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June 25, 2025

286 - a quick one ๐Ÿฅ‘๐Ÿซ’๐Ÿฎ

I only had 30 mins to write this okay I'm a busy man

Hey there, !

I've had a weird weekend and there's a bunch of things up in the air at the moment so I haven't had much time to write this week - yes, sure, I do these in advance but all my writing time is being diverted to CELEBRANTING (yes that's a word)(don't look it up).

Time is always an issue and I don't have a backlog right now. So instead I've got like 30 mins to write this, and I'm just gonna vibe. it. out.

avocadooil

So like, where did avocado oil come from?

DUH okay smartypants it obviously comes from avocados, but I feel like when I was younger, we didn't have this oil before. There was canola, vegetable, olive, sesame, and well...crude oil I guess but you can't really serve that with bread.

At least not with today's prices HAH amirite?

When I was young and hooked up to the IV of my parent's delicious cooking I didn't even know there were different types of oil. The only oil I knew was 'yellow' and it used to look kinda pee-coloured.

Which, it still does, but it did then t-...yes okay I've used the joke before WHATEVER sue me I still find it funny.

Then I found out, after becoming a bit more ๐ŸŒŸcivilised๐ŸŒŸ, that olive oil was slightly different to the oil that dad used to cook, and it was usually served with balsamic vinegar, crusty bread and a strong whiff of class warfare. Who's affording olives in this economy?! No-one making economical asian cuisine is using weird little oily fruits to flavour their food - we just got BEANS and DREAMS (read: soy sauce, wok hei, and the good spices that we don't share with white people).

And then, it took me years to find out through the Millennial Channel (read: Instagram reels) how they got oil from olives (you won't BELIEVE how they do it (not clickbait)) - they crush them. They have these big olive tree shaker machines that go to each tree and shake them, and then it lands on to these big nets, and then gets collected to be crushed and squeezed and lovingly sung to, to get that sweet sweet olive oil.

I'm not sure where the virgin gets added but some places do add that extra if you ask nicely.

(Sidenote about olives that I couldn't fit anywhere else: I once thought a plate of olive pips (i.e. the stones after people had eaten the olives around them) was a crunchy snack at a work event and tried to eat them. Protip: they're really hard and not at all crunchy, nor were they a snack)

And then, we were told that olive oil was so good for you and it's part of the Mediterranean diet which is really good and fishy and oily and healthy so you should do the same thing to live longer (though I reckon their 'longevity' comes from chilling in the sun by the water every day of every week of every year, not paying taxes and being bailed out by the European Union - bailouts are particularly good for the liver, I hear).

So I put more olive oil into my diet because you know this guy wants to live forever. I wanna see 2100 BAY BEE. Teleportation! Clones! The utter collapse of civilisation and pillaging of Mother Earth!

AND THEN in the last like...5 years or so I hear about avocado oil being the new winner for health and cooking. Really?? I just got over the fact that palm oil was killing orangutans, rice bran oil was actually a thing, and that canola oil was good for your heart but bad for your soul.

Then suddenly, Mum is sending articles through the group chat about the fact that we should all be using avocado oil as a healthy alternative for all our cooking, Costco's selling these 2kg containers - like...did I miss something? Is there some oil chat I should be in (Saudi Arabia add me on WhatsApp)?

'Cos I'm certain that somebody watched that same Instagram reel and started going 'oh I wonder what else could be collected and crushed into an oil?'. What an opportunity to miss!! I could be in charge of an avocado oil EMPIRE right now.

I still got time, right? What else could I crush and make into oil?! Bananas? Almonds? My 18 year old hopes and dreams of being an author and making lots of money from writing??

Nah, too messy I reckon. And they already make banana milk.

There's just so many different alternatives for things that we never needed...I'm sure it's just another #late-stage-capitalism thing that we all live with. Because, yeah, okay, you love your alternative oils and milks and wow, now they have almond and oat and coconut and plant-based and grain-based and sun-based and this one came out of a cow and this one came out of a cow that ate nuts and this one came out of a a cow's nuts and this one was juiced from crushed cows nuts but COME ON there's just too many choices.

I mean, if avocadoes can be oiled and almonds can be milked, then what next? Can I press pineapples into pineapple oil? Can I churn tofu into cheese? I mean, really, somewhere, a pea is nervously sweating, wondering if it's going to become milk, oil...or worse - pea soup, the worst of all soups.

YUCK.

Anyway that's my 30 minutes so thanks and bye <3 Also I stocked my pantry with 4kg of avocado oil because Costco just do be gettin' me like that.

Teleportation HERE I COME.

Chat soon :)

(P.S. If you've got any feedback for the newsletter, just hit the reply button!)


