getting closer
bodies
This weekend I was at a bar with my boxing coaches and we were talking about something, I don't remember what, there had been a lot of wine, and W. grabbed my wrist and asked, "You want to feel something fucked up?"
"Probably," I said.
He pulled my fingers to the shell of his ear, which is thick and misshapen: cauliflowered. I'd never noticed it particularly, even though I know to look for it in men who fight. "Fucked up," I agreed.
He touched my ear. "These are hard," he said. "You have hard ears, you'll probably be fine."
"What the hell does a soft ear feel like?"
"B.! B., come here," and B. bent down and I felt his ears, and then K.'s. Men find such strange ways towards intimacy with one another. I like getting to know what they are.
& minds
In other news, I read less than usual this year. I know this because I keep track of the books I finish in the back of my planner. (Yes, I still carry a physical day planner.) You know why, mostly, the same reasons almost no one read as much this year, the same reasons I've had two conversations in two days where a friend has confessed "I'm not writing" and I've said "oh, that's because no one is."
Some of my friends did publish books this year, though, and they were sharp and funny (Doree Shafrir's STARTUP, Maurene Goo's I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE), or sometimes just sharp (Angelica Baker's OUR LITTLE RACKET). They were fucking heartbreaking (Brandy Colbert's LITTLE & LION, Robin Benway's National Book Award-Winning!!!!!! FAR FROM THE TREE, Rachel Khong's GOODBYE, VITAMIN).
I read a lot of good, weird fantasy and sci-fi this year. I did Ann Leckie's ANCILLARY JUSTICE series last year and PROVIDENCE this year, and she and N.K. Jemisin both are writing imaginative, queer, inquiring speculative fiction that does their genres justice. Kristin Cashore's JANE, UNLIMITED is simultaneously whip-smart and perfectly cozy and I wish to live in it forever. For straight up fantasy, Kat Howard's two books will do you nicely. Recommended reading if it still rains where you live.
I read more non-fiction than usual: Alana Massey's ALL THE LIVES I WANT, Lauren Elkin's FLANEUSE and Adrian Shirk's AND YOUR DAUGHTERS SHALL PROPHESY, all of which I wrote about. Chelsea Martin's CACA DOLCE and Scaachi Koul's ONE DAY WE'LL ALL BE DEAD AND NONE OF THIS WILL MATTER, which I pitched essays about relentlessly to no avail.
I read some straight-up old fashioned novels and loved them: Julie Buntin's MARLENA (also the subject of an essay) and Emma Rathbone's LOSING IT and Eve Babitz' SEX AND RAGE. I read one graphic novel but it was Tillie Walden's SPINNING, so I feel perfectly sated on that front.
If you're starting to look forward to next year, to think that next year we might be used to this enough to reclaim some of our focus and attention, some little bit of our inwardness, I would recommend keeping an eye out for Britta Lundin's SHIP IT, Lianne Oelke's NICE TRY, JANE SINNER, and Melissa Albert's THE HAZEL WOOD, which are young adult novels, and Meaghan O'Connell's AND NOW WE HAVE EVERYTHING, which is gorgeous non-fiction about trying to figure out what it means to be like, an actual adult.
& news
My book is on another list: Vulture's Top 10 YA Novels of 2017. Cool, right?
Also I'll send a Tinyletter next week with my fav pieces I've published this year but if you're looking to catch up before then, you can always find everything I've written on my website.