Guilt Flows
Updates
Classes and work have both started again. Excited to focus this semester on the topics of both qualitative and quantitative research and intelligent interface systems (AI). People in my friend group further along in the program are starting to focus on their portfolios and apply for internships or jobs. Although I'm personally not at this point quite yet, I've gotten a sort of contact high of priority for my own portfolio.
Guilt Flows
Though I haven't been many places in the world yet, I've been known to take myself on many guilt trips. This guilt can arise from something as simple as not doing the things we want to for a temporary period of time. In my case, I'm currently in grad school full-time, a member of a student organization, working part-time, and working on a group project outside of school. All of this is temporary, like matter of months temporary. Can I cut myself some slack while I'm busier than I was when I was just working full-time? Not only is there management of time, but management of energy as well. There exists a fear that cutting myself slack starts out innocently, but then over time grows into a more fearsome obstacle to overcome when my schedule returns to a more natural equilibrium.
What's the antidote? Doing what we can when we can? Forcing ourselves to make progress on our side projects, hobbies, etc.? It feels like this isn't the best we can do. Non-coercion may be one possible solution. What is non-coercion? "Don't make yourself do things with threats, force, punishment, criticism or through fear of catastrophe." (See Mrs C's Twitter thread). She describes the subtlety of following these trains of thought:
Starting things that feel right and good
Continuing things that feel right and good
Stopping when it feels wrong
Not starting if it feels wrong
Coercing ourselves every time we say we "should" do something is an example of something we're trying to avoid. Naturally, there are many things we "should" do and must do to survive in the adult world. Making ourselves feel negatively about not working on more things when you have a lot of work already is not one of these things.
Perhaps if I start treating my hobbies/other projects as things I get to do in my downtime rather than just another thing on my to-do list, I can reframe the space these activities occupy in my mind and I can naturally drift to them rather than having to force myself to do something I truly do want to make progress on.
Take a page out of Neil Gaiman's book (not literally), to be more specific, his interview with Tim Ferris. When you have down time, you either do the thing you want to do, or do nothing. When Neil goes to his little cabin to write, he can do two things there, either write or do nothing at all. This may sound severe, but in reality we're so used to never being truly bored, that we never get the chance to drift naturally to our desired activities, which is why we end up having to make an appointment in our calendar just to knit or learn a new song on the piano.
To be frank, just writing this newsletter this month is an accomplishment enough for me, and it'll have to do for my "writing practice" for now. I'll be attempting some of the aforementioned techniques to try to crawl my way to being less difficult on myself and giving myself the space I need to come to the things I want to do. And sometimes, you do just need to relax. Watch a movie, get lost in a YouTube rabbit-hole, or scroll a bit on your preferred social media app (just not too much). Don't expect to be "productive" all the time, but also don't lose control of your time on the things you don't want/need to do. A life of only work is unfulfilled, but a life of just pleasure and cheap dopamine rushes is just as empty.
Interesting Things
I came across this painting by the Cuban artist Reynier Llanes Márquez called The Poet. It's stunning both in concept and technique, both narrative and symbolic. He's apparently an art collector in his own right, and is one of Cuba's most bold and imaginative painters of today. Check out his other work.
As always, if you've got ideas, suggestions, or feedback, feel free to reply to this email or reach out on Twitter.
Until next time,
Z