Fear and Loathing in San Diego Comic Con pt.1
If Wicked can be in two parts, so can this.
Fear comes in many forms. Back when I was the budding keyboardist for a band of the most unknown unknowns, every show we played was a battle to overcome the shallowest fear of all: Stage Fright.
Weezer could never.
Regardless of the stage (office, classroom, or karaoke night at the bar) there is no other fear where you are the star of the show and yet rather than elation, you are filled with absolute dread. Whether it’s the fear of messing up or becoming a cringe disappointment, you can’t separate the narcissism it takes to be fearful of your own success. Put me in a cage with a bear or a tiger, that'll really give me something to worry about!
The all-seeing eye of San Diego Comic Con.
Last weekend, my body was in attendance at San Diego Comic Con 2025, my head, unfortunately , was somewhere else entirely. It was my first time at a convention of this magnitude, I was invited to co-host a panel by my friend and fellow cartoonist, Sam Julian and, in addition, invited for a guest signing at the Silver Sprocket table. I wish I could say I was able to enjoy my time walking around the convention (don’t get me wrong, I had fun meeting friends, taking photos with cosplayers, etc) but all weekend leading up to my events, all I could think of was my own relevance as an artist.
The average San Diego Comic Con attendee.
Maybe to the surprise of the (...27...28...) 29 of you who have subscribed to me (thank you), I am not well known. Normally this wouldn’t matter, but seeing that I was to appear at two events (the signing, then the panel), an irrational fear came to mind: how would I feel if no one showed up to these things on Sunday?
The thought wasn’t that unreasonable. My big book wouldn’t come out for another two months, so folks only really knew me for Puppy Knight: Den of Deception. As for our panel, Sam was our most notable player, having been nominated for the Russ Manning award this year (well deserved). Even so, we wondered if his workshop “How to Draw an Octopus” would be too niche. We printed 50 bookmarks to give away at the end, “that should cover it”, we figured.
Congrats again on the nom' Sam!
Sam told me to walk the floor of the convention the day before so it wouldn’t be such a surprise the day I was going to play my part. Smart advice, horrible outcome.
I won’t name names (I’ve learned that you could be shoulder to shoulder to anyone in the industry at these things), but I was surprised to see so many influential figures, with absolutely no traffic to their tables. Artists that inspired my own foray into comics, comedians I’ve watched on television since I was a kid, all sitting at their stations being avoided like the L. Ron Hubbard Scientology guys at booth #1222.
It did not feel great. Was this the fate that awaited my comics career? I tell myself that I am focused on my art, but really I make comics because I am trying to reach to people. Making stories is how I communicate and if no one is there on the other end of the line, then what am I doing here?
[To Be Continued...]
Who am I? What am I??
This is part one of a two-part recap of my first time at San Diego Comic Con. Thank you again for signing up to receive Transmissions from Hi8tus Space and thank you to my wife Kathryn Gonzalez for the photos used here.
You can find more of her photography [here].
yours, mine, ours,
Josue Cruz
[[TRANSMISSION END]]
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