25 - Your Chinese Zodiac Fortune
恭喜發財! Happy Lunar New Year friends! It's the Year of the Rat!
Just like astrology, China has it's own zodiac - hopefully you've heard about which animal you are in the Zodiac? If not, please go Google it now - you'll need it for this post. (Note: if you're born in Jan or Feb it matters, because the Lunar New Year starts later. Make sure you check!)
Now, usually I don't go in for stuff that's astrological because it's really just your own biases retrofitting information to vague statements and I can be a cynical soul...but y'know, no harm no foul to seeing what these people say.
Mum gets a book religiously every year from a feng shui master that tells us what our fortunes will be for the year. I used to mock her for it but, well, it's actually become sort of a tradition to read what's going to happen, not take it too seriously, and a way to practice my Chinese. And I mean look at that face! What a trustworthy guy. (He also helped to convince mum that I should throw a massive birthday on my 18th and 21st birthdays so 🙏 ).
I've spent some time trying to transcribe these fortunes (with a lot of help from Mum!), and summarise them here. It's still quite long but at least you don't have to try and read the Chinese? :D There are a few edits and literal translations for humour's sake, but it'll be broadly correct. If you want more detail let me know!
No one:
Vince: So here's your Chinese zodiac fortune for the year!
🐀 Rat: Usually when it's your year in the zodiac, it's a bad year. However, there are lucky stars shining on you. Money will literally flow to you and you'll have a lot of fans at work. Success is going to be great even in a year of change (that is normally bad!). It's a 'Gold Water' year this year, so be wary of water appliances in your house - they might break or cause accidents. Be careful of blade and blood accidents in the midst of your success - avoid this by takinga blood test at the start of the year (The Chinese are practical). Many relationships will start - if you're single, you'll be able to find your ideal mate. If you're in a relationship, try not to cheat. Be careful of your urinary tract/prostate. If you feel unlucky, get a cat. If you can't get a cat, a plushie will do.
🐄 Ox: This is a great year for relationships for you - a super relationship star (the Six Togetherness star) is shining upon you. Kids will love you and obey you (?). Use your relationships to start new ventures successfully. You'll have a lot of feasts with friends, and grow in respect with them - a literal social butterfly! Unfortunately, the sickness star shines upon you so don't get too stressed or eat too richly (as in, at all those feasts with friends?) otherwise you'll get sick. Be careful of your hands, legs, intestines and diabetes - especially if you're born in autumn/winter. There is a risk of accidents related to water, so make sure to keep 'fiery' things around you e.g. if you feel unlucky, eat some spicy food, lamb and red wine (what a great excuse to drink!).
🐅 Tiger: Not...a great year for you. Plans will be delayed, risk of accidents, trusting the wrong people and mental health issues. Literal translation: When tigers encounter rats, they lose their mojo and get teased, losing their power and intimidation. HOWEVER, a rich, lucky support will appear that you can fall back on. And anyway, tigers get better in the face of adversity, so no need to worry. A key principle this year is that 'defence is the best offence' - if you focus on yourself first, try new things, and enjoy life as it comes, you'll be laughing. Be tolerant of 'small' people (this means like...snitches - mum calls them 'idiots') who try to undermine you. Look at 'fire' from a distance (literal translations are hard - apparently this means "Don't get involved with others arguments" but I kept it literal because eh, it's funnier? 🤷♂). Romantically, if you keep the status quo, that'll be an achievement in itself. Men, get out of the nightlife as it will lead to sicknesses down the track. Be careful of your urinary tract, womb and large intestine. Losing a little this year will already be a win - focus on yourself, look after your health, and just take it easy!
🐇 Rabbit: You're one of the top 3 lucky signs this. MAJOR relationship stars (3 of them in fact!) - find your ideal mate, get married, have kids etc. - it will be like walking on flat ground! However, because you're so loved and supported in your relationships, be wary of criminals and your 'weak ear' - you'll be easily persuaded so be careful of what you're signing. There are risks of rumours and legal issues during your year - don't take risks and shortcuts just because you're having a good year. Romantically, December is your best month for love (what a wait, but it'll be worth it!), and you'll likely meet your 'real prince' - so take your chance to go after your ideal partners! Be careful of STD's, womb, breasts, prostate and intestines - get a blood test at the start of the year to help avoid any accidents you might have during the year! (Or apparently, just pray for more luck. It was literally only Rabbits who this would help...) Be smart and clever, but play the idiot, so that people don't take advantage of you.
