71 - On the Twelfth Day of Christmas...
..Vince made another tier list!
This time, it’s the Twelve Days of Christmas Tier List!
I’m not even going to consider the cumulative effect of the present (assuming every day you give them everything they sing about each day), which would necessitate you to give:
- 12 partridges in 12 separate pear trees, 22 turtle doves, 30 french hens, 36 calling birds, 40 golden rings, 42 (!) geese, 42 (!) swans, 40 maids, 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords leaping, 22 pipers, and 12 drummers.
That’s just too logistically hard to organise - so we’re going to focus on the singular presents themselves:
🎵 On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me… 🎵
Twelve drummers drumming - C tier
Could be good as a marching band, but it could also be hella disruptive to the neighbourhood, and I don’t want to deal with noise complaints.
Eleven pipers piping - B tier
Similar to the above (maybe they could join together and create a band?) but pipers I feel would be a bit more melodic, and less annoying to deal with. Listen to them a bit, and then send them away.
Also, do we still call them pipers? I thought pipers dealt with rats…are they here to deal with a rat problem I don’t know about?!
Ten lords a-leaping - A tier
This is my favourite image of all the presents - imagine hearing a ‘ding-dong’ - you open the door, and it’s just a bunch of fancy gentleman lightly prancing around in your front yard. Mortifying, but absolutely HILARIOUS.
Nine ladies dancing - A tier
Honestly, any ladies dancing around me would be pretty good. This would fall to C tier if I then have to house them, because bruh, I ain’t even got my own house right now. Also, concerns about human trafficking (where did these ladies come from?) but that’s besides the point.
Again, hilarious image of ladies dancing in the front yard. Imagine if they were krumping too.
Eight maids a-milking - F tier
Eight maids a-milking means there must also be EIGHT COWS that are being milked. In which case, cows should NOT be chillin’ in the neighbourhood, shitting all over the garden.
Also, I don’t want un-homogenised, un-pasteurised milk straight from a cow???
Seven swans a-swimming - F tier
Six geese a-laying - F tier
I’m treating these two together - essentially it’s THIRTEEN birds that will honk and snap at you. Like seriously, who wants that? Who looks out one morning and thinks ‘yo that’s so sweet I have another 13 birds to look after’. Where would you keep them?!
Only factor to keeping them is if the geese lay golden eggs. In which case I’d only need one of them. Or maybe two - one to lay eggs, and one to use in scientific research to understand how gold is being created in animal bodies, and potentially splice this gene into other animals.
Imagine elephants shitting out gold…
Five golden rings - S tier
No contest, this is the best present out of the entire twelve days. If my suitor (or suitress? What’s the female equivalent?) stopped here, that would be good enough. It’s free bling, and if they’re magical in any capacity, life’s even BETTER.
Worst comes to worse I could sell them. What’s the spot price for gold these days?
Four calling birds - C tier
It’s less bad than swans and geese, so it gets a C tier. Again, it’s four birds. For no reason. Why are birds considered good gifts? I got a plant last year and being responsible for life is stressful, yo.
Three french hens - B tier
They’re chickens. So worst comes to worse we can eat them. Fry ‘em, boil ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew :D
Two turtle doves - B tier
Technically, it’s only two doves. And doves are pretty cute birds so I think this isn’t too bad of a gift.
and a partridge in a pear tree - A tier
The pear tree is the main thing that makes this A tier. It’s a free tree that makes pears for you! Like you don’t need to gift PEARS, you just get the gift of INFINITE PEARS.
No, I’m not doing a fruit tier list.
Have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year! - it’s been a rough year so make sure you take the time to refresh, recharge, spend as much time with your loved ones as possible :)
I’m taking a break ‘til Jan to build a bit of a backlog before I come back from the break, so see you then!
Chat soon <3
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✔️ Real Life Recommendations
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Boys State - One thousand 17-year old boys from Texas go away for a week to simulate government, vying for different positions in the House of Reps, Senate, Party Chair, and ultimately the Governorship. A super interesting watch, as you see different approaches to being a politician arise in younger boys, and what they focus their attention / platforms on. Another note of interest is how separating them from society doesn’t take away any of the attitudes they adopted in the outside world. It’s all about gun rights, abortion, states rights…anyway. One particularly poignant quote I remember:
“I thought I could lie and tell them what they wanted to hear, but deep down they wanted to be serious, to have someone actually care and speak from the heart”
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The Martian by Andy Weir - I’m recommending the book here as a great holiday read, but the movie is pretty excellent as well. The movie adapts the humour and light-hearted feel of the book really well, but I think the book is just a bit more entertaining (there’s a lot more ‘boring’ stuff that happens in his diary entries - like ‘Today I played ABBA all day’ -> ‘ABBA sucks’). Have a read if you want to escape a while from the world :)
🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway
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5 Books for a Lousy Year - Bill Gates - I haven’t read many of these; I own Range though, which I might make sure I prioritise reading. Generalists unite! Breath from Salt sounds absolutely fascinating too.
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Recipe Search - an interesting little tool that allows you to search 2 million recipes really easily. I think I’d rather use Google but no harm trying something new, right? :)
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How to Buy Gifts People Actually Want - 1. Work out the relationship between you and the giver (the closer, the easier it is to give cash) - 2. Ask them - 3. Make it useful 4. Make it something you would want - 4. Work out what’s similar between you and the gift giver - 5. Go by your own experience (what have you liked in the past!)