[difficult people] - 11. Being an Ally: Supporting Colleagues Through Conflict
Dealing with Difficult People
Conflict: Supporting People Through Conflict
If there’s a workplace conflict, it seems vanishingly likely that you will be the only person impacted. How can you support others colleagues who are going through the same kind of challenges from a difficult person or people (asssuming you have the capacity in the midst of your own conflict)?
You need to continue to have the empathy and listening to provide support, the fortitude to take action, and the strategic skill to make your support count. Here are a few considerations:
1) Listen to the person and validate their experience: offer emotional support
Listen carefully, give them your full attention, and don’t jump straight into the solution - you’re aiming to be supportive to the person, not to resolve all the issues in the first conversation. Make sure you take the time to acknowledge both their feelings and the difficulty of the situation they’re in.
Showing them empathy in this way can help them be cope with the difficulty of the situation. Don’t forget to check back in from time to time - some of these situations can last for years!
2) Provide practical assistance
Depending on the situation, different forms of assistance can help; managing workload, offering advice, helping to brainstorm solutions. Let them know about workplace resources (HR policies, employee assistance programs, conflict solutions services that might help).
Remember to maintain confidentiality, unless your colleague has asked for help bringing the issue to other people, or there’s an issue of safety that needs to be addressed.
3) Advocate and Speak Up
If you witness inappropriate behaviour, of a pattern of difficulty that affects your colleague, think about speaking up in the moment (if safe) or offering to back them up if they choose to report the issue.
If the situation violates workplace policies or creates a toxic environment, encourage your colleague to keep a diary of the different incidents, and consider reporting them to a manager or to HR. Offer them support in getting through the process.
4) Educate Yourself
Learn about conflict resolution - having a range of strategies can help in difficult situations, and to provide support. The more you understand - including about diversity and inclusion issues - the better the quality of support you’re able to provide. Recommend workshops yourself, or seek out options for them.
5) Be part of a Positive Environment
Continue to work on the way you turn up in the workplace, being respectful and constructive in the way you communicate. Setting a positive example can have an impact on workplace culture. When you have the opportunity to impact the culture of your team, look for activities that can foster collaboration and understanding, helping the whole team improve their conflict resolution skills.
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To be a great ally doesn’t mean taking on another person’s battle, but rather providing them with support, resources, and the encouragement they need to be able to navigate conflicts (and resolve them). Your role is to empower people and contribute to a positive workplace culture, where everyone can feel supported and valued.