WDKB Actually Unhinged 2024-25 NBA Predictions, Revisited (Part 1)
Every year, people try to guess what will happen in the NBA. Every year, people are wrong. We are those people.
Now that the NBA finals have ended, we can look back on our predictions from the beginning of the season and determine just how wrong we were. One of the beautiful things about the NBA is that it always provides unexpected drama, and this season was no different! While last season brought such gems as the Jontay Porter sports betting scandal, this season brought new exciting moments like the Charlotte Hornets taking a Playstation 5 away from a child and then having to give it back.
We’ll revisit our predictions by conference, because 30 teams is a lot of teams. For the eastern conference, we gave ourselves 1% credit for one prediction and got absolutely nothing else correct.
General NBA predictions
❌ Adam Silver shows up to the in-season tournament with a full head of hair and beard.
❌ A team initiates one of those $10,000 challenges after a game and actually succeeds, requiring the last few minutes of the game to be replayed. This ultimately has minimal impact on the end-of-season standings.
Not quite the same thing, but the Warriors were retroactively credited with a free throw that went uncounted during their season opener at Portland.
We should have predicted… Scottie Pippin says he would have won 6 championships without Michael Jordan. He also made a horrible AI-generated image of himself posting about having 6 rings.
Eastern Conference
Atlanta Hawks
❌ Zaccharie Risacher will peak in the first game of his career, Michael Carter-Williams style.
❌ The Hawks beat the Sixers in the playoffs so badly that Paul George gets the yips for the rest of the series.
This prediction came from a reality notably less unhinged than our own. –Grant
We should have predicted… Dyson Daniels has a phenomenal defensive season, earning him the nickname “Great Barrier Thief” and a Most Improved Player award.
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… A Hawks fan participating in a halftime contest tears his ACL on his first layup attempt.
Miami Heat
❌ Inspired by A’ja Wilson, Bam Adebayo wins unanimous MVP but loses in the second round of the playoffs to the Brooklyn Nets.
Bam Adebayo didn’t win MVP, but he did start wearing A’ja Wilson’s signature shoe, so we’ll give that like 1% credit for the “inspiration” bit.
We should have predicted… The Heat and Jimmy Butler engage in an extremely nasty and public media war. Twitter theorizes Butler is dying his hair colors to indicate which teams he wants to play for. Butler leaks he is willing to be traded to any team except the Grizzlies.
To a certain extent none of this was surprising but it’s the most unhinged thing that happened.
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… Terry Rozier is investigated for line-fixing.
Orlando Magic
❌ Franz Wagner is suspended by the league but attempts to subvert his suspension by playing while wearing Moe Wagner’s jersey.
We should have predicted… The Magic trade Kentavious Caldwell-Pope plus 4 first round picks and a pick swap for Desmond Bane; a bunch of NBA media people say it’s actually a good trade for the Magic.
Charlotte Hornets
❌ Michael Jordan faces seller’s regret and attempts a hostile re-takeover of team ownership.
❌ LaMelo Ball cannot play in a game because the hinges on the doors of his custom wrapped Cybertruck rust shut.
We should have predicted… The Hornets “prank” a child by offering them a PS5 and then taking it away. The subsequent public backlash forces them to provide said PS5.
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… LaMelo gets the most public All-Star votes in the east but does not qualify for the team.
Washington Wizards
❌ The Wizards will break the all-time losses record after starting 2-2.
This was quite the roller coaster. The Wizards did indeed start the season 2-2 and proceed to be historically bad for a while; unfortunately they reverted to just “bad” in the second half of the season and weren’t even the worst team this season, let alone all time.
❌ Jordan Poole plays extremely well to start the season, is traded at the deadline to a contender, and immediately turns into a pumpkin
The Wizards traded Kyle Kuzma at the deadline and he was very bad on the Bucks.
We should have predicted… Washington has a very bad season, then trades Kyle Kuzma and gets better.
Chicago Bulls
❌ Zach LaVine will finally be revealed to be a 200 year old vampire.
Zach LaVine is on the Kings now so we’ll have to come up with something else for the Bulls next season.
❌ Lonzo Ball plays 82 games this season.
Lonzo Ball did have a bit of a comeback season thanks to his new knee.
We should have predicted… Nothing. This team was not particularly fun or interesting.
Milwaukee Bucks
❌ The Bucks have the best record in the east and lose in the first round.
The Bucks did not have the best record in the east, but they did lose in the first round. No prediction credit for that, since it’s easy to lose in the first round.
❌ Doc Rivers is fired early in the season, and Darvin Ham takes over. Behind Ham’s leadership, the Bucks go to the NBA Finals and defeat the Los Angeles Lakers in 7 games. LeBron refuses to shake Darvin Ham’s hand at the end of game 7.
The Bucks season was, sadly, much more cursed than this. Doc Rivers did leave one game with an illness, leading Darvin Ham to take over as head coach.
