[difficult people] - 1. Introduction to managing difficult people
Dealing with Difficult People
We are back with a new series of newsletters. This time, we will be thinking through how we can deal with difficult people in the workplace.
Here is a starting point for topics to cover: Have I missed anything? What are you most curious about from this list?
Hit reply and let me know.
This introduction
Types of People: Easy to Get Along With / Average / Difficult
Empathy and Understanding
Dealing with Gossip
Unreliable People
Dealing with Emotionally Draining People
Conflict: Recognizing Gaslighting
Conflict: Dealing with Gaslighting
Conflict: Dealing Where There Is a Power Imbalance
Conflict: Conflict Resolution Skills
Conflict: Supporting People Through Conflict
Conflict: Building Emotional Intelligence
Communication: Documentation
Communication: Seeking Support from HR / from Family
Communication: Skills in Communication
Dealing with Stress
Self-Care in Dealing with Difficult People
Being Flexible and Adaptable
Managing Up
Setting Mutual Expectations
Some people we work with will end up being our life-long friends - you will still see them on a regular basis outside of the workplace. Some people we work with can be easy to get along with, but once we change jobs, the opportunity to interact goes away, and we find out they were (as Carey Nieuwhof says) "deal friends" not "real friends" - they were colleagues who you had a friendly relationship with, but the relationship was organised around the shared workplace situation.
Others, though, will be difficult in some way. Perhaps we will find it hard to communicate with them, perhaps we will have issues in holding them account to the work they have agreed to complete, perhaps they will be active in sabotaging you, either directly or indirectly.
These people may be downstream from you, they may be your direct reports, you may be at the same level, they may be your line manager, or they may be higher up in the organisational chart. This power differential will make a difference for what steps you might take in resolving any difficulties.
Further, even in those relationships where you are having difficulty, not everyone is always difficult to work with. Relationships in the workplace are complicated, and variable. And the stakes are high - eventually, if the issues continue, it can make a work situation untenable.
Conversely, being able to resolve these kinds of situations can make the workplace better for everyone involved, including the person with whom you have a difficult relationship.
And throughout, it's worth checking, in the spirit of the Johari window, to what extent am I at fault in causing this situation.
Looking forward to thinking this through with you.
As ever, hit reply if you have any thoughts to share.