Wallowing in Con Chaos
Hey there, fellow wallowers!
This month I traveled to Scotland for a castle writing retreat and a convention. I was on two panels––Neurodivergent Approaches to Stories and Dark Academia: The Lure of Evil Institutions––that left me inspired and invigorated. The neurodivergent panel was particularly rewarding to be part of, not only because chatting with my fellow panelists was incredible but because audience interest and engagement was a powerful reminder that we’re here and we matter and our unique approach to stories is important.
Speaking of neurodivergence, I’ve been thinking a lot about navigating cons with a brain full of bees and what it would look like and feel like to be “successful” at that. I posted a little bit about this topic on Bluesky before I left, but I wanted to elaborate a bit here.
I always feel, in some indescribable way, that I’m failing at con. And maybe that’s because con, as a job, is actually pretty complicated. There’s so much more to it than meets the eye, and I don’t intuitively grasp a lot of it.
There’s always a million things to do, especially at a con the size of Glasgow WorldCon. Always more people to meet. Always more to experience and engage with. Always, it turns out, more unspoken expectations I have for myself and how I’ll be this time, waiting like pit traps to catch me when I inevitably fall.
I had a plan to try to manage that, but I didn’t fully account for the fact that this con was my first as an author with an announced book deal. This con, my job really was con.
The trouble is, I’m not Con Barbie, I’m Connecting-with-people-in-small-groups-while-rambling-through-the-woods-and/or-drinking-warm-beverages-and/or-sharing-pictures-of-pets Barbie. And that’s okay, but it does mean that I’m primed to feel like I’m failing before I even begin.
I don’t know if I conned well enough. What I do know is that I had a blast. I met lots of cool folks (but, alas, not everyone on my list). I explored as much as humanly possible. I ate so much good food. I tried vegan haggis (it tasted like lentils, because it was lentils). I did a little bit of research for a future project. And I told a couple of large rooms full of people about my book, despite the fact that self-promotion is terrifying.
The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I get to decide what success is, what it feels like, and what it looks like. I don’t have to be Con Barbie. I just have to be myself. And maybe schedule meetups instead of winging it, because WOW that did not work.
I’m thinking about creating some sort of How to Con while Neurodivergent resource. If and when I do, I’ll share it here.
Anyway, here are some of my favorite moments from the trip:
Meeting my agent in person for the first time!
Attending the Hugos (and being there in person for the Strange Horizons win and an Ursula Vernon acceptance speech!!!)
Falconry, which included an owl, a buzzard, a kite, and two eagles.
Exploring Edinburgh.
All the graveyards and cemeteries!
I… may try to send another newsletter this month with my August microfiction and reading / watching / listening recommendations. It all depends on my ability to battle jet lag and day job catchup.
If you don’t hear from me, though, I’ll be wallowing in more revisions and planning a spooky September newsletter, because fall is on its way!
Thanks for wallowing with me,
Courtney