212 - Redux: If this isn’t nice, what is?
Another from the vault while I’m in Taiwan <3 It’s lovely here so far - quite hot but very old Hong Kong x Japan vibes so we are loving it!
This piece was written through quarantine, so it has a bit of a nostalgic feel to it - hope it doesn’t bring too many bad memories; instead, I hope it helps you see that you can be grateful for where you are, when you’re happy.
Notice the good times, not just the bad :D
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How are y'all doing in quarantine?
I think I've already told you that a. I love libraries, and b. I did a panic borrow before the libraries shut down - so here's kind of a book review but kind of just thoughts about what I found interesting in one of them that I really enjoyed.
One of the books I picked up roaming through the dusty shelves in the areas of the Dewey Decimal System that I don't usually go through - "815 - American speeches in English" - was a collection of graduation speeches by Kurt Vonnegut, "If this isn't nice, what is? Advice to the young". I've always been curious about Vonnegut - he wrote some wacky but critically acclaimed books (Slaughterhouse 5, Cat's Cradle, Breakfast of Champions)...fascinating sci-fi ideas written with a dark undertone but always a human focus.
I turned to his biography (as I do when I want to learn about great people) and found that, well, just like Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos, the man behind the masterwork could be pretty bad in his personal life. He had his share of challenges (being a writer and trying to raise 6 kids - 3 due to the fact his sister died from cancer), but was still kind of a dick to his family. HIs books are still great, and his views on life are insightful - it's just a matter of separating the artist from his work.
Is that a thing? Sometimes geniuses are just really crap people? Probably.
Anyway! This book is a collection of speeches by Kurt Vonnegut to different graduands in different schools, to different societies. He presents very similar ideas in each, but tailored to each group - a Jewish society, a law society, a local school (amongst others). I wanted to share two key ideas here he speaks about here because I think they're very insightful, especially in these (groan) uncertain times:
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You're not enough people for me:
Some of you may become psychologists or ministers. In either case, you are going to have to deal with men, women and children whose lives are being damaged by our country's astronomical divorce rate. You should know that when a husband and wife fight, it may seem to be about money or sex or power.
But what they're really yelling at each other about is loneliness. What they're really saying is, "You're not enough people."
One of Vonnegut's key pieces of insight is that humans evolved as a social species - we used to live, work, eat, celebrate in big groups - hunter-gatherer groups, villages, towns...places where a lot of other people were. We interacted with a whole lot more people than we do today. As we've grown further away from that and have started to gather in smaller, familial units, we grow weary of the monotony - seeing the same people all the time means is boring!
To help fill that inevitable loneliness in the world, you need to be with other people. Lots of them! I loved this way of thinking about life - the fact that what this tells you is that you should go out (though not right now) to socialise with others, join groups, be part of a community...I'm sure it sounds obvious but it's a nice way of thinking about it. The beauty of interacting with others is to share and laugh and eat and drink and hang out, filling your life with as much happiness as possible.
With that being said, I hope you're keeping in touch with people virtually as much as possible - there are a whole host of online games to play (look up skribbl.io for a fun pictionary game for example!) that can help facilitate those kinds of interactions.
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If this isn't nice, what is?:
One of the things [my Uncle Alex] found objectionable about human beings was that they so rarely noticed when they were happy. He himself did his best to acknowledge it when times were sweet. We could be drinking lemonade in the shade of an apple tree in the summertime, and Uncle Alex would interrupt the conversation to say, "If this isn't nice, what is?".
So I hope that you will do the same for the rest of your lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause for a moment, and then say out loud, "If this isn't nice, what is?"
Especially in a time of quarantine, there's a lot we've lost. But there's also a lot we've gained...and I think stopping to smell the roses when we can is really important to do. Reading a book? How relaxing! Sitting on the toilet? I mean, at least I still can, right? It's something I'm trying to do better - appreciating the moments no matter how inane or banal they are.
After all, we aren't going to be here forever :)
Chat soon :)