Today is a day for rest and a day for grief. Most of my energy is going to a celebration of life for my grandmother’s best friend later this evening.

I’m listening this morning to the song Journey to the Spirit World by musician Buddy Red Bow. It’s my favorite music discovery of the year so far. I’ve listened to it countless times, and probably will countless more. Today he brings me comfort.

There is much to say about Buddy, and I am no expert. I intend to do a longer, research heavy write up on him for this newsletter when I have the time. But for now I will speak from what I do know and what I feel.

Buddy was born in 1948 on Pine Ridge Reservation. This place, for those who do not know, is the home of the Stronghold Table where the last ghost dances were held. It is where Chief Spotted Elk fled with his people after the killing of Sitting Bull, and where they were massacred at Wounded Knee Creek.

It is where, in 1973, a grassroots uprising took place demanding a return to traditional ways and where in response Richard Nixon would send more than a thousand federal agents and national guard to shut down the movement resulting in the death of 3 Lakota and the wounding of 14 others. This Buddy lived through and remembered in music and interviews.

That is his context, but it does not really capture the gifts he left us in his music. That is the love he love he had for his land and his people, and how well he taught the act of walking in a good way.

and I’ll leave the horse you rode
so proud through the crowd
and the ones you love and leave behind 
you’ll see in another time 

so get yourself ready
get your body ready
purify your mind while you can 
go to the sweat lodge
pray with the peace pipe
the end is round the bend

- Journey to the Spirit World Lyrics

What strikes me most today is the how freely his songs give strength to those who listen to them, And his own underlying strength.

For one, to promise care in death to those who are still living and then to carry it out takes great strength and willpower. You must understand the passed-on as a full person, understand their complex place in the dance of all things and feel the true meaning of their absence. You must honor them not just because they are dead but for all the life they lived, good and bad and in between.

You must be very grounded to care for the dead to keep their memories and stories alive, to cry the right amount—enough to give them a river to sail across but not so much to drown them. It is hard and beautiful work. It is work that honors those that do it and asks much of them. It is work that takes much, but heals more than it takes.

Buddy’s song is full of care and gentleness, full of this delicate understanding. But he calls us who are living to action and does not let us rest in fear. He reminds us we cannot leave it all to those who outlive us. It is easiest to care for the dead when they make their own peace with it first, and it is easier still when you care of your own mind and body.

I’ll be honest, I can barely move today. I am tired to my bones. I do not want to walk across town and take a train and walk some more to get to a remembrance ceremony I did not know I would be attending till very late last night. I’ve questioned whether I even can.

But today, in this time and place, honoring the dead means doing these things. So I will. I could do no less.

Buddy Red Bow died March 28th, 1993 in Sioux City, South Dakota. He was 44. He left us many songs as gifts.

Marian Van Landingham died on April 4th, 2026 in Alexandria, Virginia. She was 88. She was my grandmother’s best friend.

Special Note

I cannot recommend enough looking through the comments on the video linked above. Many have used it as a place to remember their dead, others have used it to remember the joy Buddy brought. Here’s a few of my favorites.

And I genuinely can’t stop thinking about this last one. It makes me laugh every time I think of it. No commentary needed.

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