Dear Friend,

Hey there, how’s it going?

In a recent dream, I was in a reunion potluck of sorts where I was in this millennial gray hotel suite, holding a plate of food and trying to find a seat. Around the corner, I saw seating next to my East Coast college buddy Kathy, and right when I was going to say hi, I noticed she was deep in conversation with my high school friend from back in the Bay Area. “I had no idea they’re friends! How is that possible when they’re from the opposite ends of the country? ”, I thought to myself. As they got up and hugged one another — again, this was all in a dream — I felt such shame for being closed-minded to never think of its possibility. I had so many questions for them, so many that I riled myself awake. I opened my eyes and it was 4:07 a.m.; these questions faded away over time, but that surprised feeling lingered on.

As reality on TV and outside our windows is increasingly maddening and lethal, positive change seems all but impossible. That dream reminded me of the possibility of ways beyond our immediate purview. In the year ahead, may we understand not only our own power to effect positive changes in our lives, but also the courage to keep dreaming for ways we can not yet imagine. Hope is a thing with feathers and never stops at all whether we see it or not.

Rest, Reset, Resist

I’m going to be honest here — there are days where I am simply not up for it. Days where I just want to hide/go back under the covers all day because doing anything else feels overwhelming if not risky, as if my bed is the only safe place on Earth and everywhere else is lava. These days can be caused by anything — news headlines, disappointing personal setbacks, heartbreaks, or even just a string of bad luck. Usually on these days I'm highly anxious and have this overall sense of dread — if you’ve played Final Fantasy or JRPG of any kind, it’s as if Doom is cast onto me where I’m still technically fine but there’s a countdown clock clearly weighing above my head.

I call these days my Self-Regulation days, and my top priority on these days isn’t to tackle the never-ending to-do list or to climb in any sense of the word. Instead, the day's focus is to take pause and feel the metaphorical ground beneath me in order to minimize this feeling of a complete free-fall.

At work, I’d move any immediate meetings and would instead book a small conference/phone room so I can just sit there to collect myself. This (ideally smallish) room is my safety blanket for the next fifteen or so minutes, and I’d use this time to reset: to meditate, to listen to any music — even sad music — and just write in my notebook. I’d brain dump any of my anxious, depressive, or distorted thoughts into this notebook to get them out of my head, and I’d also write down every little minuscule thing that I’ve managed to do so far that day: I made the bed, I brushed my teeth, I drove safely to work, I survived the previous meeting, I booked this room and created a safe space for myself. Look at that, these are five very real things I’ve accomplished even when I’m feeling my lowest.

If I’m already at home during one of these days, then this self-preserving practice gets even easier. I’d literally go back to bed (!) and/or maybe take a hot shower beforehand. But once I’m in bed, I’d put on music or play Animal Crossing — not to do major chores or build anything in the game, but just to appreciate this space away from the real world. I’d walk around the island to pick up weeds along the way, then I’d go to The Roost for a cup of joe, or visit the museum to stare at the fish, or hit some rocks if I’m up to go the extra mile. Besides playing Animal Crossing, I’d also try to read a book, but doing so would usually lead to me taking a nap a few pages later, which is also fine.

These Self-Regulation days don't happen super often, but when they do (as it did a couple of times in January), they hit especially hard. On these days, I’d remember to give myself grace and to honor its importance to slow down — that I must put on the oxygen mask for myself before I can help anyone else. Failure to do so will only lead to me doing subpar work, being in the way of others, and causing more harm inadvertently.

People tend to think of me as this productivity-driven person running on infinite fuel, and at work some even think I’m an uplifting one at that, but when the current state of the world is as frightful as it is chaotic, it’s important for me to be honest with you (my dear friend) on how I cope and survive its abhorrent toll and effects. I've previously mentioned “while we can expend all our energy to push against a wall in an attempt to topple it over, we can also spend no energy in search of a door.” Now is the time to do both (as well as many other things not yet thought of), but we can't do anything or create any meaningful impact if we're not also being deeply honest with ourselves in terms of where we are today or how we can most effectively contribute to the world.

The Power Broker

Last year I met my goal to read 10+ books, most of them fiction. For 2026 I’m going to slow down my reading a little bit less but instead focus on this one gigantic, Pulitzer Prize-winning book called The Power Broker (Bookshop.org). Over 1,200 pages long (some say it’s more pages than all three Lord of the Rings books combined), it comes down to reading little more than three pages a day.

Before this book was published in 1974, little was known about Robert Moses outside of the fact that he built a lot of nice parks across New York State. (I certainly had no idea how he had single-handedly displaced hundreds of thousands of people of color in doing so.)

With only a couple of chapters in, I’m already seeing the parallels between the world in the early-to-mid 20th century and the one today: how votes were cast not because of the merit of the candidates (or, whelp, the benefit of society) but as a way to secure powerful jobs for their families, how there were idealists who wanted to reform the system but failed repeatedly because their success was defined solely on getting everything they wanted, and especially in how Robert Moses just did anything he wanted while disregarding public input time and time again, even though he himself was never elected to any public office.

It took me a while to make the connection to the double meaning of the title Power Broker — in that Robert Moses was both the one who brokered power as well as the person who broke the power structure in NY state government in getting anything and everything he wanted.

Thankfully, in this herculean effort to read this epic of a book, I will also get some motivation and help from the creator of the 99% Invisible podcast, who created a limited podcast series in 2024 dissecting this book — and helped form a book club and community along the way.

Of course, if this sounds good to you AND you want to join me in this journey, reply and let me know! I’m only at chapter 8 (so only 1 episode into the podcast). We can sync up on our reading progress and find time to nerd out on this book together!

• Breaking Down The Power Broker with Conan O'Brien - 99% Invisible

• Episode Discussion: Power Broker #01: Robert Caro

And here's the rest of it…

Thanks for reading this and being with me on this journey. Let me know what’s going on in your world and be sure to share something with me that’s been giving you life! (just reply to this email or DM me on Bluesky)! You can also check out past issues of Dear Friend, on my website.

Here’s the rest of it:

• The photos I took this month (access to 2025 photos will end tonight!)
• Interesting enough to share but not enough to write about:
  • The Vegetables 99% of American Farms Refuse to Grow
  • $6 Michelin Stock in 60 Minutes (Costco Hack)
  • If you’re feeling scared and overwhelmed, please watch this Stoic advice
  • It’s deeper than doomscrolling
• I’m on Bluesky, follow me there!

Love wins