🐉 Dragon: This year, a wonderful career star shines on you - promotions, money, sponsors etc. will flow towards you. Everything should go your way in this aspect of life! However, just because it seems easy doesn't mean you should lighten your efforts - make sure you still work hard to overcome the competition. There's a 'white tiger' star (symbolising competitiveness), but dragons always slay tigers so you good fam. Ensure that at work, and in your bedroom, you put feng shui things (?) on the left hand side of you. On your right hand side, make sure there aren't any pink things (note: this was so weird to read, and so specific that it must be true). Be careful of your urinary tract and diabetes. Wear red and use an electric blanket (more warmth in a year of Water), and get a blood test at the start of the year to stave off blade accidents.
🐍 Snake: Yo if you're a snake let me know because THIS YEAR IS YOUR YEAR. Your good stars literally transform your bad stars to good ones - you'll become rich, powerful, rise in your career, roll in money and be lucky in general. Relationships? Easy. Sponsors? How about 10 of them! Take your chance on opportunities to be successful, and set yourself up for the future - this doesn't last, and comes once every 12 years. Romance is the cherry on top of a fantastic year - go ask that ideal boy/girl out; if you're married, life will swim by. Be careful of becoming sick (at all) and activating old injuries. If you're born in winter, you might have hand and leg accidents. Put a horse near you at all times to combat the water (again, so specific that it must be true).
🐴 Horse: Look, this year's gonna be challenging - no two ways about it. The book says not only is it challenging, but no one likes you and you're weak (The Chinese can be brutal). New challenges won't be able to be faced with old techniques, so you'll need to 'replace your head and change your face'. Your relationships are at risk - don't cheat, don't argue too much - being status quo at the end of the year will be a win. Be careful of your womb, kidneys, traffic accidents, falls and just general clumsiness. You may develop heart and eye problems. But remember: with change comes growth - and as a Horse, you thrive with change. You can only see the rainbow after the rain - so meet life as it comes this year and look forward to a better one next year. (Also, probably best to consult a feng shui master so they can fix your year up. Or maybe hang out with Snakes so that their luck rubs off on you?)
🐑 Sheep: Not the best year, but not a bad one either. Great relationship star shines on you - lots of relationships, but unfortunately none which will be your 'real' one. You'll have a lot of new, creative ideas (maybe good time to get into advertising?) - cultivate your own hobbies, don't just compete with others. You'll have unexpected expenses so make sure you are wary about how you spend it. Be careful of cosmetic surgery and car accidents - get a blood test to stave off this bad luck. Also, apparently you should get a cat, or a horse to become more lucky. (Mate, I don't make the rules 🤷♂).
🐒 Monkey: Another one of the top 3 lucky animals this year - you'll have great relationships and a super career path. Money will literally flow towards you, and your promotions will give you power over other's life and death (The Chinese can be quite dramatic). Laugh your way through the year! But because of your success, careful of SNITCHES that want to try and bring you down - if you're too arrogant about your success you'll have legal problems and will have to go to court. If you're born '92 careful of car accidents - you might skid (so incredibly specific). Shoot your shot and have the courage to find love this year - if you're married, you'll meet new, rich sponsors to join your cause. Be careful of blade and water accidents, as well as your lungs, intestines and diabetes - DO NOT PUT UP ANY DRAGON DECORATIONS.
