Holiday Shopping at an Infamous Ohio Dollar Store
All right, let’s get the most important detail out of the way first: I went to the Evil Stick store.
This place caused a minor kerfuffle when it was the subject of a decade-old Reddit post. “Evil Stick” is the sort of off-brand toy that shouldn’t exist, its construction and very purpose alien to this world. Any place that would stock a toy like this one feels like it would be a fly-by-night operation, so it was astonishing to find this store not only still standing but in nearly the exact same condition as it was in 2014. The only real change seems to be the huge signs in the window advertising vapes and Kratom, a precursor to Ohio’s changeover to legal weed. I can never resist going into odd stores while on holiday, especially ones that seemed to have dropped out of the past or alternate dimensions. How could I pass up the home of the single most disturbing kids’ toy this side of the Cabbage Patch?
Over Thanksgiving I began my holiday shopping in Ohio, stopping in one of the few places where a twenty will get you a full bag of weirdness. (Five Below, I love you, but you could never.) What did I see when I first walked in?
Oh hell yeah, it’s an otaku jackpot! My anime sweet spot lays somewhere between Gumsmith Cats and Irresponsible Captain Tylor, but if you’re anywhere between me and Dave@For Megadrivers Custom you’re going to find some kind of Funko for you on this wall. (Did you know the X is silent in HunterXHunter? It reminds me of some of my favorite bands, like TheXBeatles and SqueXeze.) I know very little about Naruto, but it looks like most of the major characters are represented. Hey, let’s turn our heads slightly to see what other anime-inspired delights are in here!
Oh. Yes, this place was also a massive head shop. If it was any more Head it would have spelled the end of The Monkees’ career for decades. It’s always important to document your finds as you travel through them, because it’s only now that I see the innumerable Rick Sanchez glassware on the top shelf. It’s the modern-day equivalent of Calvin peeing on a thing. Not a bad deal for a half-baked Back to the Future parody.
Speaking of the past:
No I did not buy it but yes it was for sale. Ten bucks, which I believe is more than its retail price during the 2004 holiday season. If it was part of a larger section of unwanted future Scott the Woz profiles of video games I would understand, but it was the only piece of software in the store.
This One Dollar and Plus establishment was filled with the kind of useful stuff you tend to find in its best configurations in discount shops; we grabbed several boxes of nails that would have cost four times as much at a Lowe’s and been more difficult to find. But my focus was on the toys, and more specifically finding an Evil Stick for myself. I came up dry there, but why get an evil stick when you can find My Little Horse?
Sixteen bucks. I’m sure there’s a completionist brony who absolutely needs this set.
I limited myself to only pieces I could pick up for a dollar, and boy did the selection not disappoint. Here are a few of the absolute treasures I found among the knockoff pop guns and “fashion doll” Barbie ripoffs using the same blow molds that Larami employed in the late 70s.
ULTRAMAN PUZZLE
“Where’s Ul-TRA-man? I’m Ul-TRA-man!” We’ve talked before about how I am fully ensconced in my love for Ultraman, but even at eight years old where I was taking the family camcorder to make my magnum opus Ultraman vs. The Dummy Guy I don’t know if I would have had much use for this. Three different Ultramen! None of the ones everyone knows to be Ultraman! These seem to be slapped on here at random, because the classic design and maybe Red King or Guigass would be the most normal things to have on here.
You know it’s well designed when the choking hazard warning is printed in a way that it becomes part of the puzzle. Still, they got my dollar. I guess they knew at least one fan of Ultraman Max would eventually visit this specific store in Dayton.
DRAGON!
Dragon.
AIRCRAFT WARRIOR
Do you love aircraft and also warriors? Too bad!
Hang on a second, I think those are Megaranger! ENHANCE—
That’s close enough for government work! 1997’s own Super Sentai but Make It the Internet and Also The Last Starfighter gets a brutal knockoff makeover here. Sporting a whopping two points of articulation per figure and a pastiche of the Megarangers that would have earned a D-Plus in seventh grade art class, these toys give you an equal measure of bafflement and uselessness. MegaGreen here can raise his arms in a way that signals “TOUCHDOWN!!!” or one-third of the Megaranger transform dance. Milliseconds of fun for the whole family. Let’s see how this is supposed to work…
…Sun Vulcan and the vehicles from a Universal-produced action show from 1974. I don’t know about you, but I’d very much accept an action figure set where Kevin Tighe climbs into a Megazord. MegaEmergency+4 is the intermediary step between Shogun Warriors and Fonz and the Happy Days Gang we never got.
There’s lots more to explore inside this store, so join us next time when there’s guns for everybody, stash boxes for MHA fans, and TRUCK.