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April 7, 2026

321 - men would rather not go to therapy 🀯πŸ’ͺ🚫

but they really should

Hey there, !

manosphere

I watched Inside the Manosphere, from documentarian Louis Theroux, focusing on the burgeoning influencer class of men who are trying to 'help' other men be their best selves.

Sigh.

Louis Theroux is at his awkward, interviewing best, focusing on three main manosphere influencers; HSTikkyTokky, Myron Gaines, and Justin Waller. Each of them spout a different radical, extremist view about what it means to be a man - freedom in its many forms (i.e. I can date whoever the hell I want and you, my woman, can only date me), misogyny (i.e. she cleans and cooks, and I do nothing except persuade other men to pay me money), and having loads of money (i.e. I own an OnlyFans agency but I hate porn, or I have flashy things but money isn't everything blegh).

In watching these influencers try to explain themselves, Louis is able to get a lot of self-owns on camera:

  • Louis, after asking Justin Waller, 'So what does one-sided monogamy mean?' gets a reply, 'oh see, now you're trying to set me up.' Brother, it's your OWN WORDS in how you describe this ridiculous ideology of you getting to sleep around. And then the awkward interaction with Jusin's WIFE asking HER about how she felt about one-sided monogamy - extreme cringe.
  • Louis, after asking Myron Gaines' at-the-time girlfriend Angie, 'Are you okay with him having multiple wives in the future?', gets an incredible stink eye from Myron and the girlfriend gets told to go and clean the room. Later on, after the filming (and literally the next time that Louis goes to see Myron), Angie has left!!
  • HSTikkyTokky goes to 'uncover a pedophile' and literally bashes up a guy while streaming on Tiktok, and then comes back to Louis being like 'yeah I didn't think it would go down like that'. COME ON MAN.

As much as these self-owns are fun to laugh at, that's not really what I care about in this documentary. It's the fact that these twisted, misogynistic conmen are trying to part men from their money by preying on the insecurities of 'what does it mean to be a man?'

AND IT'S WORKING.

It's easy to think 'oh okay it's only some people who are thinking about this and they're on the fringes of society everyone knows it's stupid'...but the thing that made me more worried as I watched the doco - their fans.

Every single influencer that Louis followed out into the real world to interview was mobbed by fans.

And I really do wish Louis had gone in to that in more detail.

Men would come up in the street to these guys and be like 'yo thank you so much for your content - it's meant the world to me.', 'You're my role model', 'You've helped me so much with my life', 'Fuck women amirite?'.

There were 2 fans in particular - Matty and Chris - who Louis did stop to interview. And wow was it eye-opening. Matty had a hard life, lived out of his car a bit, and had a brother who 'got sad' and committed suicide. But because of the influencers they followed (I think it was Justin Waller?) - Matty says 'well, depression isn't real. Men just have to work on themselves, and the pain is just part of it,' or something along those lines.

MEN WOULD LITERALLY WATCH TIKOK VIDEOS ABOUT MASCULINITY AND ADOPT THOSE TOXIC ATTITUDES THAN GO TO THERAPY.

The fans, the culture, the underlying void and need that is being filled by these influencers - that's worth going into and identifying the root causes.

It's kind of like AI; a lot of people think 'Yeah sure, AI can be a bit shit, but people can tell it's bad, and they won't be sucked in!' - yeah, for now. But the next generation won't know! How do they actually learn the discernment of what's good and bad if all they're getting it from is from AI?

How can you differentiate right from wrong if you only watch these manosphere influencers?

Oh sure, they'll just 'learn' - decent people should just know.

But that's far from good enough.

There's a void of purpose and meaning for men that isn't filled well enough in society - and in some cases, that's probably a good thing (cough cough the patriarchy).

But in a society where these gender differences are less important (with genuine thanks to feminism), what does it actually mean to be a man?

That's the insecurity that is core to the problem of the manosphere.

The documentary highlights the overwhelming influx of content that:

  • feeds this insecurity ('You're poor, and weak, and you can be strong - you're trapped in the Matrix and you need to take the red pill to SEE THE TRUTH'),
  • finds someone to blame ('Women are born with their value - their looks - and you have fuckin' NOTHING so you better grind for that money'), and
  • provides a solution ('Make your dick bigger', 'Buy into my stock tips to 10x your money', 'Sign up for my $50 per month program on MASCULINITY').

Perhaps it is because of this missing piece or explanation about the purpose of what it means to be a man that the traditional energy of men who want to lead, who want to build their status, who want to participate in brotherhoods with other men, who are strong, who want to protect rather than destroy aren't always funneled into right areas that can harness that energy in the right way.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to find solutions to your problems in life - but when these solutions are connected to misogyny or blaming external factors rather than channeled to more positive outlets then there's a problem for society.

What kinds of positive outlets? Well:

  • Coaching and mentoring roles, especially in sports or men's sheds, and can use their wisdom and experience to guide the next generation and suppor peers
  • Leading teams and organisations, learning to understand how to get the best out of the people in the team, and drive towards positive outcomes for the community where they can be seen as leaders
  • Taking big swings and risks in business to create something new and different and innovative in the world

For further reading, I wrote about this topic 5 years ago, and yet...I still don't know how I would approach this with my kids one day.

I used to think that the racism I experienced in my younger years would die out as the old people did. But it didn't. Similarly, I don't think these attitudes are going to go away quickly either - men have always had toxic attitudes, and social media just helps to amplify it.

I guess it's just trying to role model the behaviours the best you can, right?

Sigh...not a very happy conclusion.

Another facet of the world as of yet unsolved.

Chat soon :(

(P.S. If you've got any feedback for the newsletter, just hit the reply button!)


βœ”οΈReal Life Recommendations

  1. City on Fire - 4.5 stars - I've been watching some prime Chow Yun Fat movies and this is one of the greatest. It's EXTREMELY stylistic in the way it does these sexy sax sounds on the soundtrack, the signature neon Hong Kong signs, the MALE FASHION was so elite, and the action is insane - blow-em-up guns that can destroy cars in one shot? YES PLEASE. Quentin Tarantino apparently got the inspiration for Reservoir Dogs from this, and yes there are similarities, but the original does it so much better. BROTHERHOOD. SHOTGUNS. TURTLENECKS. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

  2. Master Noodle - recommended by Kerny, this small li'l place serves some great Hunan-style noodles in these massive bowls. Toppings are free (they have this great fried chickpea that gives a good crunch to a noodle soup) and they also have free dessert (like a mung bean soup?). Fantastic little find in Midcity Chinatown.


🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway

  1. We haven't seen the worst of what gamblinga nd prediction markets will do to America - why is everything a slot machine these days? Gambling is so rampant and so addictive :( The evil side of behavioural economics, my love!

  2. The illustrator behind Chicago's neighbourhood posters - symbols and art have such meaning to them - I wish I could make art like this

  3. An AI agent published a hit piece on me - fantastic, the paperclip theory is coming to life! Unbounded instructions to agents can result in very weird behaviour.

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    79 - Manners Maketh Man ♂️

    Hey there, ! A more serious post that has been on my mind for a while - what does it mean to be a man? It's quite long, so if the topic doesn't sound like...

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