Portraits, shipping, ceramics, boredom? - Why Am I Making This, Issue #3
Hello lovely people,
I’m ecstatic that summer is basically over. While I do enjoy the late light and the things it gives me time to do after work, I’m tired of feeling too warm and the general lethargy that summer gives me. It’s an especially difficult one, summer during covid-times, but in general I hold the unpopular opinion that summer is the worst season. Sometimes it’s beautiful, sure, but generally my moods are the worst in summer.
Your summer-skeptic letter-writer is Julien Coyne, an artist, photographer (?) and general dabbler living in Maine, generally seen as one of the most beautiful places to be in summer. What can I say, I am a contrary person.
I have also been in a bad mood because I have been struggling with direction (as I so often do), feeling bored, unmotivated, uncertain. Or maybe I’ve been feeling that way because it’s summer during a pandemic? Unclear. Fortunately, I made a discovery near the beginning of August that helped me remember my enthusiasm. That will be the final topic of this newsletter. First, let’s have a quick chat about the things I've been up to.
As always, thanks for sticking with me, even when I’m negative and grumpy. (But also, no pressure to - you can easily unsubscribe at the bottom of this letter.)
Ceramics
Ceramics adventures continue at a plodding pace, but since I haven't shared for a while, I have a lot of new wares. Here's all of them, except for 6 that have found new homes:
The missing 6 should have photos of them as well, but due to some technical difficulties I accidentally deleted the photos of them after they had already been shipped away. Oops!
Generally, I’m happy with them. Certainly looking at them all together from a distance, irregular and shiny and vibrant, I feel a certain giddiness that I have made all these cute little objects.
I have to say, when I look at some of my pieces close-up and individually, I do notice flaws. Splotchy underglaze and crazing, mostly. Before they're finished, they have so much potential, so that when they're done I always tend to be a little disappointed that they didn't reach the platonic ideal they could have been. But I think that's how most of us feel about most things we do!
Shipping
Despite not finding my finished ceramics as perfect as I’d like, I posted a video of them to my Instagram stories with a call for people to please buy them from me, because what the hell was I going to do with almost 20 tiny plates?
To my great surprise, a few people responded quickly, asking for more information. I ended up selling five pieces, which I was floored by. I have also recently sold one of my tiny fruit textiles (this apple) from an Instagram inquiry (despite not saying anywhere that it was for sale - I really don’t do myself any favors with marketing...) and a print I made in 2017 to a coworker after linking my portfolio website in my work chat group.
This got me thinking. Before 2020, I believe I had never sold anything online that I’ve had to ship. I have sold a painting or print here and there, but it has always either been through a gallery or art show, or occasionally to a friend or family member who I could drop it off to in person. But this year I have sold & shipped 10 packages with art I have made. This is actually crazy to me, and does demonstrate that I have been growing as an artist, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
What also demonstrates growth is that five of those packages were sent out in one week, and the whole process was fairly painless. The first thing I shipped this year caused me quite a bit of anxiety, and the logistics and cost of shipping the second and third things made me have an existential crisis that made me stop making the rugs that occupied most of February and March. But the work I put in then, buying shipping supplies and amping myself up to take care of all the tiny shipping tasks seems to have paid off, and I was able to send off my recent packages no sweat.
Just one other way I’m getting the hang of acting like a professional artist. Maybe soon I’ll even set up an online shop??
Portraits
Around a month ago, inspired by my Polaroid adventures, I got a hankering to take more pictures of people. I’ve done a few professional photoshoots before, but I could count them on one hand, and the last time I did one was March 2019. Not that long ago, but certainly not something I’ve done frequently. I need to mull over what I think about portrait photography before I write anything too in-depth about it, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorite photos I took recently.
If you find these nice and want to see photos like this regularly on social media, I do have an instagram account dedicated to photography. I don't always maintain it, but it's worth a shot checking there.
Creative boredom and one answer to “why am I making this?”
The summer months have been a struggle, creatively. I’ve had some enthusiasm for photography (which has been a welcome refresher), but in July and early August I’ve done almost no other creative stuff. Unusual for me, but I was trying not to get too down about it - it’s okay to get bored, to take a break when you need to. Still, it’s frustrating to feel like there’s nothing I really want to do.
I was struggling with this when I came across some tweets that hit me like a lightning bolt.
Here they are, with my response:
1: I'm curious if anyone has asked themselves this... but do you know why you draw? I'm in the process of making more personally driven work and it always boils down to that question in some form or other
2: For me, I think its the concept of having an idea and being able to bring it to life. I have a curiosity for the endless possibilities that can be created, but also I like knowing I can draw a tiger riding a skateboard and no one can stop me
3 (me): Wow, kind of just had a bruh moment.. this is why I like learning to do all kinds of creative stuff like make ceramics and textiles and do creative photoshoots... I want to be able to have an idea and bring it to life... somehow maybe I’ve never thought about it that way before??
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this.
It explains my motivation for my recent photoshoots. I want to be able to approach anyone - friends, people I admire - and offer to take pictures of them that will capture who they are, what they love to do. I want to be able to create a feeling and aesthetic in the same way that an album photoshoot does. Why shouldn’t anyone be able to have a set of photos for their book release, their new job, a new apartment - an era in their life, like an album's cover and promotional photos can capture the aesthetic of an album era for a musician?
It explains my sudden interest in new crafts, like ceramics. I see something that someone else makes and realize I could try that too. Once that thought enters my mind, I can't help but want to bring my imagination to life.
It explains my occasional bursts of enthusiasm for figure drawing - when I want to draw a character or person I like (Taylor Swift, characters from a new TV show I like), I want to bring the compositions I imagine with them to reality.
Most of all, it explains why I’m so, so much of a dabbler, and why my focus changes all the time. After I had this realization, I started doing things again. At the end of August I did indeed do some figure drawing, some digital art, some more ceramics, and started my Biggest Painting Yet. To find my enthusiasm again, I just needed to understand why I wanted to do all these different things.
Snuck this newsletter in before the end of the month. Phew. Talk to you again soon.
-Julien