222 - dissatisfaction pt. 2 🧠👎
Hey there, !
If you haven't read part 1 - please go read this first :)
Then, let's dive in!
I should probably start by continuing from the last piece that from a mindset perspective that being dissatisfied is not necessarily a bad thing - there is a healthy balance of satisfaction/dissatisfaction, as with anything, that probably can be found and is tailored to each person.
I think about it like rest periods vs work periods in your life - rest is really good, but not good in excess. Work gives you purpose, but again, isn't good in excess. When that balance isn't being felt, then issues arise (ranging from lethargy to exhaustion).
Same with satisfaction/dissatisfaction. When you feel far too dissatisfied with life, you might experience feelings of helplessness, or burnout, or spiraling, or catastrophising. If you feel too satisfied with life (if there's such a thing), you might feel like there's something more you need to have, or do, and might make you, in some ways, more dissatisfied. Perhaps there are people in the world that are truly, always satisfied, but I reckon they're either secretive monks who are hoarding the secrets of the universe, or too-online twitter bros who stumble on to it through their 500th hot take for the week.
So we should probably distinguish the headspaces you might be in:
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I am satisfied with my life
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I am dissatisfied with my life, and:
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I think it's not enough to push me to where I want to go
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I'm okay with the level it is at
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I'm too dissatisfied with life and hate everything about it -> if you're here I would recommend finding some actual professional help because it will probably feel infinitely difficult to do some of the below recommendations. Take care of yourself <3
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Other than 2.3, we could use our spectrum from last time to understand the levers that you could pull:
- work on the gap between you and your idealised life - essentially, just work more towards your goal
- develop a strategy or plan to close that gap - either with help from your friends, your family, professional help (e.g. a coach or a mentor), or just even yourself.
- bolster the strength of your plan: break down everything that might not work, and have a mitigation for it. If you don't believe in it, keep building up the plan. Test it with people. Experiment with it in real life. Keep pushing and pushing until you're fully engaged and can see it happening. Take small steps to test and prove the strength of your plan - remember, action is also information - you can't just keep planning and thinking about things, you gotta put it into action to see what comes back.
- don't compare yourself with others unless you know they are trying to achieve similar goals in similar contexts to yourself - they should help be motivation, and push you forward, rather than make you feel worse about how you're going. It's normal to compare but you need to remember that they've got things you don't have, and you have advantages that they don't either. The definition of winning should be taking your next step, not taking someone else's.
- take small steps on the path, and celebrate your wins, so that you can satisfy your impatience or effort required to implement that plan - the more wins, the more confidence, the bigger steps you take - etc. etc. If you think about it, that's how you got more confident in your life from baby to toddler to kid to annoying teenager to kid adult to...well, whatever you are now :)
I still wonder, though, how dissatisfaction can drive people and motivate them to the point that they're spending all their time building something - their legacy, perhaps, or to pursue their dreams, however small or large it is. I write this from the perspective of someone that, well, didn't (and probably still doesn't) have that level of passion - when I'm dissatisfied with something I usually decide whether it's worth fighting for, or just to let it go. And usually, I let it go, because "don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff".
Now that I think about it, it's all small stuff because there's no bigger goal or passion to lead towards - once you have clarity over what your overarching goal or direction for your life is, it's easier to say no to things because you know what's important. Focus, y'know?
Perhaps letting things go makes me miss a trick somewhere...I'm very good at rationalising things away. It's easier to get het up on behalf of someone else than it is for myself...but I usually won't worry about my own things, and let things go. Is that another way to get around being dissatisfied? Just stop thinking about it? Keep ignoring things?
More things to mull over - surely there's a pt.3 in the works.
Anyway, short one this week as next week is going to be FORTUNE WEEK. Let's go YEAR OF THE DRAGON 🐉🐉🐉
Chat soon :)
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✔️Real Life Recommendations
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Carman's Coconut, Yoghurt and Roasted Nut Protein Bar - as recommended by my mate Jeff's Carman's tier list - can confirm it absolutely slaps. I usually just got the fruit bars or whatever basic one for breakfast's on the go, but this one has the crunchiness of the roasted nuts with the smoothness of the yoghurt that just makes it so delishh. If you like the Carman's bars, try this one out.
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Carroll and Chan - a candlemaker from HK - and specifically, the White Michaelia candle which is a really unique flower that has a lovely fragrance and is usually found in Hong Kong. I got this as a present for Mum but got an infused for my own place and it's quite old-school Cantonese nostalgic. It's a bit exxy but what isn't these days :D
🚌 Adventures on the Information Super-Highway
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math team - is the grind really worth it? A really well-written recount of the hustle we go through as kids, to get to...well, somewhere.
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The economics of all-you-can-eat buffets - I used to read The Hustle as it dropped into my inbox, but I just couldn't keep up with all the content. But I stumbled on this one somewhere else on the internet and it was fascinating. Take a look!
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My Toddler Still Loves Planes, So I Upgraded Her Radar - I don't know if anyone remembers this from a few newsletters back but more cute builds for a kid who wants to see planes!