dealing with difficult people

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February 9, 2025

[difficult people] - 14. Workplace Issues: When to call HR or Family

Dealing with Difficult People

As we enter the final phase of this series on dealing with difficult people in the workplace, I wanted to let you know the thinking behind a change in approach.

After a couple of sessions on AI as a writing collaborator, I've used a different AI (https://claude.ai) to help make something more engaging to read - instead of a lot of bullet points, some narrative and then some takeaways.

This experiment has led to a change in format: presenting workplace challenges through relatable stories while maintaining the practical, actionable advice I’ve tried to deliver. I’m hoping that the stories help make the content more concrete.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this evolved format. Has the storytelling approach made the ideas more relatable? Do the narrative examples help you better connect with the strategies we're discussing?

Communication: Seeking Support from HR / from Family

Walking the Line: When to Involve HR and When to Call Home

Mark stared at his phone, thumb hovering over his sister's number. The situation with his new team lead had been weighing on him for weeks. Claire's management style was intensely different from his previous supervisor – where Janet had been collaborative, Claire was directive. Where Janet had welcomed discussion, Claire seemed to take questions as challenges to her authority.

That morning's team meeting had left Mark particularly unsettled. Claire had dismissed his concerns about project timelines in front of the team, suggesting he "wasn't being a team player." It wasn't the first time she'd made such comments, and Mark could feel his anxiety building. His sister, a manager at another company, had always given him good advice about relationships in the workplace.

But as he sat there, Mark realised this situation needed more than family support. Claire's behaviour wasn't just making him uncomfortable – it was affecting his team's ability to raise legitimate project concerns. Other team members had started holding back their opinions in meetings, and two critical deadlines had been missed because no one felt they could push back on unrealistic timelines.

Mark thought about his last three conversations with Claire. He'd tried scheduling one-on-one meetings to discuss his concerns, but she'd either rescheduled or kept them so brief there wasn't time for real dialogue. He had emails documenting these attempts at communication, along with notes from team meetings where similar patterns played out.

That evening, Mark did make two calls – first to his sister, then to HR. With his sister, he processed his feelings about the situation - he finished the call feeling emotionally supported. With HR, he shared the documented pattern of behaviour and its impact on team performance. The difference in these conversations was crucial: his sister helped him manage his stress and validate his concerns, while HR provided the professional framework to address the underlying workplace issues.

When to Involve HR

  1. When the issue affects work performance

    • Documented impact on deliverables

    • Pattern of communication breakdowns

    • Team dynamics being compromised

  2. After attempting direct resolution

    • Keep records of communication attempts

    • Document specific instances

    • Note responses (or lack of responses)

  3. When company policies are involved

    • Review your employee handbook

    • Understand reporting procedures

    • Know your rights and responsibilities

  4. If you observe broader impact

    • Effects on team morale

    • Risks to project success

    • Potential company liability

When to Lean on Family and Friends

  1. For emotional support

    • Processing feelings

    • Reducing stress

    • Getting perspective

  2. For general career advice

    • Long-term career planning

    • Professional development

    • Work-life balance

  3. When you need a sounding board

    • Practicing difficult conversations

    • Building confidence

    • Developing strategies

Questions for Reflection:

  • Are you clear on the distinction between personal support and professional intervention?

  • Have you documented patterns that concern you?

  • What steps have you taken to address issues directly?

  • How is the situation affecting your work performance and well-being?

Remember: HR exists to maintain a productive, professional workplace (and protect the employer). Family and friends provide the emotional support system to help you navigate challenges. Understanding when to leverage each resource is key to ensuring you are well supported through difficult situations.

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