July 22, 2023

WWC Day 3: My questions

My perennial questions about soccer/football for which I’ve never gotten any answers:

1. What language is the match official using when they scold players, give them warnings, tell the goalie to stay on their line for penalties, and so on? Sure, sometimes it’s obvious. When Panama met México in the CONCACAF Gold Cup Final last week, and Honduran official Said Martinez held the whistle, it was probably Spanish. But when the USA played Vietnam and the ref was Moroccan, is it English? That would seem unfair. Like, even if they have all the FIFA refs required to speak one language, and all the players magically got free tutoring in that language, it seems an unfair advantage to the players who speak it as their first language. Just one less barrier than those who are also actively translating while they do everything else.

2. What is the gum that the players are chewing? Beyond being convinced they’re going to accidentally choke on it, or bite their tongue, what is this magical gum that holds its flavor and doesn’t get really hard after 45 minutes? I can't seem to buy gum that lasts 10 minutes. Or is it not magical, and they swap their Wrigley's Juicy Fruit out every time they grab some water on the touchline?

3. How do they sleep at night? I don't mean this in the moralizing way, but quite literally. I was tossing and turning all night on Wednesday before the kickoff, and I’m just some tired, mid-30s fan who is excited to watch another Women’s World Cup. And I didn’t sleep at all the night before I started my new job and it’s a nothingburger compared to “the night before I play some of the most important soccer/football of my life”. I’m sure some of the big teams have some really well-researched solutions for this, but the teams that had to crowdfund their way to Australia? Do they just take some Ambien and hope it doesn’t throw them off the next day?

4. The flashing advertisements displays around the pitch distract me. How do they not distract the players? Is this why they are pros, and I am sitting on my couch?

5. What do the arms mean before players take free kicks/corners? One arm up, both arms up, etc. I assume the gesture indicates the particular play or where they’ll target the shot. But those can’t be very secret, right? With the amount of opposition research, they surely know what all the signals mean. Do they? Or is it not even really worth it?

6. What does that magic injury spray feel like? How much does it cost and can you buy it for a civilian who is accident-prone or is it only for elite sports stars?

7. When I played soccer¹ everyone wore high socks and shin guards, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. In the game I’m watching as I type, about two-thirds of the players have full knee-highs. Of the remainder, some have crew height socks, and a few have something closer to ankle-height. Then there's my favorite player, Ohio's own Rose Lavelle, with her socks halfway up her thighs. I assume some of this is personal preference? It does seem a little position-related (forwards always seem to have the higher socks). But like, no shin guards feels…wild to me? Maybe soccer players are just built different.

8. All these players are competitive. But certainly some of these players come in understanding they won’t win the cup, right? So what’s the mentality there? What do you tell yourself and your team?

9. So, there are multiple couples and exes amongst these players. What is it like to play a World Cup match with your girlfriend? Against your girlfriend? Against your EX-girlfriend?? Please, Kristie Mewis, if you somehow read this, I must know.