i promise you

stop
for a moment
and breathe
keep breathing
search within yourself
for what you enjoy
for what makes you want to wake up
and never go to sleep
for what makes you smile
and never want to stop
and do those things
every day
just for a little bit
every day
i promise you
you’ll be ok

weird

i am the millionaire musical composer and impresario

conference burnout

i spoke at 7 conferences
this year
and it was too much
because i also travelled for other things
many times
and i am tired
and i miss my family
and i keep getting sick
i want to stay home
next year

weird

the horse head was hollow

you are colour to me

my brain is awash with colour:
always —
letters, words, music, feels,
void of logic;
empty of reason;
and you!
you are colour to me.

weird

enamel does not possess the ability to regenerate

i do not wish to create content

i do not wish to create content
i wish to create
memories
nourishing food
cosy living spaces with soft lighting
and blankets
i wish to create
art
music
poetry
manifestations of my inner being
and love
i do not wish to create content
i wish to create
a life

weird

artificial truth

when the light fades

do not be afraid
when the light fades
there are only fifty six days
until it begins its ascent
if the world’s heart is still beating
when the time comes

weird

i’ve had my desktop churn for two weeks on trying the rhombicosidodecahedron

gap

the thing with having metal in your mouth
is that it does things
like closing a gap it once created
overnight
pain begets progress
love begets love
you can manifest
anything

weird

a digital archive of light and whatnots

love

when there is so much hate in the world
love
when everything is too weird
love
when you don’t know why you’re here
love
when you don’t know who you are
love
when you don’t know what the fuck is going on
love
love
and love

weird

rotating

friends

today i am reunited with friends
from far away places
today i’ll be welcomed with love
and some hope
today i will give hugs and
we’ll laugh
oh we’ll laugh
at the absurdity of it all

weird

home of fiction

we all have a choice

you can choose
what things to use
do not give your money
to losers

weird

abundance of hematite

at least i'm still alive

it is never-ending
i am bleeding money
my house is fucked
at least i’m still alive

weird

campfires permitted

the roof is leaking

do you ever wish the world would stop
just for an hour, or a day
so you can finish the things without more things
happening
and feel a sense of calm brought on by the nothingness
that lies ahead?

it didn’t stop, today
the roof is leaking

weird

can you beat the game?

meditation

pick your sticks up
play, don’t think
close your eyes
hear it, smile
you’re back
and it feels right

(this is the final call for letters, however short, however long, to celebrate my 40th birthday; reply to this email with your thoughts, your wishes, your feelings; i can’t wait to see inside your brain)

weird

remnants of summer

orange
leaves cascade
down and lay upon
sun-bleached grass
it’s time to rest now

weird

adopt new rituals

sky

vast, big sky
above the clouds i observe the curvature of my home
this earth
that we so wilfully destroy

how long, really, do we have left?

weird

around and around

light

you’re fading now, i know
please stay a little longer
so i can watch the leaves fall from the trees

weird

the internet

in one month minus one day

in one month minus one day i will enter a new decade of existence
in one month minus one day your perception of me may change
in one month minus one day maybe my own perception of me will change
in one month minus one day who’s to say what the future holds
but in one month minus one day
apparently
my life begins

(if you would like to send me some words for my 40th birthday in one month minus one day, please reply to this email; i will file all emails in a secret folder and open them in one month minus one day)

weird

child

when you were born you made me grow
into someone i like being
when you’re gone it’s like that someone fades away a bit
and i try so hard to hold on
it’s nice to have a break sometimes
but i miss you when you’re not here
i’ll see you later, child

weird

there is no emotion. there is no art. there is only logic.

play

breathe
put your fingers on the keys
and play
make sound
and bathe in it
you are awash
with colour
breathe
put your fingers on the keys
(not for anyone else, but yourself)
and play
play
play

weird

this water is not in a form familiar to us

do not perceive me

every so often
i want to hide from it all
the noise
the chaos
endless streams of consciousness
from the depths of the unknown
turn it off
make it stop
look away
shut it out
i do not want to be perceived
today

weird

an alternate iteration of earth

where do we go

for five years i waited
to share what i felt
and as i waited it weighed
so heavy in me
but when i said it you heard
and you shared, too
you thanked me for saying
what you couldn’t say
but where do we go
from here?

weird

a time computing problem

sunbeams

sunbeams drench the earth
scattered by the shadows cast wistfully by leaves
shades of green intertwine peacefully on the ground
i like looking at you, grass

weird

the anxiety of the unread

on online

we are on
on online
projections of ourselves
on online
yet we hide
on online
sometimes, to protect ourselves
on online
should we reveal what we feel
on online
then we must retreat
off online

weird

you must listen to

do the thing

you will spend much time wondering
whether you should do the thing
but that time could be spent more wisely
by actually doing the thing

weird

a retro collection of sounds

when age comes

do not fear age, for it will be better
your world is small, child, but it will be bigger
you will love and accept your body
(for it will do magical things)
you will know you are good at what you do
(and people will respect you)
you will find your tribe
(and revel in it)
you will find yourself
when age comes

weird

this page was intentionally left

rain

you were so yellow, so crispy
translucence befell you in the harsh sunlight
a shell of your former self, a ghost
and then the rain came, in buckets
and you prospered, now nourished
green again, so green
grass

weird

divs divs divs divs divs divs divs divs

vacation

i am off the grid
free from the shackles of manufactured problems
i left it all behind
i can see the ocean
i can see the sky
i can hear the birds
i can smell the trees
i am becoming the clean breeze
my osmosis
is nourishing
i am photosynthesising
i am free