🐓Rooster (me!): It's a bad year. Not a great year to partner up with anyone to find success - lots of arguments and conflicts. However, you'll be fine on your own - learn to be by yourself and have a year of learning and upgrading focussing on yourself. Don't get involved in petty arguments - stay focussed on your goals so that you can live your life to the full. Your effort at work will not be proportional to its result - just letting you know early on. If you're born '93 - you'll have the best career fortune out of all the Roosters - have a big party (don't worry you're all invited) and make sure your brow isn't sunken otherwise the health of your elders is at risk (SO INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC). You'll become more attractive to the other sex, but no long term plans/relationships - just enjoy it while it lasts! Your health is at risk - hands, legs, lungs, intestines, cosmetics, bladed accidents etc. Wear red and up the 'fire' in your life to counteract this - go to Singapore/Malaysia/Thailand to get warm. Focus on yourself and sow the seeds for success for the future.
🐕 Dog: It's the Year of Career! You get the joy of having the BEST of all the career stars - problems will just solve themselves (apparently)! Money will flow towards you continuously like a river - it's time to start your new chapter at work, or work on a side hustle. However, you've got 5 bad stars, which means bad accidents and blood crises - best way to avoid those is to get a blood test early in the year. Again, get a cat to diffuse the bad energy. Be very wary of your health cos if you get sick, all this amazing career energy can disappear. Go to Singapore/Malaysia/Thailand/Japan to try and up the 'fire' in your life if you're feeling unlucky (Steph, Mum will sponsor you to go! It's written in the stars. Literally. Again, I don't make the rules.) If you're born in '94, you'll find a super rich backer/sponsor to rely on this year - but watch your back because erryone's out to get you since you so successful. If you're in a relationship, don't go clubbing. If you're single, dating is fine, but don't lose yourself in it. Be careful of heart and veins sicknesses. Be vigilant even in success, and focus on building up your future!
🐖 Pig: You are shone upon by the 'sun' star - causing more positivity and confidence in a lot of your life. Your confidence will grow in many areas this year - you won't be lonely, and may even find your soulmate and become as happy as the fairies (literal translations are really hard)! Open to many connections, you'll become well-respected, and show off how smart/clever/insightful you are. Your love for people may extend to the wider community, and your relationships will be excellent. Also you're going to get into cooking (nice). Try new things and experience more - especially in art/restaurants/culture etc. However, you might be easily tricked, find it hard to make decisions and lose your temper easily. Be careful of your kidneys, breasts, womb and prostate - your love of cooking will become the medicine needed for your health!
Chat soon :)
✔️ Real Life Recommendations
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Melbourne Gin Company - Single Shot - an amazingly botanical gin made by MGC - I think it slightly beats out the normal MGC you can get by a teensy amount because it's a bit more flavourful and creates a lovely hazy sheen that makes it look better than just water (LOL). I might be becoming a gin guy...
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Luxbite - You may have heard about it before if you live in Melbourne, but I really enjoy the desserts from Luxbite. More specifically, I bought some of the Chinese New Year desserts that they had made - I really love the fact that I can actually go somewhere to buy such fancy things that are part of my heritage and culture. It was something new and different for my family to enjoy, and I was excited that I could buy these! These guys are really innovative and come up with new designs and treats for every holiday you can think of! Go try them out :)
🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway
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Your New Year's Resolution has Already Failed - as a related link to last week's post - a succinct summary of how I think about goals and how bad I am at doing them! And it's in 7 minutes! I think this will be the Year of Novelty / Experimentation for me :) It's always nice to find someone else who thinks like ya, eh?
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The Complicated Chinese Family Tree - this is so incredibly awesome for an ABC who has to nag my parents every time we encounter someone new in our family tree when I'm overseas. Just have to look at this chart and work it out :D
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Kowloon's Walled City - a deep dive into an 'organic' build up of a slum city in Hong Kong - really fascinating how life can spawn and organise in its own way. It was so ugly and unsafe and unappealing to the world, but was able to survive for many years. A recommended read!
🌱 The Calathea Corner
CAN YOU SEE THESE NEW LEAVES? CAN YOU? IT'S UN-BE-LEAF-ABLE :D Omg I'm not a complete failure at raising plants. This must be what it's like to see your kids grow hair or something...I dunno. I'll let you know when I have kids.
She shall be named Feleafcia so that I can say 'Hi Feleafcia' and 'Bye Feleafcia' when I leave and come home (credit to my sister for this name)
