Opening Lips & Facing the Darkness
Wow, it's been a minute or several since my last email. Winter has been quiet and reflective and heavy, but I'm still here. Chanukah was beautiful and quiet and lovely, I finished some shabbat-inspired artwork, I went to visit my grandmother's grave on her yahrzeit amid a beautiful day of timely fog, I took a moment to remind us all that trans people are divine, and as my kiddo's winter break ended I was so glad to see Torah Studio classes begin again.
Here are my sparse notes from this week's class on Psalm 51:
I don't know that I had ever thought about this line in terms of a concept I've heard often in recovery spaces, that sometimes praying for willingness to be willing comes before anything else. Naming it in order to begin taming it. Say the thing in order to be seen and feel held within whatever is happening for us. I can think of so many instances when just naming what is happening/what happened is such a powerful place to start... depression, trauma, starting the process of amends, addressing any needed change. This line has whole new layers of meaning for me now.
And this is the culmination of two week's of art-making based on last week's parsha and this week (Parshat Bo):
I started this last week as a visual representation of the hardened heart as the hail that held flame, and then this line from this week’s parsha and the tangible darkness brought it all together.
Thinking about a heavy, oppressive darkness felt in the presence of hardened hearts feels so relatable right now. I thought a lot last week about hardening a heart in power because those responsible for change are the community, a public being tasked with immense change in spite of power, and that we as community are in so many ways struggling with and often failing at that task just as much as those who did during the exodus.
Wishing you all the kind of shabbat you need this week, whether it's restful, playful, contemplative, or some other vibe entirely. You deserve it.
Shabbat shalom, or if you're catching this after, shavua tov.
Yaakov