Skating on the River - Lily Frost
Do you listen to songs on repeat? Not just once or twice, but for hours? I don’t do this very often, but I did a marathon of Skating on the River in December… 2006, I think? I was nursing a massive crush on a friend and “skating on the river, your hand in mine” seeked a very romantic prospect. It’s possible I did actually hold hands with this person while skating along a scenic path through the woods. You’d think I’d remember one way or another, but she was a much better skater than me (she played hockey, this newsletter is CanCon) and any hand-holding would have been easy to interpret as friendly stabilization rather than flirting.
This is a challenge I’ve often encountered when trying to flirt with girls: how do I indicate romantic interest, short of directly propositioning someone? Friends can cuddle, hold hands, and tell each other they’re beautiful. Some friends even call each other girlfriends. You would think kissing would be unambiguous, but I present as counter-evidence a conversation with one of my first year roommates:
Her: … so then she said she thought I was a lesbian, isn’t that crazy?
Me: That is surprising.
Her: Though… I guess the last three times she saw me at the bar I was making out with a girl.
I’m pretty sure she identified as straight, and all power to her, but I found this conversation very confusing!
While I know fewer people who are making out with random girls in bars than I did in my teens, similar confusions remain. My girlfriend and I failed to start properly dating for years because we weren’t sure the other person was romantically interested. We had gone on dates and kissed each other. You might think these would be obvious, unambiguous signals of romantic interest, but if so I recommend imbibing more lesbian dating memes (example: “she laughed when I said I had a crush on her bc she thought this was like our fifth date”).
I feel I should note that I experience the reverse problem if I am trying to avoid flirting with a boy. What if I think someone is great and I want to hang out with him a lot, but have no interest in dating? How do I send signals of just-friendly interest? I am probably overthinking all this and should just learn how to talk to people more directly about my feelings.
Contemplating thoughts of you and I,
- Tessa