53 - What kind of company are you?
Hey there, ! <- this is a test, hope it works!
So, this post was inspired by this company which has the same name as a good friend of mine - Bev - a canned alcoholic drinks company. It got me thinking - what companies would other names be like?
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Harold: The sole provider of crowns to kingdoms around the world. They make bespoke crown designs for royal families and spend their time designing new and interesting crown designs. They’re probably a family business passed down over many years, jealously guarding secrets of head sizes, jewel placement, and crown security.
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Esme: The cool new business that sells spices through TikTok. You can get fresh, whole or ground spices delivered all across Australia through offers you find on the #foryou page - you snooze, you lose - Esme don’t wait for no one. A sassy brand identity that will let you know that you’re not on #trend, but also claps back at corporations that are trying to capitalise on it, irony noted.
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Isaac: A book emporium that cuts books in half and then pastes them back together in different combinations. Imagine Jane Eyre coupled with Sherlock Holmes. Spend your life trying to find your soulmate who has the other half of the book you enjoyed, or the first half of the ending you want to know about. Guaranteed to feature muted lighting, a labyrinth of shelves, and a minotaur.
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Gwen: A salon that also offers a medical checkup using microfluidics (i.e. what Theranos tried to sell). Gwen will help you build a beautiful, confident look on the outside, and tune up your body at the same time. You’ll get your blood test results in the time it takes to bleach and colour your hair, and a doctor will walk you through the analysis while you’re getting a mani-pedi. You can trust Gwen!
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Anthony: A metal sculpture school - it provides blocks of metal that you use specific tools to shape and craft (like you would as a woodworker). Sculpting metal with Anthony-branded tools are their bread and butter; literally, it cuts through metal like a hot knife through butter. A new metal Renaissance. Their tools are their unfair advantage from the market, and they laugh at the rest of the world as they drudge away making machines for the military-industrial-capitalist economy of the world.
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Carolyn: A virtual food experience company that sends people across the world to eat, and helps to recreate those textures and senses in a virtual world. The first Carolyn prototype allows you to recreate the experience of a variety of foods including burgers, steak and sushi. Pasta is proving to be hard to make with textures, but it’s on the roadmap.
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Brent: This private-equity backed firm invests in old space shuttles to create a lucrative business as the space janitors of the world. Space junk is incredibly dangerous and needs clean-up - every country purchases the minerals and junk that they bring back down to earth as the junk is incredibly rich with precious metals. Astronauts are in short supply though, and the high labour costs means they’re barely breaking even - as with anything, automation is the way forward.
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Ingrid: A piano company that has incredibly artsy designs - no more are you looking at plain old pianos, you can purchase Banksy pianos, Warhol-inspired designs, and pianos that feature designs from Michelangelo’s frescoes in the Vatican. Free tune-ups for the first 5 years!
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Rory: A lion-themed clothing company - leopards have had it too good for too long, and lions need some more representation in clothing. Featuring impractical faux-lion fur, massive manes, razor-sharp claws…their most famous product is a replica of the Scar cape from Hercules. Unfortunately, they use the pun ‘Roar-y’ far too much, which is limiting their brand potential.
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Sloane: A supremely secure submarine shipping syndicate that ships supplies from states that secretly smuggle salt to the south. Surprisingly, there’s a surplus of salt stock in the south that is stopping the salt smuggling submarine ship syndicate from providing their secretive shipping service.
What do you guys think? :D Any companies come to mind?
Chat soon :)
✔️ Real Life Recommendations
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Papercraft World - as much as I’d like to believe that I don’t get sucked in by advertising, they got me on Instagram just as I was looking at buying a paint by numbers set to spend my time on. After now finishing a lion paper art set, I can definitely recommend this! It’s something kinda different, and the I really dig the pixelated aspect to it. Go slow, make sure the glue sticks, and you’ll have a really nice piece of animal art - check it out!
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Fleabag - an incredible tv series featuring a 30-something year old female trying to make her way through a world fraught with…well, reality. Winning six Emmy awards after being nominated for 11, the key feature of the show is the constant fourth wall breaking and internal asides to the audience. It was born out of a comedy bit that Phoebe Waller-Bridge created as a one-woman show, and it’s amazing. Highly recommended - my god Olivia Colman can ACT.
🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway
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Business Name Generator - an AI-backed business name generator that takes your keywords about your business and comes up with a name and a design!
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It’s time to build - a memo from Marc Andreessen, head of one of the biggest VC’s in Silicon Valley, who argues that the key thing that we need to do now is build - just like our ancestors before us - to ensure future growth and prosperity. Governments and regulations are hampering innovation and incumbents are preventing
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How Social Movements break Google Sheets - a fascinating piece about how solving the ‘scalable collaboration tool’ is so damn hard! Google Sheets keeps breaking when too many people access them, even though it’s usually the easiest way to create a shared database of content.