weird

it is possible to trick the brain’s binocular vision

a woman stares in delight into her internet computer machine

and she is writing a newsletter
she has collected four links she would like to share with you
her hair is slightly dishevelled, but it doesn’t matter
she is getting it cut today
she wonders if she will get her usual, or ask for something a little different
only time will tell
she intersperses her creative composition with sips of a half-drunk home-made almond milk cappuccino
she is filled with a sense of excitement at her upcoming vacation
it is raining outside, but it doesn’t matter
she is calm today, she feels accomplished
and she can’t wait to press send

weird

let go of your attachment to breathable air

too much water

i am sorry i drowned you
in your sorrows
and watched helplessly as you turned pale green
then yellow
then brown
i willed you to recover
but we wanted different things
into the green bin with you
aloe, goodbye

weird

merge

extraction

and so with great force the tooth was ripped from the gum
in which it had slept for two decades
and while in its sleep it did cast great terrors upon her mouth
she is wounded, but she is victorious
(i swear i heard my skull crack more than once)

weird

the future of web development is

find your tribe

we are all tribal beings, really
deep down
and when you find your tribe
(because you will find your tribe)
hold onto them
nurture them
love them
lift them up
laugh with them
build cool stuff with them
for they will enjoy doing the same

weird

i have no idea what this is but i like it

i have not been scrolling

i have not been scrolling
i have been looking at the trees
i have not been scrolling
i have been listening to the birds
i have not been scrolling
i have been breathing intentionally
i have not been scrolling
i have been moving my body
i have not been scrolling
i have been resting
i have not been scrolling
i have been travelling to see friends
i have not been scrolling

weird

coffee is not breakfast

friends

friends are like plants
give them light
water
dust them off
a little spray
and they will give you life
and take away the bad things
take care of them

weird

guis are the future

i am not an outsider

there are people that tolerate me
there are people that like me
there are people that actively seek out my company
there are people that cheer for me
there are people that love me
there are people that would be sad without me
repeat

weird

clickens

technology is broken

in the airport
airport internet is broken
hot-spotting data from my phone
want to view a website on the wayback machine
no, not allowed
archived materials are for grown ups
(according to my phone plan provider)
my phone plan provider has my date of birth
but now they want real proof of my digits
i enter my passport numbers, yes numbers plural
(the ones with the chevrons?? i had to type the chevrons??)
text message received
"thank you, you might need to wait 24 hours for the changes to take effect"
i quit

weird

get dressed

i wish for you

i see you
and i hope for you
i see you
and i smile for you
i see you
and i want for you
i see you
and i wish for you
i only wish good things for you

weird

this was a different place 14 years ago

hydrate

hydrate
when you are sad
hydrate
when you are tired
hydrate
when you are bored
hydrate
like your life depends on it
hydrate
because it does
hydrate
friend
hydrate

hydrate

weird

an annual journal of literature made to exist on the web

object constancy

const object: unknown = {  
  infant: "understands their caregiver exists, even when out of sight",
  child: "maintains a positive view of a parent, even when they are upset",
  adult: "preserves emotional connection with a partner, even when things are weird",
} 

weird

a website that seems to beckon you to explore it

travelling

why is it that when i travel
it takes up all the space in my head
it’s just a short trip
but what if i forget something
what if i get lost
but
what if
i enjoy it?

weird

it's for security

newness

shiny new experiences
bring shiny new feelings
warmth and hope and ambition
and drive
hold on to this
hold on
it’s worth it
and so are you
just drive

weird

the room starts to shimmer at the edges of my vision

the door

i know you feel trapped
sometimes
i know it’s hard
right now
you’re hurting in this room
where all you can do is gaze
out of the window
that’s locked
and dirty
and small
but if there wasn’t a way out
you wouldn’t have found a way in
and sometimes
all you need to do
is turn around
and find the door

weird

look at this

this is me from the past

hello from me from the past
i wrote these words last week

everything is from the past
nothing is from the future
everything is a memory
existing, then fading, then gone

in this moment we are all memories
i am a memory of you
you are a memory of me
we are past
and present
but never future
now

weird

with love to electrical trans sisters

in seven years

who will you be
in seven years?
what will you do
for seven years?
if all that is left
is seven years
what would you change, today?

weird

this is not an actual island

moderate your exposure to bullshit

consume all the stuff that makes you feel joy
share it so others can feel, and bubble
find it again, again, again
again and again
more, still more
now is the time to love, my love
what else do we have?
but this

weird

not all decisions are technical ones

once you start to feel again

we numb ourselves with thinking
and in turn cause physical pain
we numb ourselves with routine
and forget to enjoy the sky
we numb ourselves with indulgence
and scrolling and scrolling and clicking and scrolling and
we numb ourselves for protection
and lose identity and self
and once you start to feel again
that’s when you start to live
and once you start to feel again
and once you start to feel
and once you start
you become

weird

it is now 89 seconds to midnight

on manifestation

believe
it will be
trust
it will become
act
it will be given
manifest
it will be beautiful

it will
will it

weird

what makes you

what makes you
what makes you
what makes you
you wonder
is it love
is it pain
is it wealth
is it gain
is it none of the above
is it something and nothing
is it worth it
what makes you
you wonder

weird

can you beat the game?

relentless

when one thing ends
another begins
and when that, then, ends
another
but if we will it to stop
will life end, in turn?

weird

it's always in the last place you look

what do you hope for

the collective cries of 'happy new year' make me feel uneasy
i haven't yet figured out why
and so i wish you peace and comfort
and health and wonder
and everything you want to manifest

don’t go anywhere
i need you

weird

i want to be exceptional

you must make space for failure
only then, will you grow

weird

everything digital feels so broken

you are more than what you produce

you are a living being
so live

weird

masked musicians