[difficult people] - 8. Overcoming Gaslighting: Strategies for Empowerment and Recovery
Dealing with Difficult People
##Conflict: Dealing with Gaslighting
Last newsletter we talked about how to recognise gaslighting in the workplace; now we move on to talking about dealing with it.
Reading an account of someone experiencing gaslighting at work, I'm reminded again of the impact of words spoken versus tone of voice used. This can allow the gaslighter to deliver a destabilising message to their gaslight-ee, and then claim they have been misunderstood.
Once you have taken adequate steps to ensure your mental health is preserved (which may require regular sessions with a counselor, psychologist or other mental health professional), the next step is to restore your sense of reality.
This may involve documenting everything; keeping detailed notes on conversations and incidents as close to the time they occur as possible. Include details of any witnesses who might be able to help you in documenting them. A habit of summarising meetings via email (eg “Thanks for your time this morning. As we discussed…” and a set of bullet points) can help here.
The next step is to seek external validation, most likely with trusted coworkers, who can provide you with an external perspective, and hopefully be able to confirm your understanding of events.
Beyond that, you would want to grow your network of potential supporters by connecting with new people outside of your immediate workplace.
Instead of heading back into conversation with the gaslighter without any preparation, now is the time to start thinking through how you might adjust your communication style so that you're providing some boundaries, in a respectful way, to the interactions you're having.
If you're going through this in a workplace for an extended period, you will benefit from educating yourself further as to the nature of gaslighting itself (beyond reading a couple of newsletters), to make it easier to identify, and provide more structures for preserving your own sense of reality while pushing back on negative behaviours.
In addition to the mental health professional you are seeing, creating time for constructive activities that preserve your well-being. Walking in nature, mindfulness practices, other types of exercise, hobbies can all help.
Knowing that your gaslighter may increase their behaviour before they give up can help you pace your response, and be prepared for a longer battle - especially if you have only introduced protective behaviours after many negative interactions.
If your performance at work is suffering due to gaslighting, you may benefit from enlisting HR or a mentor to help you navigate the way forward.
Lastly, if it's not possible to fix the relationship, it may be time to find a new work environment (perhaps even an entirely new job). This may seem costly in the short-term, but is it possible to place a price on good mental health? Once you have entered a new place of work, you may want to step into some challenging new activities to help you build up your confidence in the new workplace.