plunges. I have tried fresh air. Sometimes those things work, and sometimes they don’t. These days, coming back to my breath has helped almost every time.
There will inevitably be stressful periods and easier periods. There will always be your breath.
Happy Friday, friends and don’t forget to breathe!
Best,
Zoe
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