We should have predicted… The Bucks spend the whole season continuing to be varying levels of cursed, with a brief break to win the NBA Cup Sponsored by Emirates. They do not fire Doc Rivers. Damian Lillard tears his ACL in the playoffs.
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… Bobby Portis is suspended for taking Tramadol instead of Toradol.
Cleveland Cavaliers
❌ Cleveland trades for Lebron James. Due to an imprecise contract, LAL sends them Lebron James Jr.
Another one that couldn’t have ever happened due to how the CBA works, but you can’t push the boundaries of hinged without some completely impossible predictions. –Grant
We should have predicted… Cleveland has the best record in the east and Kenny Atkinson wins coach of the year, before losing to the Pacers in the second round.
Indiana Pacers
❌ Pacers miss the playoffs and the front office blows up the team.
In retrospect this prediction came from allowing Traditional Media to influence my opinion of the Pacers, and this was a normie take. I promise to be better next season. –Grant
❌ Rick Carlisle discovers the Twin Towers lineup of Myles Turner and James Wiseman. On the strength of this lineup, the Pacers go to the Eastern Conference Finals. James Wiseman wins Most Improved Player.
Sadly James Wiseman tore his Achilles tendon and was traded to the Raptors, who waived him. It is deeply unfortunate that the Pacers roster experienced 3 Achilles tears this year.
We should have predicted… Tyrese Haliburton is voted most overrated player by The Athletic’s anonymous player poll. The Pacers proceed to go on a miracle playoffs run to make the NBA finals, which they take to 7 games and perhaps could have won if not for an Achilles injury to Tyrese Haliburton in the first quarter.
Detroit Pistons
❌ Crumbl Cookies becomes Detroit’s jersey sponsor.
❌ Cade wins most improved player and Tobias Harris wins MVP as the Pistons go 68-14 to exactly invert their record from last year.
The Pistons were much better this year!
We should have predicted… The Pistons were good! Malik Beasley cracked 300 made threes in a season and Isaiah Stewart didn’t lead the league in technical fouls.
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… Pistons players having to take the subway to a game vs the Nets due to the New York Marathon.
Toronto Raptors
❌ A quirk of Canadian law forces the Raptors to play home games in Buffalo, New York.
We should have predicted… The Raptors played a lineup of 5 undrafted rookies at one point and also traded for Brandon Ingram. Not much to remember or to predict.
Philadelphia 76ers
❌ Joel Embiid plays back-to-back games.
❌ Joel Embiid is out for the entire regular season but the Sixers still have the East’s second-best record, netting Nick Nurse coach of the year. Embiid returns for the playoffs, where the Sixers lose in the first round.
Sixers fans would probably give up their firstborn child for this to have been how the season went. – Grant
I’m sorry. –Marisa
We should have predicted… The Sixers acquire Paul George in one of the coups of the offseason, and then he performs so poorly that he quits his podcast to focus on basketball, as part of general bad vibes in a lost season.
Boston Celtics
❌ Boston wins 80+ regular season games and loses in the first round to the Heat.
I’m gonna be honest, I forgot how math works and meant this to be 70+ but didn’t catch it in time; either way this did not happen. –Grant
❌ The Celtics are bought by Joe Lacob, who jettisons the Warriors and moves the Valkyries to Boston.
I’m really loving the Valkyries crowd, and I’ll be damned if I have to take my rooting talents to Boston. –Marisa
We should have predicted… The Celtics shoot a historic number of threes, with a strong showing by 6th Man of the Year Payton Pritchard. They still don’t get the first seed in the East and lose to the Knicks in the second round.
New York Knicks
❌ Mikal Bridges is the only Villanova lad left on the team by the end of the season.
❌ KAT and Jalen Brunson get into major beef; due to KAT’s career-best season, the Knicks brass trade Brunson.
We should have predicted… The Knicks vanquish the hated Celtics and reach the conference finals, only to lose to the hated Pacers and fire Thibs.
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… Tracy Morgan gets food poisoning and throws up on the court while sitting courtside. The Knicks win, prompting Tracy to suggest he will throw up on the court during Knicks playoff games.
Brooklyn Nets
❌ Tsai holds a “winners summit” where Liberty players give Nets players tips on “grit” and “winning mindsets” and “mentally recovering from being the first team to ever throw a 15-point lead in the final 3 minutes of a playoff game.” Cam Thomas is inspired and the Nets win 35 straight.
❌ Tsai renames the Nets to the “Laddie Liberty”; their mascot is Elijah the Elephant.
We should have predicted… The Nets acquire D’Angelo Russell from the Lakers (again).
We should have predicted (honorable mention)… We love Cam Johnson
Well, that’s the east. We normally publish the west first, so I thought it would be nice to mix it up a little bit. We’ll be back tomorrow with the western conference!