[difficult people] - 12. EQ: Emotional Intelligence for Conflict Resolution
Dealing with Difficult People
Conflict: Building Emotional Intelligence
The level of emotional intelligence (EI / EQ) you’re able to bring to an interaction with a difficult person, especially when tensions are high, will have a large impact on the success of that interaction.
Here are some areas to work on in increasing your own emotional intelligence.
1) Develop Self-awareness
- be in the habit, after an interaction, of reflecting on your emotional state through the interaction and what difference that made; you may well identify new steps or insights from that reflection.
- seek feedback form people around you who you trust as to how you handle conflict situations in particular and emotional situations in general; this will help you work out your strength areas in this space, and what you need to improve.
2) Practice Self-regulation:
- you might like to try something as simple as pausing to take a deep breath before responding to a question: this can give you a chance to regroup before adding to the conversation.
- developing coping strategies when you’re still in a calm situation can help; this could be a mindfulness exercise, a walk, even prayer.
3) Enhance Social Awareness
- make a deliberate effort to understand both the perspectives and the feelings of others, especially those with whom you disagree. Try to understand their viewpoint, and even acknowledge the situation they find themselves in.
- observe non-verbal cues; look at body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal signs: practice when the situation is calm, so you have this skill to draw on when a stressful situation arises.
4) Improve relationship management
- practice communication that is clear, respectful, and assertive. Find the balance between being direct, and being considerate of the range of views you encounter.
- practice active listening: not just listening so you can present your next thought, but to understand - even if you need to ask clarifying questions - so that you’re able to explain the view of the person you are in conflict with.
5) Seek Understanding, Not Victory
- look to understand the needs and concerns of all parties in a disagreement. This will allow you to find positive outcomes and improve relationships. Avoiding the immediate win for the sake of the longer term is good practice in regulating your own emotional response.
- in a conflict situation, remind yourself it’s an opportunity to grow. Take the time to reflect after a conflict and you can learn from each one and be better the next time.
6) Build Positive Relationships
- by exhibiting consistency in your words and actions, and treating everyone in a conflict situation with respect, you can end up with better relationships, which will lead to fewer (or at least less severe) conflicts in the long run.
- if you can encourage an environment where people are comfortable sharing not just their ideas, but their thoughts and feelings, then you can increase the depth of relationship, which will limit the grounds for misunderstandings that lead to conflict.
7) Engage in Continuous Learning
- if you want to keep building your emotional intelligence, continue to read books, attend workshops, and participate in training on EQ and conflict resolution. This can introduce new strategies and perspectives to you.
- you may also want to find a mentor who has high EQ, who can help you with some guidance, feedback on workplace conflicts, and increasing your emotional intelligence.
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Improving your EQ is not a one-off event; it’s a continuous process. Regular commitment and practice is needed.
But as you continue to develop your emotional intelligence, your ability to navigate workplace conflicts with better results, leading to better relationships and outcomes.
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