Dear Friend,

Hey there, how’s it going?

I’ve been feeling pretty lethargic and low energy ever since my Thailand trip last month. My reading habit has come to a halt, and I very nearly broke my weekly running routine as well. There’s no specific reason for me to feel this way, just this persisting feeling of “why does any of this matter” that’s weighed on me for much of November.

Over this past month, I’ve re-examined my daily habits to see where I can shake things up a bit. In doing so, I noticed how often I tend to “let’s do this thing now so I can rest later.” From finishing chores to watering plants to making lunch, I realized how often I would “add one more thing” to this list while putting actual rest on hold.

I’ve been prioritizing rest ever since realizing this, even if it means putting off chores and finding other distractions to lose myself into.

One! More! Turn!

Even though I’ve been actively avoiding algorithms from running my life, like by listening to full-length albums and human-curated radio stations or making the rooms smaller on Reddit and Instagram, I still find myself doomscrolling far too often, especially at night when my motivation and energy are running on empty.

So instead of refreshing my YT feed one more time, I’ve been playing a lot of Hades — a $20 game Ian bought years ago at the height of the COVID pandemic. We’ve collectively spent 175 hours playing this game and I’m while it’s still very challenging, Hades is also really predictable and it’s been a great way to wind down after a stressful work day.

(Side note: Just the other day I learned about News Tower and this game is very much my jam. I can’t wait to sink more hours into it during the upcoming holiday break!)

Opting Out Optimization

I’ve mentioned my want to avoid spaving before (i.e.: spending money just to save money), and it’s even more crucial now that my credit card’s annual fee jumped to an eye-watering $795 per year last month. Their reasoning is that I could get this value back and more, but only if I spend the way they want me to — $10 through this service every month here, $250 at that marked-up hotel twice a year there — and frankly I want none of that. Banks should be working for me, not the other way around.

Recently I took another step toward in streamlining my finances, this time by moving my money away from mega banks to a local credit union. In addition to being able to better support my local community this way (i.e.: keeping funds local vs going to some banks headquartered in tax-haven states), it’s also kinda gross to think credit card rewards are paid to me off the backs of somebody else who’s behind on payments. This is especially icky when some banks’ entire business models are to directly target people with poor or no credit. At some point the few bucks I get back is not worth weighing down my conscience.

But just like my restless mind always tries to find things to do, I’ve spent countless hours tinkering and optimizing my finances for maximum credit card rewards. To intentionally leave money on the table, so to speak, kinda wrecks my brain and gives me a serious case of FOMO. I know it’s the right (and privileged) choice for me, but it hasn’t always been easy to just let go.

• What Is Spaving And How It’s Hurting Americans
• The Dark Side of Credit Card Rewards
• What Capital One Doesn't Want You To Know

Day off in SF

It’s never planned, but inevitably on a day off I always find myself walking around in San Francisco while listening to music. It’s how I spent my countless weekends growing up — my family didn’t have any money, so I’d spent my Saturday mornings taking the Muni to downtown and just started walking all around the city for hours on end.

On a recent day off, I took BART and Muni up to Legion of Honor (to visit the Manet & Mariosot exhibition), and it was so nice to people-watch throughout the ride while keeping my attention off my phone. I was listening to my Forty playlist (see below) and it brought back so many middle school and high school days memories.

• Legion of Honor: Manet & Morisot exhibition

Safe But Sorry

In case you don’t already know, I have this annual birthday tradition to add one new song to my Forty playlist (consisting 40 songs to rep my 40 years at the time). In truth nothing came to mind this year, but Kiri T’s new album recently dropped and “Safe But Sorry” became a clear standout to me.

Her career blew up in the past few years when she joined a major record label, and without projecting too much I’d imagine she can’t speak her mind as freely (and publicly) as before. Her song “Safe But Sorry” reminded me of who she was, how things current are, and the lyrics are especially relatable to how I'm feeling these days.

Learn more:

• 40: Introducing Forty, the playlist
• 41: Living For Me, Omar Apollo
• 42: Till The World Ends, Britney Spears

And here's the rest of it…

Thanks for reading and being part of this journey with me! Let me know what’s going on in your world and share something that’s been giving you life! You can also check out past issues of Dear Friend, on my website. Here’s the rest of it:

• The photos I took this month
• Interesting enough to share but not enough to write about:
  • How to Process Emotional Numbness and Dissociation
  • I Simplified My Phone (Without Making It Dumb)
  • News Tower - 1.0 Launch Trailer
  • resist capitalism, do nothing.

Love wins