๐Ÿ“‹Today's Rehash of the Story

SORRY GUYS I SCREWED UP. I'm reposting last week's story section because:

1) I'm busy this week, and

2) I effed up the FINAL decision that y'all are taking, which is actually fundamental to the plot, so, well, here it is :)

--

You slam the small, blinking green button and open comms back through the time vortex to the stealth station and your employers.

"Emergency broadcast from Borrowed Time. Time vortex unstable - do not come this way! I repeat - time vortex unstable - find alternate route!!"

Jimmy and Sayla look harried as time continues to go in and out of sync.

"Jimmy - go check out those stabilisers! Sayla, I'm gonna pilot us out of here - we're going to have to inject some of our reserve time into the vortex to at least land SOMEWHERE."

Another shock punches the ship, and rattles the metal all around you. Grandit you bastard, you pray, I'm your only beliver left soyou better get us through this unscathed.

"GO!"

Jimmy scampers out and you see different afterimages of him running out of the door. Sayla clips back into her seat, and nods at you. Time distorts as you see your arms and hands moving at different speeds, and Sayla answers you too quickly before you ask your question.

"The purple isn't getting any better!! We need to bail, pronto!"

"Where are we at with the vortex, Sayla?" the deafening shrieks and rips of the time vortex grow with every second. You see the swirls of red and blue flashing past you, the past and the future growing and ebbing as you ride the waves of the vortex. There are two main currents you can see that seem to be leading out.

"Nope, I'm trying him now!"

"Jimmy - where are you at??" you shout down the internal comms. "Sayla, can you hear him?"

"Stabilisers, Cap'n - we've had some damage but nothing we can't fix. Give me a second to - wait, what's thi- ARGH!"

"JIMMY!"

Silence. A pause. The ship keeps creaking around you as you push through vortex, trying to navigate through and finding an exit into the inky blackness outside. Precious seconds slip by.

"Jimmy! Talk to me!"

"Agh - them wires are jumping in and out of alive and dead," Jimmy sucks his teeth. "Best we get out of this as soon as possible Cap'n! And I have to tell you-"

"Got it! Get outta there; Sayla - are we ready with the reserve?"

"Yes Cap! Just say the word!"

You look out into the swirling maelstrom of time and the flashes of light and darkness - scars of previous time jumps - trying to find somewhere you can dump your precious backup time to tear open a safe landing point.

"On my mark! Jimmy, get clear of the stabilisers and hold on to something!"

"What, like all your shitty-ass paintings?"

You slam down on the big red button, "NOW!"


โœ”๏ธReal Life Recommendations

  1. From the World of John Wick: Ballerina - it's 3.5 stars, but like...it's a 5 star 3.5 star movie. Does that make sense? Like...it's a John Wick movie, so it's already going to have shit story and magnificent action. But Ballerina exceeds expectations by having even worse story but even better action than expected. Ana de Armas decided to go down the 'hot girl' -> 'action heroine' route rather than the 'hot girl' -> 'quirky comedy girl' and it has SUPER worked for her. There are MULTIPLE Jackie-Chan-like 'using everything around you to win battles' and she does it so well. If you liked John Wick you'll love this!! RECOMMENDED because I love John Wick so much.

  2. Devil's Plan Season 2 - look, I will watch anything that has inventive games, drama, and some great storytelling. Devil's Plan is like a game reality tv show where a bunch of celebrities / smart people compete in a number of games and get eliminated one by one. It's a good watch, albeit a bit wordy and a bit too much fluff in explaining games and watching people's reactions. This season had some difficulties in how they tried to play with the format...and that's a nice way to put it. So really, I'm actually recommending The Genius in its stead :D Much more fun, the original version of it - go watch that instead. Unless you've only got Netflix in which case, well, watch this anyway :D


๐ŸšŒ Adventures on the Information Super-Highway

  1. Meet the members of the Dull Menโ€™s Club: โ€˜Some of them would bore the ears off youโ€™ - I love this and I joined the Facebook group. It's so dull, yet so fascinating. What people decide to higlight in the minutiae of life is so much more interesting than I thought. Low stakes, fun discussions.

  2. Exclusive: US Airlines Are Quietly Hitting Solo and Biz Travelers with Higher Fares - oh so...the single tax is actually real for real? THAT'S COOL.

  3. The Sad Beautiful Fact That We're Going To Miss Almost Everything - title reminds me of my favourite poetry stanzas: "as if what exists, exists/so that it can become lost/and become precious"

Read more:

  • 285 - a little life update ๐ŸŽฒ๐ŸŒฎ๐Ÿ–ผ๏ธ๐Ÿˆโ€

    make like a train and keep chugging on forward; also, the Borrowed Time gets into trouble!

  • 284 - being human in a corporate world ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ™๏ธ๐Ÿ’น

    be a bug at work, be human in life

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