Which NBA team is the baldest NBA team? Part 2
Which NBA team is the baldest NBA team? This time we're actually going to tell you.
Cason Wallace said that Alex Caruso is the first bald teammate he’s ever had (Instagram). Inspired by his assertion, we investigated which NBA team has the most bald players.
Baldness evaluations are based on official roster photo unless otherwise noted. Players that are capable of growing hair but have it cut short (e.g. De’Aaron Fox) are not counted as bald. For players with ambiguous hair status, we consulted a panel of basketball watchers with varying amounts of hair.
In part 1, we examined the teams in the western conference. In this installment, we’ll scrutinize the teams in the east. Teams are organized reverse alphabetically by division, which leads to some very funny results. There are a lot more bald players in the east than in the west.
Average age might have been a good stat to include alongside baldness, but it actually doesn’t correlate very well; you can find a top 10 list of oldest teams by average in this NBA blog post.
Washington Wizards
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Really short hair: 1 (Khris Middleton)
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Other notes: The highest roster number on the Wizards is Marcus Smart’s 36, which seems pretty low but I don’t feel like going through all the rosters again to confirm.
Orlando Magic
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Almost bald: 1 (Jalen Suggs)
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Miami Heat
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Other notes: Kyle Anderson’s Miami roster photo is intense!
Charlotte Hornets
Total players: 18
Bald players: 1 (Taj Gibson)
Almost bald: 1 (Josh Okogie)
Percentage of bald players: 5.5%
Atlanta Hawks
Total players: 17
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Milwaukee Bucks
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
On thin ice: 2 (Jamaree Bouyea, Gary Trent Jr.)
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Indiana Pacers
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Detroit Pistons
Total players: 18
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Bald staff: 4+ (JB Bickerstaff, head coach; Jarrett Jack, assistant coach; Sidney Lowe, assistant coach; Fred Vinson, assistant coach)
Other notes: Baldest staff in the league!
Cleveland Cavaliers
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Bald staff: 0
Other notes: With no bald players or bald staff, the Cavs are one of the least bald teams in the NBA. I hesitate to say “hairiest” because that would require an average hairstyle length metric, which I have considered but am nervous to take on.
Chicago Bulls
Total players: 18
Bald players: 1 (Jevon Carter)
Almost bald: 1 (Talen Horton-Tucker, opinions were divided, we gave him the benefit of the doubt)
Percentage of bald players: 5.5%
Toronto Raptors
Total players: 17
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Bald staff: 0
Other notes: Much like the Cavaliers, the Raptors have no bald players or staff, which could make them the least bald team in the NBA.
Philadelphia 76ers
Total players: 18
Ratio of bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
New York Knicks
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Other notes: Tom Thibodeau is not bald based on the definition that we set out, but also nobody is on thinner ice than that man. He’s also not the head coach of the Knicks anymore, so I guess it doesn’t matter either way.
Brooklyn Nets
Total players: 18
Bald players: 0
Percentage of bald players: 0%
Boston Celtics
Total players: 17
Bald players: 3 (Jordan Walsh, Derrick White, Xavier Tillman)
Thin ice: 1 (Al Horford)
Percentage of bald players: 17.6%
We did it! We found the baldest NBA team! I really wouldn’t have guessed that it was the Celtics, but here we are. I would not like to see Cason Wallace go to the Boston Celtics, but if he did, then he might have so many new bald teammates.
Thanks for the time, and we’ll be back soon with something or other!