When I started writing a book about a woman falling in love on vacation, I myself had not been on one in years. I had been on plenty of trips: seen friends and family, attended weddings, met babies, etc. But I was always traveling with a purpose other than my own pleasure. And I was also always traveling with the sense that it was something I could not really, one way and the other, afford to be doing.

Freelancing is a great way to formalize your relationship to the notion that nothing is ever enough. Often even when I was overwhelmed by work I was still stressed out about money; on the rare occasions that the money got right I would just start peering over the horizon, wondering how long it could possibly stay right for. It never felt like there was excuse not to be writing, or pitching, or watching or reading or thinking up a new idea that might eventually become, you know, something. Certainly no reason to say no to any offer that came my way. I think the word for how I felt, most of the time, was hurried. Incapable of or at least unwilling to loosen my grip on productivity, on the next, next, next thing.

I am burned out on the burnout conversation so we don’t need to have it here. And I’m not sure that’s what happened, exactly, either. It’s more like I ran out slowly, emptying and emptying, like a tank of gas or a cup of water. There was just only so much there. I spilled it out until I ran dry.

Technically, I am on vacation now. Have been for months. I turned in grades and comments the first week of June; I don’t have to be back on campus for orientation until next week. Of course, there has still been work to do: first semester’s books to read, lessons to plan. A couple of college recommendations to write. I have spent a lot of this summer trying to fight the sensation that a deadline is still and always bearing down on me. That the new job just means new ways to run out of time.

What I have not done: started a new writing project. Worked on my old writing project. Convinced myself that this is a necessary break and not a sign that I will never write again.

So instead of words, here is a window into some of the places I have been:

Probably the wrong place to put this information, but if you want to hear me talk about the book I have already written, VACATION SELF is out 8/24! I will be discussing it in person all over California. You can find me at:

Skylight Books in LA on Wednesday, August 26th at 7:00 pm

Godmothers Books in Summerland on Saturday, August 29th at 6:00 pm

at Meet Cute Books in La Mesa on Sunday, September 6th at 6:30 pm

+ Bay Area friends, save the date! I will be in your environs 10/16 and 17 to do a couple of events, details coming soon…