january 2024
this post can also be read on my silly little blog: https://durandal.blog/january-2024
january sounds like sharp clarity overlaid with disorientation and fuzziness. cold weather, crisp skies, dimness, longing for the light. it's one of my favourite months, sincerely, but it's never an easy one. january feels like there's hope but you're going to have to work for it.
a playlist that i hope encapsulates some of that:
i've always thought of myself as having a huge sweet tooth, but i think it's not really that; i just like sweet desserts, specifically. i'm not huge on candy. i've been thinking about this recently due to the wrapping up of the holiday season, which for me means a lot of decadent baking, as well as the Jaya Saxena's article The Bitter Taste of ‘Not Too Sweet’, on the discourse around Asian desserts, as well as my desire to make time to read Ulbe Bosma's The World of Sugar: How the Sweet Stuff Transformed Our Politics, Health, and Environment over 2,000 Years. the ecological and geopolitical impact of refined sugar is one of those things that bring me pause when i think about degrowth and similar topics. baking is such a beloved and "wholesome" hobby that is at the same time almost inextricably wrapped up in colonialism. which, like, many other aspects of my/our lives are likewise (i'm typing this on a computer), but this is one i get tripped up on--not in a bad way, it's just something that i've been thinking about a lot lately. what would baking be like if i were only to use ingredients produced in canada, for example? i suspect this is something that will need to be reckoned with increasingly over the next few decades. i hope it is.
this time last year i was preparing for top surgery, and i saved the following things in the month's "diary" note:
Photos of Leonard Cohen in kitchens
- Recognizing when telling people about my plans/accomplishments will be motivating vs. when it will drop off my motivation entirely
as you might be able to tell, at the time i was determinedly clawing myself up from the bottomless depression pit that the previous year had been, an effort which has been mostly successful barring some not insignificant detours.
twelve months later, i'm mostly happy with the results... mostly. i still get random twinges of pain in the surgical areas, caused by seemingly nothing, but i don't think it's ? serious ? i have to go see my surgeon in a few weeks so i guess i'll ask her... then?